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Rae Lexing

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  • Art Copyright Jimmy Ruska

    alleviate me

    Mood: in an abyss

    Posted on 2007-10-24 17:17:34

       Unfortunetly my life isn't 100% now. I'm a sophomore in a community college and work at a crazy house... I'm only 19 and have a 26 year old boyfriend who at the moment seems to think of me of nothing more that a nussence. Every one I've come into contact latly really don't care about my well being, education, happiness level... Even my boyfriend doesn't enjoy my conversations it seems. I'm pretty heart broken. He punched a cabinet in front of me and then had to be held back. from what. what was he going to do. he thought a sorry would fix everything, but it didn't and he continued to be mad at me because I didn't realize what I had done to deserve what he did. I've never been that afraid of him and I don't know what to do. I don't feel like writing because its right there for him to read. So I will type all of this and hope that he will never find out. I'm extremely depressed, and thank god it isn't affecting my school work. I'm a functional depressed person which is good I think. I need to be alone for a while. I don't think I'm ready to move out with him... I'm going to move my bed up to my moms and start staying there and working on a nice bedroom up there. I don't have a true home where I feel safe and I feel like I need one. His mom's house will no longer suffice. I'm sad and will remain that way until something happens , and I don't think its going to happen.


    Mood: The Usual

    Posted on 2006-10-30 11:26:15

       School is very extrememly boring and I don't want to do math any more and I'm going to be to hung over to go one wensday because everyone knows that Tuesday is halloween and that Means that I won't be able to do any thing. Although I did like being hung over in math class that one time. It really gives me more insight to my eyelids.


    Mood: The Usual

    Posted on 2006-10-18 19:31:27

       I wish people would comment on my poems. I really do like it :)

    its rant time

    Mood: Rant

    Posted on 2006-10-11 19:10:39

       Kimmie my so called friend who went to a college far far away has turned into a monster slut. She used to be just a slut but now I look at her page on the internet and see naked chicks. this bitch is obbsessed with her crack whore friend Chasity. I can't fucking take them. She doesn't try to get a hold of me she just falls off the fucking face of the earth so of course I'm going to be a little angry. what ever. she can go get pregnet for all I care.....

    Poetry assign..

    Mood: Confused

    Posted on 2006-10-02 15:03:20

       I got this assignment to day. I have to write two poems about two different subjects in my life. Then after writting them I have to "combine" the two of them into one interconnected poem like the poem "Persimmons" by Li-Young Lee.
    My two situations are The night Brian and I kissed for the first time and my car crash. You'd think that they weren't connected but they are. Brian and I really connect through this because he was in a serious car crash also and we really bonded over it. So I think I'm going to write about us having this same emotion and experience. I'll post it when its over.


    kickin it

    Mood: Straightening things out...

    Posted on 2006-09-27 19:20:43

       Things are different from when I last wrote. I graduated highschool and am now attending a community college. I'm now in a serious relationship with a guy named Brian. He means a lot to me which will now mean that I'll have a lot of love poems and I will try not to suck at them. I could write about him forever.
    I live by my self now and Brian gave me a cat to have. His name is spaz and I will be sure to put a picture of him on here for everyone to see. I'm taking care of my 3 month old sister and brother as a job.

    I have a purple truck that is like a Hippie van beacause it has a camper and the middle was cut out so it goes straight to the back. It's carpeted and I have a bean bag out there.

    I smoke pot and eat mushrooms. I think that mushrooms are very spirtiual and I learn a lot when I eat them. I believe in god but and Into tao and buddist beliefs. I want to go into the church of paode (sp) where you go on a three day trip. I'll be writing a lot about drugs to.

    I love music. I went to a concert a couple days ago and it was amazing. I got my voice on the radio and watched some good bands. ( Joan jet, atreyu, the muse, avenged seven fold) It was pretty amazing. I'll be writing about music to.

    I think at this point of my life I have things to write poetry about. Its all about experiences and I feel like I have experienced alot and want to experience alot. So I'm going to write about everything. What I have done what I want to do. What is happening.I think that it will be great.


    I feel untitled

    Mood: Lonely

    Posted on 2006-02-06 23:16:19

       My life is gone right now. I've been through so many things these past couple of monthes. I've written so much but I kept it in my Journal.

    My friend died. Not only did he die he died right below my house.

    February 10th was when my cousin died. Her name was Angie. I miss her and now I'm a year older than she was.

    April 10th I got into a bad car accident and I almost died. It felt as if I should have died.

    it made me believe in god.

    I'm going to write about that soon.

    Just not tonight
    the one I just put in was way old.

    two monthes I think.

    See you.



    Mood: Head Aching

    Posted on 2005-11-08 18:02:27

       S.A.T s
    cute boy sat next to me.
    what a gorgeous mexican boy.
    The Test was
    a test.

    Missed a date
    at the mall
    had to go home
    very very disappointed.

    Ate mexican meat and tortillas.
    Pico, cheese and beans.
    With my step family
    and my shiny new sister.

    Worked on Sabbath
    got stoned on sabbath.
    With a circle K worker.
    and kris.

    Felt his hands on my back all night.
    He kept asking me what I was afraid of.
    My stoned self is shy, submissive, horny.
    I didn't talk and put up a big front.

    This is why I get high a lone.
    When I'm writting.
    Alone is so much better for me.

    I have an essay to revise.


    Sad Pending

    Mood: Sad

    Posted on 2005-11-02 23:04:31

       Today was an ok day.
    I read a few poems by Gluck.
    Nothing big I guess.
    I'm doing a couple fundraisers that are going to affect the world. Hopefully, it will all work out.

    My hamster died today. She was my best friend. I mean I loved her a lot. I'm going to miss her. It was her time though so I understand. I loved my hamster.


    Strip Search

    Mood: Paranoid

    Posted on 2005-10-13 12:19:57

       I'm going to Mexico. So I won't be here for four days. I want to come back with a good poem. No not 'good'... Va voom good. Traveling makes me writy. Hopefully my journal doesn't fill up. Theres only like ten pages left. I went shopping for a new one yesterday, but I got a pair of pants that make my butt look good instead. Well I'm off to read more. Bye bye.