| User | WolfStar | | Topic | Adivce... Please. | | Message | I’ve lost faith in people.
During the course of my short life, there were many (too many) moments when I was abandoned by my family. I’m not trying to make it a sob story, and I’m over that fact that it happened that way. It’s just that now, becasue of that experience, i have a hard time trusting people or believing in their decency.
A child should never have to wonder when her mother is going to feed her, and then decides to di it herself because it would never happen. A child should never be ignored or disbelieved when she tells her family that she has been sexually abused by someone she knows. A child should never feel like her mother manipulates her for gain.
Throughout all these experiences and more, I ahve realized that I am the only one looking out for me. In the darkes, hardest times of my life I stood alone.
And now things are better. I have a sister who loves and cares for me. I have a relatively stable life. But how can I find that trust again? That belief that i will be deserted again and again by people I love? How do gain that faith again when it’s been broken so many times? |
|| Replies ||
| User | littlepoet | 2005-06-01 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | i agree with joey it"s going to take time I’am finding that out too your not alone |
| User | joeyalphabet | 2005-06-01 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | If you’ve alienated people and they’re people whose lives you want to be a part of, it’s time to take your humble pill and ask them to forgive you. You can’t e sure they will, but it beats being miserable and alone. Mae was right, BTW--people make mistakes and that’s part of any relationship. ’To err is human’ after all.
Chrono’s advice to try to get out and socialize is good too. :-) |
| User | mae | 2005-06-01 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Back to square one.
Familiar territory, huh? mae |
| User | WolfStar | 2005-05-31 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Yeah, it’s lonely... That’s why I’m hoping to change this thing. It’s njust hard because trsut has to be earned, and I’ve alienated a lot of people.
Back to square one. |
| User | mae | 2005-05-31 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I came to the sad realization years ago that I’m the only one I CAN trust
Wolfie, that probably isn’t really true; it’s just that the people you were supposed to be ABLE to trust did not prove trustworthy. Please don’t give up on everyone because those people let you down. You’re going to miss out on so many wonderful relationships if you hold to that. The other thing you will need to keep in mind is that if someone you care about does let you down, that doesn’t mean (necessarily) that they’re in the same category as those who abused you. Most people aren’t - they’re just human. They get it right sometimes and wrong other times.
I’d hate to see you do a 180 and start bestowing your trust on everyone you met, but I’d also hate to see you lose out because you just refused to let yourself trust anyone for anything. That sounds like a prescription for a lonely life to me. mae |
| User | WolfStar | 2005-05-31 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | I do trust myself. I came to the sad realization years ago that I’m the only one I CAN trust. But thanks guys. Really. Outside imput is really good for me. |
| User | secret moon | 2005-05-29 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Trust is rough. I have trust issues myself -- big ones -- for a lot smaller reasons than you do, and I still don’t trust people. Honestly, I’ve been turning inwards on all the people I ever once trusted... but mostly it’s because I don’t trust myself. Maybe that will help you... do you trust yourself? And if you don’t... why? And then so on from there. Maybe this is just Sydney Waerington’s spastic weirdness, but those are my thoughts.
-Secret |
| User | mae | 2005-05-28 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | It IS hard, hon’. And there will be days when it just won’t seem worth it (especially when one of those people who has harmed you shows up again, doing their same ol’ stuff). But it is worth it. It really and truly is. What’s more, YOU are worth it. There is one other thing that would probably be very helpful to you and that’s professional counseling. You’re still very young, but the things you went through will shape who you are, either for good or ill, for the rest of your life. The best way to make sure they shape you for good is to find a good counselor to help you deal with the aftermath. I mean, you’ve already been through all this garbage, right? You may as well try to make it work FOR you. I know cost can be an issue, but there are lots of free or reduced fee clinics. Or if you have a university nearby with a family therapy program, you can often receive counseling there. Check it out. mae |
| User | WolfStar | 2005-05-28 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Thank you, mae. I think I’ll keep that in mind. It’s just.... hard. Exhausting. But I’ll put in the effort. |
| User | mae | 2005-05-28 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Wolfie, start small. And start with with your sister. You know her. Trust her to set a place for you at the dinner table each night. Trust that she isn’t going to change the locks to the house without telling you. The Bible says that God will entrust large things to those who were faithful in small things. So follow his example and start small. Don’t trust someone with the deepest secrets of your heart. Instead, trust them to meet you at the coffee shop after school. Don’t really worry about the fact that you don’t trust in general. Trust comes from being trustworthy. Realize that your "trust sensor" is a bit damaged and will give you false negatives a lot of the time. You don’t need to apologize for that, just realize that it will happen.
The very biggest thing you need to do FOR YOU - and the very hardest thing ever - is to forgive. You know a little about me. I sent you a message before. Some people don’t deserve to be forgiven, but work on forgiving them, anyway. For you, not for them. Anger left to fester in your heart becomes bitterness and bitterness will eat you up inside. Each day, think of one thing that someone has done to harm you, large or small, and just say, I forgive _____ for _____. Then walk away. Now, I’m no simpleton, and I’ve already been through this, so I know - and you know - that the anger and bitterness will come right back, even for that very incident. And when it does, do it again. And again. And again. And again. As often as you need to until it isn’t on your mind all the time, and you can let go of the anger. That’s when the real forgiveness will come and the healing for you will begin.
It’s a long, hard road, Sweetie, getting over all that stuff. But it will be the most beneficial journey you will ever undertake. So, again, start small. (((((Wolfie)))))) (Gentle hugs) mae |
| User | joeyalphabet | 2005-05-25 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | It’s not something that’s going to come easily. You need to take your time. Just let it come on its own. My son had a bad experience 2 years ago where someone he trusted seriously broke that trust, and now like you, he’s very afraid to trust anyone, even us.
You sound (at least from your posts I’ve read) like someone who has her head on straight despite your hard times. The fact that you’re even asking the question indicates to me you haven’t been damaged beyond the point of never trusting anyone again.
You’re also right that a child shouldn’t have to wonder about whether a parent will take care of her. My wife went through a lot when she was a child: her mom sick then dying, abuse and lack of care from her dad. She turned out pretty good. She’s a loving wife and mother now.
I really do think you’ll be fine, given some time to heal. Don’t rush it; it’ll come.
Peace,
Joey |
| | |
