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User	Demon__666 | 2008-10-07 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Ah! Ok Good Point!

User	Sayaleo1 | 2008-10-06 |
Subject	take control girl
Message	I’m positive that you’ve already given him the big CIAO! No man can control us unless we give them the ’’right’’ to do it! They only think they can anyways...

User	Demon__666 | 2008-10-01 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Blah!

User	Demon__666 | 2008-09-12 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Thanks to you Greatly. I will take into consideration every word of what you typed! Its not looks its a certain charm that he holds. IDK what it is but its really diffacult to resist!

User	Sir Jimeth | 2008-09-12 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Change is possible in people, but most "change" is short term before they revert back to what they usually do. Whatever your relationship is like now, focus on your future without considering him, just in case. Maybe he’ll actually change, maybe he won’t. I know a thing or two about manipulating people (I was pretty shitty to some people in the past) and the apology, I had a shitty past thing is really effective. I know for me I was telling the truth, but I still got off (mentally) to the fact that I had so much control. I wasn’t ever abusive though, just manipulative bastard who used people who cared about him. I can blame my past, but that’s an excuse. I’ve bettered myself and have begun to treat people better so I know it’s possible to change. Just be wary, the apology bit is usually honest, but also a means of maintaining control. I tried changing for a long time, but it wasn’t until the relationship with the person I manipulated ended that I could actually do so. I met a woman who made me never want to use a person again. Then she hurt me. Ha. I completely deserve it for my past I guess. I don’t know what it is to bring people down, only what it’s like to control through manipulation. The point I was trying to make about me not managing the change until a new person is that I do have a high degree of doubt that he will change in regards to you. He will give in to you more readily for a while and not ask much of you, but there’s a chance that he will return to what he knows he can do to you. If you think the relationship is worth it, see how it goes, but remain aware of when he starts doing the same stupid shit again. If he does, end it. That’s all I know to say. I want to note your statement here, "He is one of those guys that girls just swoon over i mean he makes me weak at the knees and i cant seem to be mean or assertive with him. Do you think if i thought about it enough and got mad enough it would help?" Men who women swoon over (and women who men swoon over) are less likely to change much because they know that if the relationship ends they have plenty of other options. I don’t know what makes him swoonworthy to you or the women you say swoon over him, but consider if it is largely looks or personality. Based on what you’ve already mentioned, it sounds like his looks are the reason. Allow yourself to know that all people age and that looks are things are bodies through away early, how a person is is more important. Don’t be part of a trophy relationship. It’s not worth it when you could be with someone who you can talk to, who understands you and respects you, who loves you as much as you love them. I don’t know if you are with him thinking of the long-term or short-term. Just consider this stuff from a person who has some experience. He might change, but change is a difficult and personal process and doesn’t happen overnight. With abusive people who are also manipulative I don’t know if what changing from that is like. Again though, not overnight and maybe never. It’s a difficult thing.

User	Demon__666 | 2008-09-11 |
Subject	untitled
Message	And again thanks. I am doing what i can to get rid of it. Though i had a breakthrough i told him how i felt and what he was doing and we actually talked face to face. He said he was sorry and that he would change and he actually treats me like i am a human not a piece of property or his dog. I am happy with the results. I also found out that he has never had a serious relationship before. His Last 3 gfs used him for sex and money and i am not like that. Since i have talked to him though he has gotten alot better. But the situation i fear will change.

User	conascot | 2008-09-11 |
Subject	untitled
Message	First of all I want to commend you for actually giving this serious consideration. I know it must be difficult for you. Can you talk to your parents or another family member about this? They need to know. Prejudices against women are deep rooted and it is global. I suspect your BF may be one who does not think too highly of the female gender; may even feel he is entitled to do as he pleases with you since you mentioned that he verbally abuses you. Getting mad and telling him off won’t help since your opinion already means very little to him.Women are not to be the opressed victims of men who take advantage of them, mistreat them or subject them to abuse of any kind.;men also should not be treated this way either. The facts show that some women are abusive to their partners as well and I won’t even start about child abuse. Honestly, you shouldn’t short change yourself. What are your plans for after school? A writing career? Whatever you choose start focusing on other things not him. I just bet you he’s got more than one girlfriend anyway. I recognize the type. He has serious issues and it’s not your job to fix him. If I were you (and again this is only my opinion) I’d dump him completely and take the time to learn more about myself and what I want and what I will or will not tolerate .Knowledge is your first line of defense. Saying NO to him IS an option. Move on. Trust me, there ARE good guys out there. Don’t waste your time on this one. I’m sorry to be so blunt, I only want to help. You are so young and feelings at this age are so sharp and it’s hard to see yourself 5, 10 years down the road. Been there done that. I can tell you without a doubt it only takes a moment to make a bad decision that you will remember for a lifetime. What kind of memories do you want?

