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Confused on my own decisions
Lost in my own action
Wondering if I should become the same person I was before
Or become someone new
Lying to myself about everything
Now seeing things differently
Wondering if I should keep the same reason for why I changed
Or throw it away and forget it all
One thing I came to know is that no matter what year it is
I still am left with the same Teddy Bear Pain
I still am bearing the scars of the past
Not paying mind to the present nor future when I should
Dying in my own sorrow with my Teddy
Cutting while crying
Hiding from everything
Showing no fear yet being afraid
Things change and so do people
But I, I stay the same
For I fear letting go of the past
Due to the fact that I have no present or future
I hold onto it as though it were my Teddy bear
One in which I confined all my pain and secrets in
I hold onto my Teddy Bear Pain
Because
“I’d rather feel Pain then nothing at all”
I’d rather feel this stinging in my heart instead of feeling it hollow
I have no heart, not anymore
It endured to much, became fragile and it broke
Into a million pieces, that can never be constructed back
There is nothing that can construct one’s heart who has endured so much
Torture
I’m fed with lies which I now realized
And yet I continue to believe them
Because, lies was what I grew up with
Lies, Torture, Pain, Loneliness, Sorrow, and Fear
Are my friends and they are all consumed into my teddy bear
This was all realized on New Year when my Teddy Bear Pain was revived
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