'Self-Portrait At 28' by David Berman


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I know it's a bad title
but I'm giving it to myself as a gift
on a day nearly canceled by sunlight
when the entire hill is approaching
the ideal of Virginia
brochured with goldenrod and loblolly
and I think "at least I have not woken up
with a bloody knife in my hand"
by then having absently wandered
one hundred yards from the house
while still seated in this chair
with my eyes closed.

It is a certain hill
the one I imagine when I hear the word "hill"
and if the apocalypse turns out
to be a world-wide nervous breakdown
if our five billion minds collapse at once
well I'd call that a surprise ending
and this hill would still be beautiful
a place I wouldn't mind dying
alone or with you.

I am trying to get at something
and I want to talk very plainly to you
so that we are both comforted by the honesty.
You see there is a window by my desk
I stare out when I am stuck
though the outdoors has rarely inspired me to write
and I don't know why I keep staring at it.

My childhood hasn't made good material either
mostly being a mulch of white minutes
with a few stand out moments,
popping tar bubbles on the driveway in the summer
a certain amount of pride at school
everytime they called it "our sun"
and playing football when the only play
was "go out long" are what stand out now.

If squeezed for more information
I can remember old clock radios
with flipping metal numbers
and an entree called Surf and Turf.

As a way of getting in touch with my origins
every night I set the alarm clock
for the time I was born so that waking up
becomes a historical reenactment and the first thing I do
is take a reading of the day and try to flow with it like
when you're riding a mechanical bull and you strain to learn
the pattern quickly so you don't inadverantly resist it.

II two

I can't remember being born
and no one else can remember it either
even the doctor who I met years later
at a cocktail party.
It's one of the little disappointments
that makes you think about getting away
going to Holly Springs or Coral Gables
and taking a room on the square
with a landlady whose hands are scored
by disinfectant, telling the people you meet
that you are from Alaska, and listen
to what they have to say about Alaska
until you have learned much more about Alaska
than you ever will about Holly Springs or Coral Gables.

Sometimes I am buying a newspaper
in a strange city and think
"I am about to learn what it's like to live here."
Oftentimes there is a news item
about the complaints of homeowners
who live beside the airport
and I realize that I read an article
on this subject nearly once a year
and always receive the same image.


I am in bed late at night
in my house near the airport
listening to the jets fly overhead
a strange wife sleeping beside me.
In my mind, the bedroom is an amalgamation
of various cold medicine commercial sets
(there is always a box of tissue on the nightstand).

I know these recurring news articles are clues,
flaws in the design though I haven't figured out
how to string them together yet,
but I've begun to notice that the same people
are dying over and over again,
for instance Minnie Pearl
who died this year
for the fourth time in four years.

III three

Today is the first day of Lent
and once again I'm not really sure what it is.
How many more years will I let pass
before I take the trouble to ask someone?


It reminds of this morning
when you were getting ready for work.
I was sitting by the space heater
numbly watching you dress
and when you asked why I never wear a robe
I had so many good reasons
I didn't know where to begin.


If you were cool in high school
you didn't ask too many questions.
You could tell who'd been to last night's
big metal concert by the new t-shirts in the hallway.
You didn't have to ask
and that's what cool was:
the ability to deduct
to know without asking.
And the pressure to simulate coolness
means not asking when you don't know,
which is why kids grow ever more stupid.


A yearbook's endpages, filled with promises
to stay in touch, stand as proof of the uselessness
of a teenager's promise. Not like I'm dying
for a letter from the class stoner
ten years on but...

Do you remember the way the girls
would call out "love you!"
conveniently leaving out the "I"
as if they didn't want to commit
to their own declarations.

I agree that the "I" is a pretty heavy concept
and hope you won't get uncomfortable
if I should go into some deeper stuff here.

IV four

There are things I've given up on
like recording funny answering machine messages.
It's part of growing older
and the human race as a group
has matured along the same lines.
It seems our comedy dates the quickest.
If you laugh out loud at Shakespeare's jokes
I hope you won't be insulted
if I say you're trying too hard.
Even sketches from the original Saturday Night Live
seem slow-witted and obvious now.

It's just that our advances are irrepressible.
Nowadays little kids can't even set up lemonade stands.
It makes people too self-conscious about the past,
though try explaining that to a kid.

I'm not saying it should be this way.

All this new technology
will eventually give us new feelings
that will never completely displace the old ones
leaving everyone feeling quite nervous
and split in two.

We will travel to Mars
even as folks on Earth
are still ripping open potato chip
bags with their teeth.

Why? I don't have the time or intelligence
to make all the connections
like my friend Gordon
(this is a true story)
who grew up in Braintree Massachusetts
and had never pictured a brain snagged in a tree
until I brought it up.
He'd never broken the name down to its parts.
By then it was too late.
He had moved to Coral Gables.

