| User | FireFly747 | | Topic | need Your Comments | | Message | A Gift
A gift is not a present
inside of a box,
thus, you cannot
unwrap or open.
Well, a gift is
more than
that, because
it is a twinkle
little star, who
brings me
near or brings
me far
Yes, it dwells
in a quiet place
and hides in
empty space
Sometimes, it
burns bright like
an Olympic flame,
but in the end
a gift wins this game
A gift lives inside
your heart, so
know the role and
play your part
It swirls like a wind
beneath my sail
and cast the water
from the deepest well
A gift is gentle as
the rain, so listen
to your gifts, because
you will never be the same
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|| Replies ||
| User | Citygirl | 2006-12-13 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | This poem is awesome! I really like the way the author turns a superficial gift into an insightful piece. I like the analogy between a gift being a twinkling star, and an Olympic flame. I can see what the author is saying regarding a real gift. A real gift or ideal gift has no price, for it is inside a person. It is truly stated; that when you discover that gift you will never be the same. I think the poem has good momentum and tone. Keep writing! CG |
| User | aNNmARIE | 2006-12-11 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Very confused about this piece. You have things jumbled up quite a bit, I don’t understand the second stanza where you bring in "TWINKLE TWINKEL LITTLE STAR". That throws the reader off! Then you go on in the third stanza about "it dwells in a quiet place and hides in an empty space" that almost sounds like an "emo" saying. The fourth stanza just does not really make sense i don’t see how the gift wins the game, or why it is compared to an olympic flame. Then there is the last stanza listen to your gifts because you will never be the same...............I don’t understand how a gift will change you.
I am sorry, the thought that I think you had behind this poem is nice. But overall this is a very ify piece. Feel free to pick one of my poems to pieces!
-AnnMarie |
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