| User | Shiyoku | | Topic | A romance wasted | | Message | Love is the only thing that kills me,
Hate and violence only cut me,
The feeling of being discarded; only scrapes me,
The look you gave me when I glanced at you,
That made me trip,
Now all I think about is why I was so stupid,
To think a being like you would be so cruel,
As cruel as it was I am the one to blame,
for my shapeless mind was so blind,
To see right through your lies,
Now I try my hardest to forget everything you said,
To forget you’re touch, your kiss, you’re whisper in my ear,
The time we spent that night,
Just gazing at the stars,
The summer night so cold,
Yet so warm inside you’re grasp,
When I was so scared so you took my hand,
And walked along beside me,
You told me nothing would happen,
But now I feel like everything went wrong,
You changed so much and it hurt me so,
Now you’re glance upon me,
It showers me with fear with memories so near,
I try to hold it all inside but it leaks so bad at times,
Now I try to forget,
All the memories that I try to make fade,
They only recover when glances are returned,
I close my eyes to them now,
So Love is the only thing that kills me,
Hate and violence only cut me,
The feeling of being discarded; only scrapes me,
The look you gave me when I glanced at you... |
|| Replies ||
| User | Logic | 2006-07-06 | | | Subject | untitled | | Message | Pretty good, but too long. |
| User | clovernfoxglove | 2005-12-14 | | | Subject | Honesty | | Message | I will be honest with you. I think this needs some work. It is a very emotional piece and many emotional pieces, when they are first written, are hasty and not well thought out. I like that this one seems to have an actual point and a direction that it’s going in. Push yourself harder and deeper and really express yourself well. This is a good start, and it can only get better from what you’ve built. |
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