| User | EternitysLyre | | Topic | The Commentor Club | | Message | All ye who taketh pride in thine critique, step forth from anonymity; membership most humbly be proffered to thy palm. To each and every member who strives for eloquence, cogence, and breviloquence, come forward, for you are welcome here. This is the haven for those who offer advice to the needy, and stones at the prideful, where we critique critique, and comment upon commentary.
(For all the people out there who think comment quality could be bettered with no extravagant amount of effort on the commentor’s part; feel free to criticize generally, or offer advice to those already members.) |
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| User | mae | 2005-05-21 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Okay, EL, here’s a 344 word comment I posted on a writer’s comment page - with no quoted material at all. **Shakes head, muttering ’I never thought I’d do this’**
[ Edit ][ Submission ] .: :. | Website | (This part doesn’t count in the word total)
Okay, writing for the sake of the rhyme is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Write for the message, then for the words, then for the form and last for the rhyme. Many of the words you’ve used here seem to be used simply for the sake of the rhyme. There’s not really a message and you’ve ditched any idea of form or proper grammar. That’s doing your writing and your audience a major disservice.
I’ve noticed that you like to write inspirational pieces. So go about it as if you were writing just for God. Is this your best? Would He like it? Would He prefer that you use grammar that makes sense or would He be okay with just putting something down that rhymes?
Writing rhyming poetry is hard but it’s worth it if you pull it off. However to pull it off requires more effort than it feels you’ve put into this. The rhyme must be secondary to the message. The best rhymes are not even noticed until after they’re read, like "Oh, that rhymed!"
My suggestion would be to just all-out rewrite this. You may decide to not use rhyme at all, but if you do, make use of a good rhyming dictionary. If you write on the word processor, there’s a program called Write Express Rhymer that doesn’t require being connected to the internet. It costs about $20. If you can have the internet connected at the same time you’re writing on the word processor, try having Thesaurus.com up. It’s free and it gives you about a gazillion words, both synonyms and antonyms for every word you can think of. It’s also got a link to a dictionary - all for free. There’s also Rhymezone.com. It has a rhyming dictionary, a thesaurus and all kinds of other dictionaries - again for free.
I’d really like to see you put thought into the form, structure and mechanics of your writing while you’re composing it, as well as into your message. You’ll find that your message gets across so much better. mae
Okay, how’s that? mae
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| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-05-17 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Silly and proud of it!
*will try for a 300-word post* |
| User | mae | 2005-05-15 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Do I hear 1.5? I’ll go for that. I really don’t want to fill up someone’s page with meaningless verbage, but at 1.5 times I think I can find some useful things to say. On at least one poem, anyway. I might even make it to 2 times, but I can promise 1.5. Is that okay with you, EL?mae |
| User | besodemuerte | 2005-05-08 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | hmmm... 510 words.... i’ll have to find an interesting piece to pull this off... |
| User | MyX | 2005-05-08 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Eternity, you are a silly man.
But I admire you.
MyX |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-05-06 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | umm, 173.6*5 = 868 words. Right then, Mae, I hereby exclude you from the challenge too. Those of us who give more than...50 words per post are thoroughly encouraged, while those between fifty and a hundred are suggested to try maybe 3 times.
How about, we do 2? :) |
| User | mae | 2005-05-05 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | EL, five times as long would be over 600 words! Even longer for you! I’m not going to put that on someone’s page! mae |
| User | vedanta19 | 2005-05-03 | | | Subject | finally.. | | Message | something interesting :) You rock, people !!! |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-04-30 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Challenge of the week! Post a comment that’s five times as long as your average comment, and put a copy of it here for us to enjoy. That’s not including quoted passages either! (Egocentric ramble, however, will be tolerated if humorous.) |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-04-27 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | --On a side note: That’s spellodrama, without doubt. One of the many ails of the modern fledgling poet. It’s good to know there are those who suffer not from it. *offers membership to the club* |
| User | Krazy | 2005-04-26 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Hello! (Sorry, I meant to put it in with my response but I forgot, oops.) |
| User | Krazy | 2005-04-26 | | | Subject | Thanks | | Message | Alright, thank you. I commented on two of their pieces but had to stop, it irritated me, as, well, a writer. I don’t know what other word to use but shameful. It was like some one just randomly decided that this is what they are going to do, not even thinking about it. She is a really nice girl and I hope she will take some of my advice into consideration. Thank you again, I was having momentary lapse of judgement.
-Bonnie |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-04-26 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Krazy, you are correct on all accounts. I personally make a point on not commenting on people who do such things, or at least mutilating them in commentary. If they don’t respect it, I’ve no reason to keep my tone in deference. But hello! |
| User | mae | 2005-04-25 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Re: ’abbreviations’ - I don’t think you were offbase at all. We are writers and writers use WORDS - hello! It’s not being in a hurry, it’s being lazy. mae |
| User | Krazy | 2005-04-24 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I was wondering aout something. I recently commented on ones piece who didn’t spell everything out like saying "I will love u 4 ever". Was I wrong in telling the person it seemed like they weren’t taking much pride in their work, making it seemed detached, less personal? I don’t know...I guess you might have to read it. All of their work was that way, I checked, you know, to see if it was just because they were in a hurry with that certain one, but it was every single one, meh.
Sorry, I’m not sure, guess I was just ranting... |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-04-24 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | *rarely revises, as he hasn’t written with publish or public opinion in mind yet, but always keeps his criticisms in mind* Many say I write meaningless fluff, who don’t read my free verse, and others say I’m better off trying my hand at prose, who haven’t read my prose, and so on and so forth. It’s amusing, at best. |
| User | mae | 2005-04-23 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I plead guilty to not always revising on ES even when I agree with the comment. This is not where I ’store’ my work. I may change a piece on my word processor and forget all about changing it on ES. So people have probably been bugged with me for not revising when in my mind, everything is all up-to-date. Sigh. mae |
| User | Learah | 2005-04-20 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I think a great deal of good commentary is lost here at ES. Not through reluctance to suggest, but reluctance to waste time. There’s a glut of work and thousands of users and yet, how many people edit their work? Sometimes I read something/see something and think, "that’s good, but it could be so much better if only..."
I rarely finish, because often I realise that the writer doesn’t want the suggestions. WHen I start commenting, I keep going til I’m done, I try to cover as many areas as possible. But it’s so discouraging if you know your remarks will be met with little more than a "thank you for your comment" and perfunctory reply on a post of your own.
It’s nice to get comments but I’d rather one constructive, extensive crit to ten gushing compliments.
Ah well... I’m just having a bit o’ a rant! |
| User | EternitysLyre | 2005-04-19 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | That makes /so much/ more sense. :) Thanks, I’ll try to write like that more often--though that’s only because I had very tangible things to add to their work. Beyond some threshold I can only give wishy-washy fluff and hope it helps them somehow :( |
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