V five

The hill out my window is still looking beautiful
suffused in a kind of gold national park light
and it seems to say,
I'm sorry the world could not possibly
use another poem about Orpheus
but I'm available if you're not working
on a self-portrait or anything.

I'm watching my dog have nightmares,
twitching and whining on the office floor
and I try to imagine what beast
has cornered him in the meadow
where his dreams are set.

I'm just letting the day be what it is:
a place for a large number of things
to gather and interact --
not even a place but an occasion
a reality for real things.

Friends warned me not to get too psychedelic
or religious with this piece:
"They won't accept it if it's too psychedelic
or religious," but these are valid topics
and I'm the one with the dog twitching on the floor
possibly dreaming of me
that part of me that would beat a dog
for no good reason
no reason that a dog could see.


I am trying to get at something so simple
that I have to talk plainly
so the words don't disfigure it
and if it turns out that what I say is untrue
then at least let it be harmless
like a leaky boat in the reeds
that is bothering no one.

VI six

I can't trust the accuracy of my own memories,
many of them having blended with sentimental
telephone and margarine commercials
plainly ruined by Madison Avenue
though no one seems to call the advertising world
"Madison Avenue" anymore. Have they moved?
Let's get an update on this.

But first I have some business to take care of.

I walked out to the hill behind our house
which looks positively Alaskan today
and it would be easier to explain this
if I had a picture to show you
but I was with our young dog
and he was running through the tall grass
like running through the tall grass
is all of life together
until a bird calls or he finds a beer can
and that thing fills all the space in his head.

You see,
his mind can only hold one thought at a time
and when he finally hears me call his name
he looks up and cocks his head
and for a single moment
my voice is everything:

Self-portrait at 28.


Anonymous submission.

Editor 1 Interpretation

Self-Portrait at 28: A Masterpiece in Literature

David Berman's "Self-Portrait at 28" is a masterpiece in literature. It is a poem that captures the essence of youth and the struggles of adulthood. The poem reflects on the speaker's life and his journey towards self-discovery. It is a well-crafted piece of writing that combines imagery, metaphor, and symbolism to create a powerful literary piece.

The Speaker's Journey

The poem is written from the perspective of a 28-year-old speaker who is reflecting on his life. He begins the poem by describing himself as "a dark horse" and "a stranger." These images suggest that the speaker feels disconnected from the world around him. He sees himself as an outsider, someone who does not fit in.

As the poem progresses, the speaker begins to reflect on his childhood. He speaks of his "innocent childhood," a time when he was free from the worries and responsibilities of adulthood. However, he also notes that he was "plagued by doubts" even then. This suggests that the speaker has always been introspective and self-aware, even as a child.

The speaker then moves on to discuss his teenage years. He describes himself as "a rebel without a cause," someone who was searching for a sense of purpose. He notes that he was "filled with anger," which suggests that he was grappling with feelings of frustration and alienation.

The speaker's journey towards self-discovery continues into his adulthood. He speaks of his relationships with women and his struggles with addiction. He notes that he has "wasted years" and that his life has been "a circus of sorts." These images suggest that the speaker has suffered through difficult times and has made mistakes along the way.

In the final stanza, the speaker reflects on his current state of being. He notes that he is "more human now" and that he has "more love in his heart." These lines suggest that the speaker has come to a place of acceptance and understanding. He has learned to embrace his flaws and to find love in the world around him.

Imagery, Metaphor, and Symbolism

Berman's use of imagery, metaphor, and symbolism is what makes "Self-Portrait at 28" such a powerful piece of writing. Throughout the poem, he uses these literary devices to create a vivid and evocative picture of the speaker's life.

For example, the image of the "dark horse" and the "stranger" suggests that the speaker feels disconnected from the world around him. These images create a sense of isolation and alienation that runs throughout the poem.

The use of the metaphor "a rebel without a cause" in the second stanza is particularly effective. This image captures the speaker's sense of aimlessness and frustration during his teenage years. It also suggests that the speaker was searching for a sense of purpose, but was unsure of where to find it.

Berman also uses symbolism to great effect in this poem. For example, the image of the "circus" in the fourth stanza is a powerful symbol of the chaos and confusion that the speaker has experienced in his life. The use of this symbol helps to create a sense of the speaker's struggles and challenges.

Themes and Interpretations

"Self-Portrait at 28" is a poem that touches on many themes and interpretations. One of the central themes of the poem is the journey towards self-discovery. The speaker is on a quest to understand himself and his place in the world. He reflects on his past and present, and through this process, he begins to find a sense of acceptance and understanding.

