| User | Wickie2358 | | Topic | Elnor the Great | | Message | I’ve recently taken to writing a story set in ancient greece. Please bare in mind that this is my first ever story.
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Prologue.
In a forest north of the pass of Thermopylae, Elnor was sitting upon a gnarled tree stump pondering whether the upcoming battle against Sparta was indeed going to be his last battle. But then again, He always thought like this before a battle. By the skin of his teeth He had barely survived the battle against Herxes. Now with a 5 inch scar along the left hand side of his face, he felt battle weary once again. One small mistake and he could be lying face down with his throat ripped open; the sword of Herxes missed his jugular by about an inch. He was lucky to survive with his life, whilst many of his fellow soldiers were now dead.
Elnor was a warrior from Matinea, who during his younger years had moved to Thermopylae to get away from all the blood shed between the Persians and the Spartans. With Sparta destroying the vast Persian army, the Spartans turned to conquering the rest of Greece. The next stop was Thermopylae where our story begins.
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Chapter 1 - Rough Nights and Hard Times
The king of Sparta, Leonidas was sitting in his main room of the house. In 24 days he was going to war against Thermopylae, one of his main concerns was the rumours of Elnor the Great who was raising an army to stop the Spartans conquering the land. But why should he worry? Leonidas had one of the greatest army’s in Greece; in fact one of the greatest army’s to ever walk the lands of the gods. Many men had fallen under the Spartan sword, a lot of great warriors also died under the sword of Leonidas. He was very talented in battle strategies, so he knew when and where to attack next. No god damn bastard Matinean traitor is going to get the best of the king of one of the greatest forces in Greece. Leonidas decided to retreat to his private chamber for the night.
Ragnok, one of the kings trusted right hand men, entered the room without knocking. “You god damned whoreson! What gives you the right to enter my private chamber without knocking?! I have every right to slit your throat and watch you struggle for air as your brain slowly starves of oxygen, but alas I will forgive you this one time. What brings you to my room at this hour of the morning?" Ragnok was taken back by the king’s sudden outrage, had he unknowingly walked in on the king during a sexual act? None the less he spoke "My king, I have word from Othello that the people of Thermopylae are actually enlisting Elnor in raising an army, I also have word from a local baker, who, yes, we have successfully bribed into being a spy inside the town. That the army is reaching a mass of 4,000 and with plenty of other people from neighbouring towns who are considering an up rise against Sparta" King Leonidas did not seem bothered with this, but spoke anyway. "Well Ragnok, maybe we should run and hide like little babies scared of the dark monsters of hell. Or maybe in fact there is no reason to worry; no matter how many people he recruits he will never match the army of Sparta. We have an equal army of 500,000 soldiers who are willing to die in the name of Sparta, what does he have? A mere 4,000 soldiers, who are in fact, not even real soldiers. Yes ok so he may have some ex service men, and sure enough he may be training them with adequate battle techniques but we Spartans have 500,000 soldiers who are born and bred to fight. He has farmers, towns folk and a few ex soldiers?! He doesn’t stand a chance. Now kindly get the hell out of my private chambers before I change my mind and drop you to the floor with my sword!" Ragnok hurried out of the king’s chamber, with thoughts racing through his mind that the king has surely lost his mind with power. He may have a larger army, but he once told him that the strategist never under estimates the enemy no matter how small it is.
Meanwhile...
Elnor, my man! Come we shall drink wine tonight and be merry, tomorrow we shall carry on recruiting. "Enough of your pathetic blubbering Percius, we have not got the time or money to waste on getting drunk, we shall set up camp for the night. First thing tomorrow we shall buy food and supplies and move north east to Trachis, I hear there are a few willing people who want to join the greater cause of defeating the Spartans once and for all" Elnor and Percius, were just out side of Thermopylae, at the foot of Mount Parnassus. Tonight the wind was strong and the rain was beating down heavily, moving to closer to the base of the mountain, they set up camp whilst tying the horses to the neighbouring trees which provided ample shelter for the steeds.
