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dots Quick Bio : [ Emerging Soul ] dots
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ASL:48/VERY female/Wisconsin
Life Story:Improving
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Bio:

   43 years old (young?)

Have lived in Wisconsin all my life except for three years in Germany as the wife of an ARMY mechanic

Got married at 17...25th anniversary was be May 23rd...

Have two children, a daughter that is 23 and is a 6th-yr senior in college. She is going to continue her graduate studies at Marquette University to be a dentist... and a son that turned 17 on May 7th...he's studying music, primarily...he could care less about any other subject. That, and his girlfriend, Sara. The jury is still out on her...not that we have a choice or a say in the matter.

Our daughter is going to marry her long-time boyfriend on July 21, 2007. We are in the extended process of planning the wedding, which I think will actually be an enjoyable venture. Nick is a good guy and is really good TO her, which is the most important thing to me.

Have owned a corporation with my husband for the last 14 years. My official title is CFO (which is Chief Financial Officer, not anything crude or x-rated or profane)

When we "retire" in a couple of years I plan to begin my career as a full-time writer. My role model is Nora Roberts although I would hope that I don't need to start out writing cheesy romance novels...I think I'll go straight to the murder/mystery/detective/cop/crime/passion/eroticism/character-series novel and then create about 20 books as a series so that I leave everyone hanging on and panting for my next release... I also enjoy Jeffrey Deaver's Lincoln Rhyme novels and John Sandford's "Prey" novels with Lucas Davenport and have just discovered the Sue Grafton alphabet novels that began in the 1980's. (It is kind of a trip to read about a detective that went to the library to look up things on Microfiche and in phone books and used payphones to make on-the-road calls versus today's modern Internet and cell phones.) I'm a "series" kind of reader, I guess...I like it when authors develop characters over the span of a series of novels and you really begin to experience the depth of their personalities and develop a sort of relationship with them. When I do finally devote myself full-time to writing, I intend to do something similar, myself.

Why I Write:

   Because I have to. I've been writing since I was 7 years old. My first poem, written riding backwards in the rear-seat of our station-wagon, the old Vista Cruiser, on a family vacation...:

It's Amazing (Black Hills, SD)

It's amazing, that where I now stand
A little deer once stood
And a cunning little Indian boy
Would shoot him (if he could)

It's amazing, that where I now stand
Used to be an unknown land
An unknown land of unknown places
Yet here I see some well-known faces
Of some presidents of long ago

I see three...no...four!
Yep, there's Abe Lincoln, too!
Maybe the next face up there
Will be of me...or you!



Then, when I was fifteen years old...:

Too Much In The Middle

At this point in my lifetime
I'm just too much in-between
I'm too old to speak of nonsense
Too young to know just what I mean
But young or old
I have been told
That Life is quite a riddle
I'm not old enough
And not young enough
I'm just too much in the middle
I'm too old to play with make-believe
Like a child who's having fun
I'm too young to have accomplished
All the things that I have done
But if I sit and think
I start to understand a little
I'm not young enough
And not old enough
I'm just too much in the middle
So I just sit back and watch the world
And I see when it's right and wrong
But if I try to interfere
It shows me I don't belong
At times I feel so very old
'Cause I've seen less joy than pain
But then I feel so immature
With no right to complain
At this stage in my lifetime
My mind is so confused
So I sit alone and blame the world
And feel I've been abused
Now you many not understand me
You may even wonder why
A girl like me can feel
That life is simply passing by
But I'm too young to make a difference
And too old to matter little
I'm not old enough
And not young enough
I'm just too much in the middle



I long to someday publish a book of my poetry and have it be recognized locally. They make a huge deal around here in my home-town about a local poet...Lorine Niedecker...who got published and quasi-famous in the early 1900's. The town I grew up in had the local novelist Sterling North who wrote the book "Rascal" about a pet raccoon that was required reading in the 3rd grade. I'm not looking to be famous, but it would be a grand thing to think that my poetry would perhaps be required reading for middle-schoolers or something, and would maybe, just MAYBE inspire some fledgling writer to spread his or her creative wings and try to write, themselves. That is what Sterling North,Lorine Niedecker and Emily Dickenson did for me as a child. Inspired me to find my inner voice of creativity, and it is that gift that has allowed me to work through some very tumultuous emotional states in my life. Being able to write, and express my feelings, to explore that inner world inside of me...it helped me to purge my emotions and find my strengths inside of me.