User	Demon__666 | 2008-09-08 |
Subject	untitled
Message	I will not ignore you after all you are only helping me with something i asked for help on. Thanks for the advice. My problem with the break is that we hardl;y ever see eachother and that should be time. We talk on the phone all the time. Should i stop with that for a few days to think as well. I live in drumright and he lives in Sand springs and its like an hour away and hes always at work and i am always at school. I think i do need to work on my self esteem a little bit i guess. He hasnt hit me yet. He is very mentally abusive tho. If i was more assertive do you think it would help to get my point across to him that i dont like how i am being treated? He is one of those guys that girls just swoon over i mean he makes me weak at the knees and i cant seem to be mean or assertive with him. Do you think if i thought about it enough and got mad enough it would help?

User	Sir Jimeth | 2008-09-05 |
Subject	untitled
Message	conascot is 100% correct. I also suggest doing some research on codependency. Also, working on your self-esteem. What you’ve told us makes me think that your feelings for him either stem from the length of time you’ve been together or from low self-esteem. Moving on from something you’re used to is difficult, but has to be done when it isn’t healthy. It’s ultimately your choice, but I personally can find no excuse to stay with someone who wants to -own- you rather than -share- life with you.

User	conascot | 2008-09-05 |
Subject	untitled
Message	I said what I did about women in shelters to get your attention. It really CAN become that serious. I’ve known so many who have ended up that way. From the little you’ve said about your relationship w/ him, it doesn’t sound like a healthy one in my opinion. There are definite signs that you might want to step back and look at things from a different perspective. You owe yourself that much. Just a few suggestions and I mean this only as friendly advice. You of course have the option to ignore; after all you don’t know me. Get on the internet and research about abusive relationships; what are the signs etc. Talk to others that you respect and trust who can gve you an impartial opinion, take time off from seeing him to think things over w/o him pressuring you. Above all else; respect yourself! If you respect yourself you wouldn’t allow someone to treat you so shabbily, nor would someone who "claims" to love you treat you badly. You are probably feeling bad about yourself; probably second guessing everything. I suspect that your gut is telling you something is wrong or why would you have brought this up in the first place? We all have made mistakes but for god’s sake girl, you don’t have to learn everything the hard way.

User	Demon__666 | 2008-09-05 |
Subject	untitled
Message	I asked for help on here because believe it or not i actually dont have many friends and they dont care enough to talk to me. I also asked because i didnt know if maybe i was over reacting. I know it sounds dumb but i really really love him. More than anyone i have ever been with and i really dont want to break up with him but i dont want to be a woman in the shelter in the future.

User	Sir Jimeth | 2008-09-05 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Then yes. When someone tries to tell you what you are allowed to do and what you are not allowed to do without a good reason that is controlling. "conascot" is correct to some extent. "i wasnt even allowed to go pee alone." That is degrading. Do you want to be with someone who has no respect for you? I want to believe that this whole thing is meant to be a joke. Otherwise maybe there is a reason he doesn’t respect you. Based on what you said the problem is obvious and I honestly can not believe you actually need someone to confirm this for you. Nor can I figure out why you’re asking on the internet instead of talking to people you actually no and getting help. Possibly protection if he’s one of those crazy, worthless bastards.

User	conascot | 2008-09-04 |
Subject	untitled
Message	women hiding in shelters used to be where you are now.

User	Demon__666 | 2008-09-04 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Yeh a lil bit.

User	Sir Jimeth | 2008-08-31 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Do you actually need confirmation on this?

User	Demon__666 | 2008-08-29 |
Subject	untitled
Message	Yep

User	discombobulated | 2008-08-29 |
Subject	untitled
Message	whoa. totally. he needs a chill pill.