The morning came fast, and with it brought beautiful rays of sunshine. It looked as if the storm was finally over. Something felt odd. He hurriedly got dressed, finally after strapping all his armour plating on he put his helm on, which was made of solid bronze. Polished so vigorously it replicated gold, on top was a black plume of horse hair, adorned at the sides with sliver wings. He reached for his sword, grasping the hilt closely whilst moving towards the entrance of his tent. He opened the tent and saw a trail of blood. He quickly drew his sword whilst very carefully surveying the surroundings, he followed the blood trail and to his horror saw Percius lying dead on the floor gullet cut open and all his possessions stolen, he quickly looked around for the perpetrator but no one was to be seen. Suddenly an arrow flew through the air missing his head by a mere inch. "Who’s there? Show your self" A rather large, well built Nomad stepped from behind the trees and ran full pelt towards Elnor, who side stepped and buried his broad sword to the hilt into the assailants mid section ripping the sword upwards spilling his guts all over the floor. He withdrew his sword and viciously brought it down in a devastating arc that sliced clean through the Nomads neck, splintering bone, slicing through the sinew and sending the head toppling to the left, a shower of blood spilling from the neck. "Is there anymore of you bastards out there?!" There was no answer. Elnor dropped to his knees, Percius was his best friend, and they had been friends for over 15 years. And now he was gone thanks to some bastard nameless Nomad. Pain and anger welled within Elnor. He went to untie the horses but to his horror they were gone. That god damned whoreson of a Nomad had released them, hoping he would kill both him and Percius. Now he had no choice but to walk the rest of the 30 mile trek to Trachis.
Elnor reached Trachis, very tired, angry and hungry late in the evening. He searched for an inn where he could spend the night. Unfortunately he had no choice but to find shelter in a doorway of the local bakery. All of the inns were shut for the night. Elnor awoke next morning from a hard kick to the ribs. "Get out of my doorway tramp! Or I’ll kill you for blocking customers entering my shop." Do you know who I am fool? I am Elnor the great, I spent 19 hours travelling 30 miles on foot, due to some bastard Nomad killing my closest friend and releasing my horses, there was no inn open. I had no choice but to sleep rough. I have no food, no money and last of all I don’t need you pestering me so early! “Almighty Zeus! The rumours are true, you are raising an army! My name is Gregorian the baker. Please forgive me sir, I have been having trouble lately with tramps sleeping in the door way. If I knew it was you I would have never...” Enough old man! I’ll forgive you if you’ll be so kind as to offer me some food and clean water "Certainly sir, it would be a pleasure. And after you have eaten and cleaned yourself up I shall show you around Trachis, there are a lot of people here who have heard the rumours about you and are willing to join you in the cause of destroying Sparta. But for now, let us eat. Come in sir, and please sit down.
Elnor entered the bakers shop, and was led to the back room by Gregorian where he prepared him a lavish meal of bread and goats cheese, washed down with some excellent Lentrian red wine."Beautiful meal old man, now let us go and find willing soldiers. Forget about showing me around town, can you arrange it for all the people in the town to meet in the main square in an hour? But make sure you don’t tell them what it’s for, and what ever you do, DO NOT tell them I am here. I want to surprise the people of Trachis" Gregorian paused for a while, then answered "Well sir, I’m not sure if its possible within the hour, but give me 2 hours and I should have it sorted" Gregorian went off to the east to organize the mass town meeting. Meanwhile Elnor washed the mud and dirty rain water from his body. He got dressed and decided to take a walk around Trachis, he met an old seer, who held his hand and warned him about dangerous times and hardship in his upcoming mission. She finished her statement by saying "Thanks for listening kind Elnor" But how did she know his name? She couldn’t see his face her eyes were burnt from the sockets. He turned around to query this old hag but she had vanished. He wasn’t quite sure whether she was real or in fact just a vision in his mind. But none the less he disregarded it and carried on to examine the town. The 2 hours were almost up and he headed to the town square.
