| User | steph1011 | | Topic | Forget | | Message | We are close
but its time for
you to move on
with your life.
You have differant
interests, more experiences
I just think you
will find this
enjoyable, even though
I will be hear
alone and scared.
No one to talk to
no one to express
my feelings.
I have no one to
follow, as a role model
as a friend, a best friend.
Just forget me now
I know you won’t
come back the same.
You will be differant,
so will I. It will be long
but someday. I hope
it will be the same. |
|| Replies ||
| User | Robert Davidson | 2005-11-26 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | A very moving account of the need to move on after a relationshi[p has come to an end, and how one can never really forget.
Robert Davidson. |
| User | Darke_Valentine | 2005-11-24 | | | Subject | OMFG errors | | Message | Okay kitemartyr.... Here’s a helpful hint from the Raven. Never accuse other people of making too many grammatical mistakes when you yourself have made several errors. It appears you cannot type without the aid of a spellchecker to help you with your ailing abilities in that area. Also, your sentence structure leaves a *lot* to be desired. And lastly, two other people mentioned the "I, We, You" matter. It is my personal belief that you merely mimic the observations of others and incorporate it into your own posts so that you will actually look as if you have a valid point, instead of simply kicking people when they are down.
Is that more or less what you really meant, insphered soul? I’m sorry to simply jump in uninvited, but the opportunity to deliver such a deserving verbal smackdown was simply too much to resist.
And on the poem itself. I think I’m going to reserve judgement on this until I see the next version of it... It could be better, true. But it could also be a lot worse than it is. One point I’d like to make though: Is this a song or a poem? Because this would probably work better as a lyrical piece, rather than poetical.
I’m Raven, your verbal bitchslapping Dark Gryphon, and....I’m not quite done on this one yet... |
| User | insphered soul | 2005-11-10 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | kite martyr, you are a dumb fuck who cant string two words together without being a dumbass. |
| User | kite martyr | 2005-11-05 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | too many grammatical errors, to much use of the words ’I’, ’we’, and ’you’. Other than this, I emjoyed the emotional sound of despair playing through my mind as I see best friends moving away from each other, going towards what will undoubtly make them stronger friends in the end, yet my interpretation may wrong. Good poem, It really go my attention. |
| User | Lady Ankou | 2005-07-15 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | The poem has alot of emotion which I can relate to. I do like it. However, I think you need to edit it because I noticed some spelling and grammar errors, though that isn’t really important. I think that there is to much use of "we", "I", and "you". The sentences don’t really seem to flow very well together. More use of commas might help. Anyways, I still think it was a good poem. |
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