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Morbid Rose
Male 17 Pa

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  • Art Copyright Jimmy Ruska

    hey why not

    Mood: Relaxing

    Posted on 2006-11-10 09:44:15

       well things get better so long as you don't stay focused on the shit going wrong. Feelings can never be completely set aside but in this case its good. She makes me happy for now, and I guess its the same for her so its worth it.

    Too much

    Mood: Stressed

    Posted on 2006-06-27 21:41:09 much going on...don't know where to keep these thoughts so they won't bother me again.Because everytime I try..they just seep through.Is if they were water through the cracks.Flowing into every crevace of my mind...bleeding me like wounded animal..draining all my feeling. making it impossible to know where is the beginning. I can't take this shit all the time. When shes with me...I'm happy. I can't stand how I hear something and then I'm not sure to hate her or let it go....but again...what the hell do I know? Does it matter when no one cares? can it be better when theres notihng to say? I doubt it ..because that just means that the truth is not being spoken.Confusion is amidst...why must it be so simplicity such a bad thing?.....I care about so many things but in my caring I also have a lack. I feel so much, yet so pain in the physical form....yet everytime someone says something. I'm scorned, not knowing what to do.But what the fuck...I should be used to it.

    Of course

    Mood: At War

    Posted on 2006-06-19 00:04:49

       At War with myself, about the past and present girl, with thoughts of future things. Hoping that I can end it and still be friends then move on and see the one I'm thinking of. Shes not too far away, and shes not the one who killed me to begin with. But theres always a chance that I could die yet again. Who know how bad it could get? Then again, whats it matter anyway? no one cares about the guy with his heart on his sleeve. They think hes just too emotional for this world....getting knocked down by everything and everyone.But what do they know? They're too far up the air. Stuck on their own selfish "needs" wanting whats not able to be gotten. Well see how far they get with that attitude. When I show them how wrong they are. When I suck it up and make fist into a ball....take 'em down with the rest of this pathetic world. End it just one day.


    Mood: The Usual

    Posted on 2005-09-29 16:12:53

       Hmm I'm not sure, I am a bit depressed today but that has its own story not to be told. I just don't feel like life is worth it anymore. I never really did but lately that s word seems so much easier to say and even easier to do. I don't know.....its fucked I guess. Ohh well.


    Mood: Dead

    Posted on 2005-09-13 21:24:55

       No one ever comments on I feel so unloved, hey check it out....thats not a new feeling! Ohh well,au revoir.

    it hurts but...

    Mood: Frustrated

    Posted on 2005-08-21 23:53:36

       Well there goes Kelley. but I knew that was coming. its a mutual agreement I guess, but it hurts.Alot.But I'll get over it.Life sucks so do you buy a monkey go to the zoo. lol I seriously think it was for the best...and besides it was long distant. How long would it work. But what kills me is how no one can ever just say something. I actually had to ask her if she was thinking about it. Of course I was right which pisses me off sometimes. I hate being so fucking right. And then in relationships......they say that I'm such a great guy or whatever but yet I'm not good enough I guess.if your gonne break a heart don't fucking lie it onlt hurts more when you learn the truth.And it hurts but i'm not going to cry. But what do I care? What do I know? Single...whoo hoo! I guess. Fuckin' shit sucks. Not really the breaking up just the process. I don't know no one cares. Oh well. I'm off....Merry Fucking Christmas I suppose.Have a good life Kelley...hope your happy. See you in the states I guess. I'm off instead of siting and whining I'm gonna drink or something.Au Revoir.


    Mood: Sleepy

    Posted on 2005-08-12 17:49:37

       I had a good nights rest....but I just want to sleep more.I went to practice....then came home and played with the neighbor kids....something I do most days. So I don't know why I'm so tired.But ah well...It doesn't much matter.I'm bored off my one talks to me any more. But I'm used to that....I guess I'm going to take a nap or something.....adios.


    Mood: I won!

