| User | Gib | | Topic | Start setence | | Message | I have got an issue to discuss. "Competition is ultimately more beneificial than detrimental to society" How to make a excellent start paragraph?
And this is my own "Nowadays there is much discussion about whether or not competition is more beneficial than detrimental to our society. The speaker claims so.As far as I am concerned,I agree with this assertion. Competition contributes to progress in society."
Is there any problem with my start paragraph? How to modify it to better attract readers’ eyeballs? |
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| User | Rokhal | 2006-07-05 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | "As far as I am concerned" weakens your statement. It is now unprovable and irrefutable, since it reports your own condition.
Since your issue is so wordy and awful, I’d take it out, restate it in normal human language that shows you understand what it means and it’s clear to your audience, and go from there. |
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