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Journal: Crashing Opera -------------------------------------------Mood: Violent.Have I not done enough for respect?
Or am I inspiration for hatred?
Here I hold the glass so you can reflect,
Upon the emotions not catered.
A handful of "Lies" that you inspect
With eyes that have seen the truth and suffered.
To gain trust and only regret.
But you've exclaimed your "Truth" to all who don't care.
And the mask you wear breaks under pressure,
Bearing down on the hatred you wear.
The Legend you create opens a fissure,
And you fall in showing your own despair.
Descended forth to an end so fitting,
With a bleeding heart that is ripping....Created 2009-11-16 16:35:20 |
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Journal: And still, I am -------------------------------------------Mood: Violent.God. I hate saying goodbye so much to so many people. I hate people....Created 2009-11-07 17:12:41 |
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Journal: Animosity -------------------------------------------Mood: ViolentIt kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
But the day pressed on like crushing weights
For no man does it ever wait
Like memories of dying days
That deafen us like hurricanes
Bathed in flames we held the brand
Uncurled the fingers in your hand
Pressed into the flesh like sand
Now do you understand?
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
1000 miles away
There's nothing left to say
But so much left that I don't know
We never had a choice
This world is too much noise
It takes me under
It takes me under once again
I don't hate you
I don't hate you
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no
____________________________________
I have began to understand my family. I understand their minds much better now. I've seen that I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm murderous. And the process is nearly complete. I just need to practise the ritual. Father has given up and subliminally teaches. Mother is the insane. And Matty. He's the suicidal one and hasn't even realised it yet. Kirstin and Logan are lucky. they're too young to know... yet.
A change was made today.
The reasons were lost along the crooked way
Saviors.
I don't need them....Created 2009-10-11 02:27:10 |
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Journal: Saviour? -------------------------------------------Mood: Dying.It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
But the day pressed on like crushing weights
For no man does it ever wait
Like memories of dying days
That deafen us like hurricanes
Bathed in flames we held the brand
Uncurled the fingers in your hand
Pressed into the flesh like sand
Now do you understand?
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
1000 miles away
There's nothing left to say
But so much left that I don't know
We never had a choice
This world is too much noise
It takes me under
It takes me under once again
I don't hate you
I don't hate you
So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have
I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no
____________________________
I seem to find out how to create the most beautiful predicaments for myself. Feelings seem to have become a virus within me. And, A virus I can't rid myself of. Thoughts cloud my mind. Plague me constantly. While I find myself losing the grip on sanity that I once thought I had. Visions of supposed savior meeting his end, crying at the feet of his love, and voices that urge you to speak back. Ha. Something I'm facing recently and don't know why.
Saviors. Everyone has one.
Where's mine?...Created 2009-10-03 02:08:08 |
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Journal: Hm. -------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI'll change this when I get home. Today is a very... weighted day....Created 2009-10-02 08:30:04 |
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Journal: ... -------------------------------------------Mood: Broken.Since when the fuck did I deserve all of this shit? A bunch of fucking drama with different people, getting to watch my best friend fuck things up, a lot of pain in my chest, my abdomin, ribs, shoulders, and I can hardly breathe. And on top of that, I'm apparently some, ignorant little punk to my parents because I don't know what's wrong, they're pissed, and when I try to help, and when I'm being mature for once, I'm a child. Now, I need a cigarette, I need a drink, and I need to cry. But, I'm in the middle of a fire, on a secular island, in the Atlantic Ocean. With no one around, and no shoulder to cry on. So I stand in the middle, standing tall, cursing God, and everyone around. Why Can't I have someone for once? Instead of being a nobody in a face of everybodies?...Created 2009-09-29 22:20:19 |
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Journal: Remenisce -------------------------------------------Mood: Eh. Tired. Hungry.Its not the most fun thing. I went through my inbox. Its amazing how things can really change. Eh. I'm bored as hell, almost at 2:30 in the morning. Talking to a friend of mine helps. So.. Yeah. I lurk but very rarely. But, I'm never on in a sense. So... yeah. ...Created 2009-08-29 04:32:21 |
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Journal: Solemnity -------------------------------------------Mood: Broken, Thoughtful, and Humbled.Well. Karma is a fucking whore. And I understand that I hath loosened my tongue in my past journals... But. I suppose its deserved of me. Yeah, I'm not the greatest of people. And everyone.... Well, the people that matter... Tell me that I'm a good person. Despite my past. And, leaving this place, may not be the best of things... Maybe. But, I know I'm taking a long vacation from this place. Its damn sure time for one. But... I've been going through some hell. Found out that my grandfather, on my dad's side of the family has hell... Just hours to live now. Found out tonight. Kinda sucked, because I cried. Now, I'm not looking for sympathy. But... Understanding I suppose. I'm going to make mistakes, vital ones that will change me... But its needed I suppose. So here I am, bordering on the decision of leaving completely, and shutting ES down on my computer, or just taking an indefinite leave. While containing my mess of a life right now. Any help and thoughts will help. Thanks for putting up with my shit, everyone. ...Created 2009-08-18 00:43:36 |
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Journal: Leaving a fire -------------------------------------------Mood: DistastefulOh no! I've been found out.
