FatFast
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  Ever wanted that sleek sexy santa look? It can be yours in no time with fatfast! Our product is a mixture of several herbs and spices, fried chicken, small children, and the active ingredients: homemade mayonaise and squirrel lard. In previous attempts we have tried again and again with unsuccessful attempts to create a formula to give people the American body they deserve. We soon discovered that by adding squirrel lard and the special mayo sauce the results could be unexpected and gernerally disturbing. After a few more attempts and various squirrels we discovered that adding the mixes will generate a squirrel. We tried various other ingredients(primarily beer, wiskey, peanuts, corn, hot sauce, and tuna) with less than satisfactory progress. One hot day, the temperature being just right, we accidentally went over the border with hot sauce and the unthinkable occured! We created Pablo, the squirrely columbian. He told us the secrets of the Squirrel + Mayo mix. We quickly brought in his wisdom and knowledge of the magic paste by cutting him up into little squares and adding him back to the mix. That is how this marvel of ingenuity to "feed" the growing demand was created. General side effects are generally variable and horrific, consult your drug dealer for recommended dossage.