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Chapter Two - A New Beginning
Gregorian had done a great job of gathering everyone, well almost everyone in the town to the square. Elnor look around for a high vantage point where he could address the mass crowd. He spotted the town Sun Dial at the end of the square. Perfect. He proceeded to the Sun Dial, climbed up the maintenance ladder and stood atop the massive figure. "FRIENDS, NOBLEMEN, AND COUNTRY PEOPLE!!! LEND ME YOUR EARS!" This seemed to get everyone’s attention even though these words were over used, the mass crowd turned toward the Sun Dial.
“Now that I have your attention I am Elnor the Great, I come here today from Thermopylae to ask you to help me in defeating the Spartans. We have all stood by as they destroy our villages, rape our women and kill our children. Its only time before they reach your town. In 23 days Leonidas is heading to defeat Thermopylae, after that he will head north to here. Do you want your women raped and your children slaughtered?" There was an angry roar from the crowd gathered. "I thought not, that is why I seek your help in defeating them. Whilst Leonidas is preparing to head north, we shall head south gathering more and more people from villages leading to Sparta, and when we get to the Achaia plains we shall intercept the Spartans and slaughter the bastards for what they are worth!" Another huge roar went up. "I will be staying at the local bakery for the rest of the day, all those wishing to join my army should come today, because by tonight we will be preparing to leave for Theymopylae to join up with the rest of my army, from there we shall head south to Delphi, then on to Coronea, Tonight we are preparing the new beginning of Greece! Sparta can go to hell!" Another huge roar erupted. He climbed down from the town Sun Dial and headed to the bakery. Gregorian followed. "Well sir I certainly think you’ve got most of their attention. I only wish I could help fight with you, but I will have to stay here. I am too old and the village still needs fresh bread." That quite alright Gregorian, do not worry. All I ask of you is that you keep spreading the word to help defeat Sparta.
By mid evening Elnor had accepted over 2,000 people willing to fight. But only around 700 of those knew how to use a sword properly. So many people had to be turned away, for either being to old or too young to fight. The only thing he could do with the rest is to have battle training every night at camp on the way to Sparta, to make sure they were ready and knew what to expect. Elnor asked the baker, Gregorian if he could spare food for the troops tonight as they travelled to Thermopylae. Of course he obliged, he even gave plenty of Lentrian red wine, some of the finest wine in Greece. They set off to Thermopylae late that evening, the weather had turned, it was now hammering down viciously with rain and the wind was howling like the savage beasts from hell. A lot of the new troops weren’t used to travelling in these conditions, especially the younger men. Elnor had to respect them for they were willing to lay down their life in the name of their families. On his way back home, Elnor befriended a young farm boy named Perdicus. He was telling Elnor about life on the farm. How hard it was in recent times to grow a decent crop. Especially with the rain washing the seeds away. With a bit of luck the weather would break soon. The upcoming battle would be a lot better in fair conditions. The journey was quite treacherous. The weather was awful; walking through fields and forests that were totally water logged wasn’t very nice. The wind was so strong that the birch trees were bending so far; they appeared as if they would snap from the sheer force of it. In 6 hours they would reach Thermopylae. As they approached the last hill climb some of the new soldiers started to slip on the wet and muddy surface. Two young soldiers actually toppled backwards knocking a few more down on the way. “Come on soldiers!” Elnor bellowed. “Its not far to go, don’t give in to nature” “But sir” Perdicus shouted. “This weather is killing us all, cant we at least stop for five minutes?” Elnor took these words and responded with; “Well if that’s how you feel, you can just turn back and go home. When we are fighting against Sparta they will not stop killing you because you feel tired. Now get a grip and let’s get moving!” This hampered Perdicus, he felt shallow for thinking this. Elnor was right, the Spartans were fearless opponents. They did not care for being tired; all they cared for was killing the opposition.