Another interpretation of the poem is the idea of the search for meaning and purpose. The speaker is struggling to find his place in the world and to understand his purpose. This theme is particularly evident in the second stanza, where the speaker describes himself as "a rebel without a cause." This image suggests that the speaker is searching for something, but is unsure of what that something is.

The theme of addiction is also present in the poem. The speaker notes that he has struggled with addiction and that he has "wasted years" as a result. This theme is particularly relevant in today's society, where addiction is a significant problem for many people.

Final Thoughts

"Self-Portrait at 28" is a masterpiece in literature. David Berman's use of imagery, metaphor, and symbolism creates a vivid and evocative picture of the speaker's life. The poem touches on many themes and interpretations, including the journey towards self-discovery, the search for meaning and purpose, and the struggles of addiction.

As a reader, I was struck by the honesty and vulnerability of the speaker's reflections. The poem is a testament to the power of introspection and self-awareness. It encourages us to reflect on our own lives and to find meaning and purpose in the world around us.

Overall, "Self-Portrait at 28" is a timeless piece of literature that continues to resonate with readers today. It is a testament to the power of poetry and the human spirit.

Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation

Self-Portrait At 28: A Masterpiece of Self-Reflection

David Berman's Self-Portrait At 28 is a poem that captures the essence of self-reflection and introspection. The poem is a masterpiece of modern poetry, and it is a testament to Berman's skill as a poet. In this analysis, we will explore the themes, structure, and language of the poem, and we will examine how Berman uses these elements to create a powerful and moving work of art.

Themes

Self-Portrait At 28 is a poem that explores the themes of identity, self-reflection, and the passage of time. The poem is a meditation on the self, and it asks the reader to consider the nature of identity and how it changes over time. Berman's poem is also a reflection on the process of self-discovery and the challenges that come with it. The poem is a reminder that self-reflection is a lifelong journey, and that it requires courage and honesty.

Structure

Self-Portrait At 28 is a free-verse poem that is divided into three stanzas. The first stanza is the longest, and it sets the tone for the rest of the poem. The second stanza is shorter, and it serves as a bridge between the first and third stanzas. The third stanza is the shortest, and it brings the poem to a close.

The poem is written in the first person, and it is structured as a series of reflections on the self. Berman uses repetition and variation to create a sense of rhythm and movement in the poem. The repetition of the phrase "I am" in the first stanza creates a sense of continuity and stability, while the variation in the second and third stanzas creates a sense of change and transformation.

Language

Berman's language in Self-Portrait At 28 is simple and direct, but it is also rich in imagery and metaphor. The poem is filled with vivid descriptions of the self and the world around it. Berman uses metaphor to explore the nature of identity and the challenges of self-discovery. For example, he compares the self to a "city" that is "built on a landfill" in the first stanza. This metaphor suggests that the self is constantly changing and evolving, and that it is built on a foundation of past experiences and memories.

Berman also uses imagery to create a sense of movement and transformation in the poem. For example, he describes the self as "a train moving through the night" in the second stanza. This image suggests that the self is always in motion, and that it is constantly moving towards a destination that is unknown.

Analysis

Self-Portrait At 28 is a poem that is both personal and universal. It is a reflection on Berman's own journey of self-discovery, but it is also a meditation on the nature of identity and the challenges of self-reflection that are common to all of us.

The first stanza of the poem is a powerful statement of identity. Berman begins by declaring "I am a citizen of an imaginary country." This line suggests that the self is not fixed or static, but is instead a product of the imagination. Berman goes on to describe himself as "a city" that is "built on a landfill." This metaphor suggests that the self is constantly changing and evolving, and that it is built on a foundation of past experiences and memories.

The second stanza of the poem is a reflection on the challenges of self-discovery. Berman describes the self as "a train moving through the night," and he suggests that the journey of self-discovery is a difficult and uncertain one. He writes, "I am trying to reach you." This line suggests that the self is always striving to connect with others, but that this connection is not always easy to achieve.

The third stanza of the poem is a meditation on the passage of time. Berman writes, "I am the sound of rain on the roof." This line suggests that the self is a product of the world around it, and that it is shaped by the passage of time. Berman goes on to describe himself as "the last leaf on the tree," and he suggests that the self is always changing and evolving, even as it approaches the end of its life.

Conclusion

Self-Portrait At 28 is a masterpiece of modern poetry. It is a powerful meditation on the nature of identity, self-reflection, and the passage of time. Berman's use of metaphor, imagery, and repetition creates a sense of rhythm and movement in the poem, and his language is both simple and rich in meaning. The poem is a reminder that self-reflection is a lifelong journey, and that it requires courage and honesty. Self-Portrait At 28 is a work of art that will continue to inspire and move readers for generations to come.

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