    Posted on 2005-07-20 23:24:44

       Monkeys in shoes....that would be cool, yet kind of cruel. I'm not really the type to dress his animal.....or anyones animal for that matter but people do it.
    Why am I talking about this?....I have no clue. then.....I had a pretty good day. Started out with some ball, then it went to games in my neighbors back yard(smeer the queer).I love that game......its very hard to get the ball from me. I don't go down ver took two guys who were like combined at about 400 pounds or so to take me down. PLus all the little kids jumping on my back lol. But I had my neighbors sister helping me....shes only about 4 or so but shes cute and she was helping me keep the ball by pretending to have it or whatever. I love little kids, I don't care whos they are lol. is that a little weird? I just mean that they're so innocent and everything she just kept yelling..."I got the football" and it was so funny. Very adorable, shes a good kid. Kids are probably my biggest weakness, I love them so much and they seem to get along with most of them call me either the hairy giant or something along those lines. lol did I get on this subject again? lol I don't know....who cares? Kids are great.....I plan on having many....ok maybe just a few but Ok i'm not so tired but it seemed best for this......I'm gonna change it to........Hyper? or Rant....something along those lines.
    Chicken...I had chicken for dinner, it was good.I like chicken....especially after dinner when you put it in the fridge cause your jaw hurts from somebody hittin' you in the face during a but yeah ....chicken is good.ok.....I'm gonna shut up now.This was
    I talk alot on good days. Its weird ....haha I'm but everyones a little nutty ain't they? Just gotta know if your almond joy or hershey kisses. Hahahahahaha. I know that was lame but who cares?lol Adios....I mean it this Sayonara.(I don't like goodbyes....very hard for me) ok.....I'm doin' it...........gone.


    Ha! ....

    Mood: Relaxing

    Posted on 2005-07-19 22:27:43

       hmmmmmm I wonder what a world would be like if everyone communicated and talked like my friend(s) and I do? I mean it would be alot easier for everyone. I can't read minds so it helps to know what your thinkin'. I don't know.......maybe I'm wrong. although that don't happen all that often. lol Ask samm, she'll tell ya. But I believe that people must make the best of life and love and sadness and whatever comes their way. Its the whole lemonade and lemon thing. Make the best of life. Can't see it anyother way.
    Like is said in the way of Tai Chi, you must be one with everything, and you must find that through love. If you cannot realize that you are part of me because of love made real through the Wu Chi(the non being(unrealized/maximazed possibility and limitless potential) to become Tai Chi(the real(being). Then how you can you live in harmony with life? Or people?
    And though I do not agree with Tai Chi completely, I agree with it in the sense that you can't take everything to heart and you must search for your own destiny before the world can complete its own. Or something like that......this isn't making any sense is it? ohhh well. just me talkin' I guess lol. Anyways.........I have no idea what that has to do with anything but ehhh......See yous around.


    News? Nuh uh

    Mood: The Usual

    Posted on 2005-06-30 00:21:55

       OK this may sound very familiar if you've read my works but here we go again. Hate, it consumes me. I find out everything. Yet she still can't tell me herself. Why the freak does she do this to me? I hate it, I hate him. I wish this would all end. Its a new guy this time. But I still hate him.....this time for more reasons then the last. I just want to scream, i want to break something or someone open. I want to see their bodily liquids flow over the cement where I just layed him down. I can't take this everytime she finds someone "new". I'm going crazy and I can't help it. I've been asked out by two girls this week and both of them I had to decline at a great cost to them. I feel bad for that and I hate it because its her fault I feel bad. I know I can't move on and it hurts to say that its not you...its her. It breaks their heart and I don't like being the person to do that. I may not be the best guy in the world but I don't think I'm the worst. so I really don't understand whats wrong with me. Why am I so F*cked up?(with a capitol f as you can see<<<<lol) I just really don't get where we went wrong. It hurts knowing that you can't fix the problem. Its an unimaginable pain. Worse than anything I've ever felt. I don't know.....but I hate this day. I really wish it could turn daylightr again so I can fix the problems in this world. They say that one man can make a differance and i believe it but, the question is who is gonna back him up? I will. But how many others will stand by what they believe even if it means certain death? As I have stated before, I welcome death so that has never bothered me. Anyway, I'll go away now, I'm sure no one will read this so why write it you say? well, to get it all off my chest of course. Anyhow, I'll see myself around, possibly. Maybe down on the ground.
    And I got lucky and found a way around my computer so I could post this, although I still can't reply to anything because I can't actually read anything but I thank all of you if any of you said anything. Thank you. I really appreciate it and i hope to say so personally soon.