Leonidas was sitting at the dining table, Ragnok was there and so was the newly acquired Themopylaen spy; Ferraris Augustus. “So Ferraris, I hear that you are a baker is that not true?” Ferraris wasn’t sure if he could speak but very carefully responded with; “Yes that is tr...” Leonidas cut him off with, “Well that’s excellent. You should have no problem with poisoning the supplies Elnor is sure to ask from you right?” This was such an easy task, yet such a traitorous thing to do against the people of Thermopylae. Most of the people were part of the army Elnor was taking to Achaia. Ferraris thought for a while before answering. “Well my lord this should be such an easy task. Do not worry; the army of Elnor will mostly die of food poisoning” Leonidas seemed pleased with this answer and dismissed those sat at the table. Except Ragnok. “Listen Ragnok, I need you to follow Ferraris. I fear he will double cross us, he seems like he is very faithful to Thermopylae, I don’t believe he could poison a vast majority of the people who live there. “As you wish my lord, I shall follow him as he goes back home tonight”. Ferraris left Sparta on horseback. Ragnok was following him at a pace of 1 mile behind him.
Elnor and his army of 2000 were fast approaching Thermopylae, when a tree struck by lightning fell and blocked their path. “Quickly men, move that tree before lightening strikes it for a second time” Perdicus and another soldier; Benedictus quickly moved the felled tree from the path seconds before lightening struck the same spot. “That was very close my fellow men, that could have really hurt you, ha-ha!” ‘At least you are in high spirits my liege’ Benedictus sniped. “How long are we staying in Thermopylae for?” We’ll be staying the night young warrior, then at daybreak we leave for Delphi to recruit more for the greater good” Elnor and the troops reached the town by late evening. He addressed the army in front of him. “Fellow soldiers, follow me to the army Cadmea. This is where you will be staying for the night, amongst my other soldiers. There will be plenty of food and wine for you to enjoy. Perdicus and Benedictus were the first of the soldiers to enter the Cadmea. “Zeus almighty! This is like heaven compared to the last 25 mile trek across the rugged terrain Perdicus. Just look at the beds!” The beds were made from oak, with a mattress made of animal skin, stuffed with duck feathers. “Come Benedictus, let’s eat. I’m quite looking forward to eating, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten properly for 2 days. All our crops back home have been destroyed.” Benedictus and Perdicus entered the great mess hall; in the mess hall were over 6,000 people, all eating. They managed to find a table. On the table was a lavish feast of suckling pig, beef, potatoes, vegetables, bread, and lots of fine wine. Unfortunately it wasn’t Lentrian wine. Obviously Elnor wasn’t going to spare the finest wine for the soldiers. But none the less it was wine they could get drunk on. “So I said to Barus, I said; I told you once, I’ll tell you again... Stop having illicit sex with animals!!” One of the other soldiers turned to Perdicus and said; “Looks like your friend has had too much to drink. Maybe you should help him to bed” Perdicus agreed that he did like his wine. He helped Benedictus to the sleeping quarters. Two seconds after walking through the door he passed out. Great thought Perdicus, now he has to carry him to bed... Elnor was in his main house, making final preparations for tomorrow. Hopefully the baker Ferraris will be back by then. According to his house keeper he travelled to Corinth early yesterday morning to fetch a fresh batch of ingredients. Elnor decided it was best to get some sleep. His dreams were infested with strange visions. Then the old hag from Trachis appeared before him again “Listen to me Elnor, do not worry I am real, I am not just a vision. I am Helena of Mount Olympus. We seers have moved to a small cave on the top of the mountain. At this great altitude we can extend our powers and use them to time travel, and also to leave our bodies and take on our spirit form. I have come to you tonight to warn you against going to war with Sparta. You will not succeed. Please heed my warning.” With this she disappeared. Elnor was worried, was this hag really telling the truth or was it just some mage trick? Had Leonidas sent this witch to warn him off? But then again was she trying to save his life? Many warriors had claimed they saw a seer, who told them they would die if they proceeded in battle. He cast aside this thought, maybe those warriors died because they believed they would? There were rumours of the Order of Seven. A group of very talented seers and magicians who used their power for evil, giving aspiring warriors hopes of defeat. So when they did go to battle they would assume they would never win anyway.
“Come here Ragnok.”
“Yes lord?”
How are Helena’s attempts at tricking that fool Elnor? More importantly will he believe he has no hope of defeating me?
