| User | onetruesmartass | | Topic | ? about a friend | | Message | Okay, heres the deal. I have a friend who shall remain nameless (and yes it is a friend and not me) and she is utterly spineless. She turns to her husband to answer the simplest of problems, does nothing on her own without consulting him first and deferrs to him on all aspects. Now, that’s just her husband. She has remained friends with people for YEARS that have bad mouthed her behind her back, made her feel worthless to her face and basically treated her like piles of shit. She’s a great girl, fun and I can honestly say my best friend..what do I do? It’s driving me nuts! I hate watching her go thru all this crap, but I like her enough I don’t want to walk away. Any thoughts? |
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| User | Katia | 2005-05-12 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Sadly, there isnt much you can do in terms of suddenly making her see the wood for the trees *sigh* I was in a similar situation once, and I tried to talk to my friend about it...Caused us a weekend of stony silence - and we share a flat. But I think what you could do is try to vaguely hint at the subject - and see how she reacts. If she shows signs of being irritated/defensive/denying, then chances are, she knows there is a big problem there - and then all you can do is continue being a friend, till she decides to talk about it. Do things together, just the two of you, that may include little variations in the process that she would have to make her own decisions about.....things like that...
I know its hard, just standing by and not doing much - but sometimes, thats what it takes. Hope this has helped, in some way... |
| User | WolfStar | 2005-05-11 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | If she can’t trust herself to think for herself, then there’s obviously an underlying problem there. Lack of self-confidence, indecisiveness, timidity, hesitation, confusion... She would not depend on those people for everythng if she didn’t need or want to. Clearly on some emotional/mental level, she needs to think that someone else is making all the decisions and supporting her.
You can’t change that if she feels that she needs it to survive. You can slowly herlp her gain independence, but that’s about it. You can’t make a chicken into an eagle. But you can try to to show her the other way of living, though in the end it is her choice if she wants to change. |
| User | Maskannai | 2005-05-11 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I hear ya there.. I have a friend who broke up with her boyfriend, and then he stalked her, and even broke into her apartment once.. So, like she always does when she has problems, she ran away to mommy up in canada.. She’s back here again and with him again, and they’re planning on getting married.. With them it’s just useless to give her advice any longer cause she’s made her decision.. It’s so frustrating to see her with him cause he’s not at all good for her.. |
| User | onetruesmartass | 2005-05-11 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | oh yeah, lots of times. nothing works and nothing changes. she gets defensive and i don’t want to push her away. then she says I just don’t understand. that’s the stock answer. |
| User | Maskannai | 2005-05-11 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Have you tried broaching the subject?? You know, talking to her about it?? |
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