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    dotsJournal: Another Round.dots
    Mood: Weird

    Wow, I haven't been here in two years. I am back by a mere coincidence.
    I shouldn't be here. I should flee. But I am intrigued.
    So much has changed, and yet nothing has changed at all.

    ...Created 2011-12-27 02:33:59

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Feeling the Lies

    Suuu....I just need to get this off my chest. I mean, I know no one really is going to read it, but here goes anyways.

    I'm been feeling pretty down and out lately and I really hate it. This is largely due to my sexuality. With my 18th birthday not that far away, you think it would make me more patient, but it hasn't. Just makes me more anxious for its arrival.
    Today, I was just kinda hanging out in my dads shop. It was a beautiful day and my dad was working on car stuff. Before I went out of the shop I stopped and felt my stomach knot up. I had a strong desire to just stand there in the sun and say softly, "Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm gay." Then, I kinda daydreamed him being somewhat okay with it, then it flashed to a more likely reality of me sobbing and him crying too.
    Yeah, I've seen him cry once. Over me. For that very reason. But I feeli like my parents think I'm just cured now. Agh. I don't know why I wanted to tell him so badly then. I've just been really struggling with it lately...and I love my dad so much. I don't want to keep stuff from it.
    So there. I've said it, to no one really, and I still feel pretty crappy, but it feels nice in a way to type this all quickly out. Makes me feel at least a tad less lonely.
    I mean there are people in my small, Christian school that say their bi and whatnot, which I have doubts about it being true and stuffs, there's only one I know to be a legit lesbian, but I don't really know her...
    And then there's my good friend who seems to have stolen the hearts of all, females and males alike..
    I wish she wasn't grounded all the time. I could totally tell her everything and stuff. Sometimes. In favourable conditions.
    Okay, now I'm totally rambling and there is probably a lot of typing errors...but eh...

    ...Created 2010-11-11 23:55:03

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Worried

    Needed that old entry gone...

    But speaking of which...

    Dad asked about you last night. Randomly. Out of the blue. Insinuatingly.

    Yikes, it's a bit unnerving. 18th birthday you really need to get here before I'm screwed.

    ...Created 2010-10-29 10:34:43

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    I feel so shitty right now.

    I'm sorry Debbie, for leaving it like that. That was the worst "I'm not taking lessons anymore" phone call ever. I couldn't help it, I was on the verge of tears.

    And to you, you know who you are, I know you're angry with me, and I've hurt you, but it's for the best you know. It really is. You don't know me. And yet, you are the core reason I've left.

    I feel so deafeated.

    ...Created 2010-08-23 14:24:00

    dotsJournal: In other words.dots
    Mood: Headache remains

    Just a little something or other I was too lazy and to uninterested to finish. Yet its finish isn’t so bad.

    The day was Wednesday, sometime in the end of July, when the heat and the mugginess make the air thick and unpleasant.
    The girl was of average height, but she added to with boots that went a little above her ankles and gave her a few more inches in height. She was over the average weight however, and her bold shirt showed as much. You could see bra straps everywhere, as it was only covered in the front by a red excuse for a shirt, which tried to pretend it was a shirt by the little strips of cloth which hung from it over her middle. To make matters worse the bra was black and the shirt red. Beyond that a black skirt clung tightly to her, and her legs were covered by fish net stocking. Her dark greasy hair was pulled back in a ponytail.
    In other words she was basically white trash.

    ...Created 2010-08-10 11:20:04

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Just getting tired of seeing my angry rant xp

    ...Created 2010-07-27 08:27:51

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: HATE

    I Hate my mother.

    She is a lazy, self-centered, self-righteous Bitch.

    Alright, I can take her blowing up on me for stupid shit.

    But I CANNOT handle her telling my little sister to just stay home so she doesn't have to see her grouchy face!
    When they are about to leave for the lake no less.
    When the said kid didn't do anything!


    And she wonders why we don't talk to her or like her church.

    ...Created 2010-07-18 10:01:58

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    My stomach is all in knots.

    Twisting, twisted, insides.

    I tell myself it's okay.
    I'm just tired is all.

    Yeah, right.

    ...Created 2010-07-06 00:51:59

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    So I know I'm a day late...but work can take the blame for that, so it's okay.

    My dad means the world to me. He is a great guy and works hard so that we can have a better life.
    I love him best. Hell, I can hardly stand my mom.
    But one day, I can't help but wonder if...he won't want me anymore. Won't want to call me his daughter and hug me and tell me he loves me.
    Being me is tearing me apart. It's tearing us apart.
    So I am sorry that it has to be this way...but it is unavoidable.
    I can hope that at the very least, you will be dissapointed in me, but still love me.
    I love you dad.

    To the other: "Pops"

    You're great, and I wish, for once, that you won't just swat away the compliments "like flies". I want you to see how bad ass you are!
    I really shouldn't say all this... we both know your head is big enough as it is, haha.
    But it is true. You really listen to what others say...what I say. And that really means alot, when others don't.
    Then you give good advice, you make me laugh and smile when I don't feel like it, and you let me be someone important to you.
    I'm glad your you, and I'm glad your my papa.
    I'm glad to be your "daughta".


    ...Created 2010-06-21 10:36:38

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Our souls touched,
    And so they met and mingled,
    And smiled upon each other,
    Even under the watchful eye of Darkness.

    ...Created 2010-06-18 14:06:52

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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