Heh. Like I give a fuck.
Because in all honesty... I've grown to hate this place with the most intense passion. I've grown to hate damn near everybody on the god damned site. So I'm quitting. My initial plan was to have myself "die". Well turns out I have a dumbass fucking brother who can't play along. Thanks Freshman. Because I just wanted to disappear from everyone instead of the usual drawn out drama bullshit that always ensues of "No don't leave you should stay. What reason is there to leave?" Well, here's my reasoning. As far as Ryan goes, he is real. And I had him play it off for me while I'm playing guitar, or doing schoolwork. Now, I know that a lot of people are going to be like "I'm mad at you." or "Just that was fucked up" or "But I cared why would you do that?" In all honesty, I've not cared for too many people on this site. I could count on my fingers more than likely who.
Emily
Colin
Al
Matt (JutterBUG)
Rose
Kodie
Tom
Amanda
Six people. In the end I just really ended up hating everyone, and I know that I'm being repetitive and there are people I didn't put on that list, that are on ES because I don't talk to them on ES, I can hang out with them in real life. But, to be even more honest, my hatred with this place began when a seven year old on ES died.
If you have something to say to me, I don't really care. Just leave me alone and fuck off. My life outside of this site is way more important and I don't need ES as a distraction.
Adieu, auf wiedersehn, goodbye, and fuck you all....Created 2009-08-15 10:44:01 |
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Journal: Separation -------------------------------------------Mood: Leaving a fireOh no! I've been found out.
Heh. Like I give a fuck.
Because in all honesty... I've grown to hate this place with the most intense passion. I've grown to hate damn near everybody on the god damned site. So I'm quitting. My initial plan was to have myself "die". Well turns out I have a dumbass fucking brother who can't play along. Thanks Freshman. Because I just wanted to disappear from everyone instead of the usual drawn out drama bullshit that always ensues of "No don't leave you should stay. What reason is there to leave?" Well, here's my reasoning. As far as Ryan goes, he is real. And I had him play it off for me while I'm playing guitar, or doing schoolwork. Now, I know that a lot of people are going to be like "I'm mad at you." or "Just that was fucked up" or "But I cared why would you do that?" In all honesty, I've not cared for too many people on this site. I could count on my fingers more than likely who.
Emily
Colin
Al
Matt (JutterBUG)
Rose
Kodie
Tom
Six people. In the end I just really ended up hating everyone, and I know that I'm being repetitive and there are people I didn't put on that list, that are on ES because I don't talk to them on ES, I can hang out with them in real life. But, to be even more honest, my hatred with this place began when a seven year old on ES died.
If you have something to say to me, I don't really care. Just leave me alone and fuck off. My life outside of this site is way more important and I don't need ES as a distraction.
Adieu, auf wiedersehn, goodbye, and fuck you all....Created 2009-08-15 10:42:49 |
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