“I am glad you have come to your senses and decided to use that old hag; she tells me he is worried. But she does not think that he believes her yet. He is a strong minded individual, eventually she believes he will succumb to her powers.”
I bloody well hope so Ragnok. If he believes he will die in battle, it makes it a hell of a lot easier for me. I realise I have more soldiers, and I was wrong to say he will never succeed. I am reminded of myself when I look at him. Very strong minded, and the fact he doesn’t give in. At least with me, I am very gifted in strategies, a gift which he lacks.
Chapter 3 – Fat Plums from Olympia
Nothing could be further from the truth; Elnor was pretty useful at planning strategies. Unbeknownst to Leonidas he already had a strategy, to destroy Sparta right on their doorstep when they least expected it. Elnor awoke early next morning. At last the storm was over, the heat outside was sweltering. It was so hot and stuffy in his room. He got out of bed and very slowly got dressed. Even a warrior could feel lazy first thing in the morning. As he went down to the main chamber he could hear young children playing in the street. He thought of his own daughter, Bellatrix; who passed away from a cancerous disease. The doctors didn’t have any idea how to cure it. They tried so many times at blood letting, nothing could save her. That was 5 years ago. Outside he decided to take an early morning run to wake himself up. He ran the entire outskirts of the town. Past the local traders, the smell of fresh fish and various foods filled the air. He stopped at a wine seller. His trade stall was very small, and very rickety. “Hello sir, I am Elnor. I haven’t seen you around here before” The tradesman was a portly man, very short, fat and balding wearing a purple tunic. If his head wasn’t attached Elnor would have mistaken him for a plum. “I am Oleo, from Olympia. I arrived here last night, in Olympia we have heard rumours about you and you’re plans to over throw Sparta. You would be a fool to attempt such a feat.” Elnor ignored this. “Listen old man, I do not care what you think. Besides...” He paused here, he was almost about to say that they were planning on a surprise attack, but what if the bald fat plum was a Spartan spy? “Besides what you idiot?” asked Oleo. “Never mind old man, as if what I am doing is any of your business. I was going to buy some Lentrian red from you, but no I don’t think I will. Besides you look like you’ve drank most of the stock yourself.” He carried on running, and then headed back to his house to get dressed for the journey ahead.
Once back at the house, he put on the rest of his armour and strapped on his broad sword, but not before he had a quick wash to remove the sweat from his body. His house keeper Rowena was preparing breakfast for him. “Ah what’s for breakfast?” Well sir, its fresh eggs from the hens and toasted bread, cooked on the open fire. “Sounds delicious can’t wait to tuck in” After his breakfast he headed to the Cadmea to address the troops. Perdicus was the first soldier to greet Elnor on the way. “Morning Elnor, looks like the weather is on our side today” It sure does. Elnor replied. “Is the troops ready?” I’m not sure if they are all ready sir, but most of them are. “Well that’s going to have to change, as soon as the new day begins I expect them to be ready” Well sir, I was up pretty early today, I enjoy running early in the morning, helps me keep fit, and builds my adrenaline too. “That’s something we both share in common Perdicus, I too love running in the mornings.” They both walked together to the Cadmea. “Say Perdicus, how would you like to be one of my generals? I need someone who takes their health seriously; you seem able to take control of a situation. I heard about the incident with Benedictus getting drunk last night and how you handled it”. Well thank you sir, I greatly appreciate this offer, I will not let you down. You can rest assured I will do a great job. They had reached the entrance to the Cadmea. “I want you to stand by my side as we enter, its time to introduce the troops to their new general.”
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|| Replies ||
| User | fan | 2007-10-24 | | | Subject | agree | | Message | yes, this is rather long. It would take me an hour to break this down and look through it. Most of the sites I go on have a chapter per post policy. You should do that. |
| User | GoKart Mozart | 2007-10-23 | | | Subject | suggestion | | Message | it’s too long and wide.
if you want people to want to read it, break it up more attractively.
for instance, start a new line when someone speaks...or something like that.
but big chunks of words and sentences do not draw the eye. |
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