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Ruby red

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  • Journals:
  • 14
  • Writings:
  • 29
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  • Art Copyright Jimmy Ruska


    Mood: Too much at once...

    Posted on 2005-03-21 03:02:59

       The door swings closed now…
    The hinges beat down
    Just like my nervous habits
    It seems my nails have grown back just in time
    To scratch the familiar path down your back
    As you choose your contemptuous confessions
    And I will separate the truth from the lies
    It is an exact science I have mastered.
    But I am no clean salvation,
    Not a single sin forgiven since
    You named me your conviction
    Just glamorized excuses
    and the refined realization
    that you really can’t live without me
    and I will remind your burdened mind
    the door stays closed this time around


    *deep breath*

    Mood: Straightening things out...

    Posted on 2005-03-17 04:13:50

       Soy tan cansado,
    de usted hombre egoísta,

    There has not been a day that had passed
    where my laughter did not fall short,
    as always I am weighed down by the thought of you,
    still I am not your beloved,
    your eyes are somewhere else today.
    What happens when the ghosts under your bed start breathing?
    when life stops waitng for you?
    you know I will still be here.
    There has not been a touch that did not leave a mark,
    as always you leave a scar,
    still I wear the wounds like badges, pleasure is such sweet pain,
    what happens when you stash me away with the bones in your closet?
    When you catch a glimpse of blood or tears, and learn that I, too can feel?
    Will you still be so sure that I will be here?



    Mood: Head Aching

    Posted on 2005-03-10 04:01:33

       You still hold the power to stop my breath,
    You have proved that, if nothing else
    Where am I without you, baby
    Well, I am still here
    Are you not surprised?
    Oh, you stabbed me.
    Killed me a hundred times,
    Cut me up into pieces
    I was paper in your hands.
    But I can stop my brain
    Like I can stop the bleeding
    Embrace this empty apartment
    Like the wind in my hollow heart
    I still haven’t caught my breath,
    Maybe I will never breathe again.
    Where are you without me, baby
    Well, you are still here
    You seem surprised.


    you camer back

    Mood: Sigh...

    Posted on 2005-02-24 16:29:14

       Our arguing,
    It was cut short over a year ago.
    I left without even giving you a number to call me on.
    And you dare comeback, with your hands hiding in your pockets,
    Speaking of better times,
    The nights when I was your princess,
    And we ate foreign foods drizzled in sweet honey.
    Did you forget that most evenings,
    my supper was a dusty handful of cereal?
    I have buried you away, with the rest of my scars.
    Yet, you have comeback, to leave me alone.
    I would wait months for you, keeping my hair clean.
    In hopes you would collect me for a midnight drive,
    But you were rolling with the rest of the stones.
    Carving a path away from home…away from me.
    So I walked away,
    And now you have wandered back to me,
    Did you even notice that I was gone?
    Put away those shining diamonds…
    I returned them with I took back my heart
    Yes, I remember dripping in them from ear to wrist,
    They were always cold to the touch.
    Just like you.
    They were my prize for being a good trophy.
    I am not the same person,
    You claim you have changed as well.
    Maybe you have, because you came back



    Mood: Relaxing

    Posted on 2005-02-21 05:48:20

       I beg silently at your feet,
    Please avoid touching me,
    Your fingertips have felt too much anyways,
    Don’t you remember how all this started out?
    In that case your arm really ahs no business brushing against mine as I wander by,
    Please stop speaking so innocently.
    You can’t have much more to say?
    Don’t you hate living out a lie?
    My skin hides it well, but I harbor open wounds like your tongue hands out lashes.
    Please refrain from showing your face around here.
    Just hearing your voice tears me apart,
    So please I beg silently at your feet.
    Please don’t let me fall for you again


    mi corazón....

    Mood: Sigh...

    Posted on 2005-02-19 02:18:39

       mi corazón de dolor

    Sometimes I forget my place but I will always go where you want.
    and I talk to much when I am worried about you.
    and I have seen the changes in your face.
    the grooves, the dark around your eyes.
    and I still want you..
    I have hurt your pride be feeling ashamed of my hands,
    and I say next to nothing when we are driving in your car.
    and I have kissed those lips,
    only in the dark of night, with the door shut tightly,
    and I denied everything that happend,
    but I want to be your loving arms,
    and the sleep that follows satisfaction,
    and the health that keeps you alive
    and I will deny you no longer.


    So Weak

    Mood: Thinking...

    Posted on 2005-02-17 12:47:16


    There were all the pauses when I was too afraid to speak.
    There was all that talk of responsibility.
    For that I apologize,
    But I was always the weaker one.
    I still flinch at your name,
    But at least I have my health.

    There were countless chances,
    There was the time I almost cried.
    I would NEVER do that,
    Let you know how weak I am
    But I still cry when I am alone,
    But at least I am breathing.

    There were all those different sides to the story.
    There was so much confusion.
    I don’t know which scared you away.
    Was I to week for you?
    I still feel useless without you,
    But at least I am alive.



    Mood: Tired

    Posted on 2005-02-17 03:47:19

       why did I go out tonight... I didn't even have fun. I spent the whole night drinking and spending money.
    I had a horrible time, I didn't go out to have the bartender stare at my breasts all night. I had hoped that something life changing would happen...i got nothing but a dry i getting a hang over already...fucking great...this bites..and all i am doing is rambling...I apoligize for anyone that has wasted there time reading this crap.


    nothing much

    Mood: Rant

    Posted on 2005-02-16 01:03:53

       Doesn't the sun look pretty burning?
    I'll turn away from you,
    like I turned away from the bright light.
    What's left but your beauty,
    Only my sour scornful ugly little guilt.
    Aren't you sick of my devastating games?
    disgusted by my black charred heart.



    Mood: Just Hungry

    Posted on 2005-02-15 03:26:58

       whats so good about V-day!!!
    the chocolates...and I will say it again.
    The chocolates are good...
    there are every where for me to eat