That would be the legacy I'd like to leave behind...the thought that maybe I helped someone else to find their voice.

The other thing that I want to do with my life is help girls and women who struggle with eating disorders. I have been both anorexic and bulimic in my past and am currently what I consider to be 90% "recovered" from this horrible, emotionally-crippling disorder. My journey toward wellness has been a long and hard one, and I want to help pave the way for others to follow and learn from what I now know about myself and what caused this to develop in me and how to overcome it and live again.

Sites I frequent:

right now, just this place and a site on Yahoo Groups for eating disorder recovery. I am the owner/moderator of the bulimia-recovery forum at Yahoo Groups. I urge any one that reads this that has a problem with an eating disorder of any kind to seek me out there. I will do anything to help anyone with their struggle.

...that and the occassional online Canasta game...I learned Canasta from my mother-in-law when I was 16 years old and have loved it ever since.

Hobbies:
   My hobbies are reading and writing and collecting Beanie Babies. I am a BB FANATIC. I have all but about 5 of all the Beanies ever made at this point and am forever trying to find the ones I am missing as well as buy up every new one that comes out each month. My goal is to have the most complete collection that exists...my family thinks I'm just crazy. Well, I am, but that's beside the point...LOL
General Personality/What makes you unique?:
   I feel I have a fairly outrageous personality in that I have a very quirky sense of humor and a very liberal belief system. I am very open and embrace my sensuality and femininity, and that is a very large part of who and what I am as a woman.

At the same time, however, I am very street-wise and cynical...my therapist tells me I am too cynical. Too skeptical and un-trusting. I tell him that life has made me this way. I trust NO ONE. Least of all myself.

And he also tells me that I need to believe in a higher power. I do. I believe in the essential goodness of man and in love. I believe that we humans trancend other life forms only BECAUSE of that very reason. I do not believe that there is some master director up in the clouds keeping track of what we do or mapping out our destiny and requiring that we pray in a certain manner or give 10% of our income to purchase gold statues to place inside multi-million-dollar places of worship. I belive that God is a personal thing and am wary of any kind of organized religion. I believe in trying to be a nice person, of not ever INTENTIONALLY hurting anyone's feelings. I believe that purgatory is a time when one's soul flies free of the now-dead body where emotions are felt. That we will feel every single tear and heart-ache and betrayal that we ever inflicted upon anyone else during our lives as a pennance for not caring while we were alive. That our own minds are an active, electrical life-force that must go somewhere once our bodies cease to function. Whether this transfer of energy is a cognizant fact or just another form of fossil fuel for the galexies is not certain, of course, but as we share the fundamental cell-biology of all creation, to include the air we breathe and the food we consume and the toxic waste we expell with each breath and excrement we make that it must somehow all tie in together in a fascinating scheme of perpetual forward motion. Instead of collapsing upon itself, black holes are the creation of new solar systems, that life, in all of its forms, is infinite and we're just a very small part of the whole. That's why when it all comes down to the bare essence of EMOTIONS that make the difference between getting through each day or self-destructing, that it makes sense. Very good sense. Emotions stem from the electrical and chemical energy from which all life is formed and are the ONLY thing that matters for real.
I'm on both ends of the spectrum, good and bad, dark and light, extreme and basic, complicated and simple. I see things not so much as polar opposites but as a continuous cycle that merges into one another. That the difference between black and white are a million shades of gray rather than them being on opposite ends of the spectrum. All things lead to all other things, and everything is connected somehow at some point and always will be.



Whew!

Well, there you are, take it or leave it...have a nice day...go kiss someone and be nice

Edited 2006-09-18.