-------------------------------------------Mood: depressed...My friend's cat, Crooked had kittens back in June. There was Bandit, Brindle, Wayna, Hawk, Rabbit, and Spider. One day, Bandit, Brindle, and Wayna disappeared. We don't know whether they died or went to her neighbor's property.
My friend and I were really attached to Spider (she was white with black markings and had blue eyes), and I alone was pretty attached to Hawk and Rabbit (they were two brown tabby males with blue eyes, only Rabbit had white paws).
Well when we went to the zoo on 7-17-14, Spider had climbed up in my friend's dad's truck. He scared her when he started the truck and she jumped in front of the vehicle. Her head was crushed... And we had no idea of her passing...
The next day, it rained a lot. Rabbit and Hawk got in the inside of the truck behind the fan by the radiator. My friend's dad started the truck... the truck wasn't the only thing that died... and we were sound asleep when it happened.
We didn't hear about any of them dying until her dad got home from work that afternoon. I managed not to cry that day.
But once I got home and went through my camera, I fell across a picture of Spider's cute face, and then another of all three of them feeding. I burst out sobbing and weeping. It went on and off for about an hour. Writing this right now makes me want to cry.
So I'm grieving. And I miss those babies dearly. But I see their liveliness and spunk inside their two younger cousins, Night and Bat. And everytime I think of them, my wounded heart closes a little.
As always, howls.
~Amaruq ...Created 2014-07-25 02:06:25
|Journal: Spirit Animals|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Too much at once...In addition to being a Therianthrope, I have animal spirit guides. I only have two but I have no way of knowing if I have more or not.
My first, oldest, and most loved of the two is Weylyn. He is a light gray, brown, and black Makenzie Valley wolf with golden-yellow eyes. I found Weylyn when I was in 6th grade around May 8. Since I do not have much of a bond with my biological father, I accept him as an adopted father. He comforts me, guides me, and makes sure I take trust in the right people. He is both a teacher and a parent to me. I love Weylyn with all my heart. When I first found him, I visited him everyday it was friendship (and love, but not in that kind of way) at first sight. He actually helped me discover I was a wolf Therian by dropping hints. Once, he called me "human-girl" and I got angry and said, "I'm not human, I'm wolf." And he simply chuckled and said, "I thought you'd say that."
But recently I have been getting hints that I had another Animal trying to teach me. So last night I meditated and found Weylyn. He told me he had someone he'd like me to meet. Then a female cougar stalked out of the grass. I didn't immediately bond with her like I did Weylyn, maybe because cougars are natural enemies of wolves. I think she sensed I wasn't comfortable around her and asked me if I liked her. I told her, "I want to, I really do. But I don't know if I can." I think I really hurt her feelings. So to make up for it I'm trying to find her a cool name with meaning. Her appearance was just really sudden and kinda caught me off guard. I hope I can bond with her in the future though! I tell everyone when I find a name. Howls!
~Amaruq...Created 2014-06-28 16:39:49
|Journal: Fav meditation|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Missing AlaskaSo in this meditation I was in Alaska (my natural habitat). You would not believe how beautiful it is in the wild coast. It was 10:30 p.m. but the sky was still bright and blue. The tundra was a green-brown-yellow-tanny color and white flowers freckled the ground the Summer herds of caribou were feeding on the fresh grass. I decided to go hunting and stalked the caribou from behind. When they sensed me they stampeded and abled me to pick out the weak and young. Between the blurred brown legs I saw a calf. I flanked the caribou. I couldn't get my chosen prey without the risk of being trampled. But I was hungry.
I dove in, getting kicked and squished. I was terrified yet I was fearless. The calf saw me and tried to stay close to it's mother. I caught a spindly leg in my muzzle and tugged. It stumbled but regained its feet and veered to the right. I leaped and clung to its neck. Somehow I dragged it away from the herd and killed it. Caribou slid down my throat and I ate the delicious meat. Sounds gross maybe but wolves don't nessisarily have table manners do they?
Blood stained my white fur and it was sticky but drying. Full, I curled up in a natural hole in the ground and slumbered happily.
That was my favorite meditation. It was beautiful, terrifying, and satisfying. Some people say their partners give them satisfaction, some say their life. But meditation gives me satisfaction, it gives me happiness and love. I live a separate life that cannot be seen and no one can take it from me.
~Amaruq...Created 2014-06-26 11:56:17
|Journal: Good News!!|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Guess what!?Wayra DOES love me!
I am so freaking happy I can't explain it!! I bet Jaycee thinking: God, I hate that girl SOOO much! 'Cause you know what? Those stupid freaking texts were forged. Yep, FORGED. She went to some website, typed them up, and downloaded them to her phone. That witch... *growls loudly*
So today I gave my Wayra a huge hug and said, "I'm so happy I didn't lose you." It was really a sweet moment....Created 2014-02-13 17:28:09
|Journal: My Wayra...|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Confused, overwhelmed, and kinda hopefulWayra is my mate/boyfriend. He isn't perfect, he isn't the best but he's improving... I suppose...
Last week I heard that Wayra wanted to dump me for a cowardly, lying girl named Jaycee. She showed me a text from her and "Wayra's" conversation (you'll see why I put quotation marks in a sec). It went:
Jaycee: I love you.
Wayra: I love you too.
Jaycee: As a friend, right?
Jaycee: As a sister?
Wayra: Still no.
Jaycee: As in like a girlfriend kind of love?
Jaycee: But what about Amaruq, don't you still love her?
Jaycee: Than why are y'all still dating?
Wayra: I dunno...
I was pretty pissed off, not to mention heart broken and miserable. I moped for a whole 5 days and thought about it all. I liked Wayra more than any other guy EVER! Did I mention that Jaycee is Wayra's jealous exgirlfriend?
Then, my other friend and one of Wayra's best friends, Wattan said he asked him about it and he said that Wayra said it was bull and he really didn't send them. It occured to me then that I never saw the name of the other text messager. "Wayra" could have been one of Jaycee's little valley girl friends playing a trick to get her ex back.
Wattan is going to find out if Wayra still loves me or not. If he does, I will apoligize to him for doubting his loyalty. If he doesn't... Than I am going to break up if him. I just will simply stop caring.
But I don't know what to do!! I love him, I really do! I'm just so overwhelmed...
Howling my troubles to the stars,
~Amaruq...Created 2014-02-10 19:17:52
|Journal: Stillborn Souls|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...I was prowling on Wulf Howl the other day (I don't have an account so I just read their forums) and found this really interesting thread. The person posting it stated that, what if animal souls came from stillborn animals? I consider this plausible!
I know some people believe they are reincarnated animals, and that's their belief! I'm not judging them. But personally I believe that my wolfan soul came into my body in the womb. Maybe my human soul I was developing with was too weak to resist the already born wolf pup soul. I can see this happening...
A white Alaskan tundra wolf pup is born dead so it's soul, needing a new, living body, travels away from its birth body and into a human baby. Since the wolf soul has been developing in the wolf, it is strong enough to consume the human soul-or at least push it out- and rest peacefully in the human infant. The human grows up and feels unhuman hence being Awakened.
I think that's what happened anyway. Some faults I find in this theory are, why would that little baby soul travel ALL the way from Alaska to Oklahoma? I've no idea. But I do have some belief in higher powers so, say what you want, possibly it was just destiny.
...Created 2014-02-08 10:45:14
|Journal: Wolf Form|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Tired...My wolf name, as my username states, is Amaruq! It is the Inuit word for wolf. I chose this as my animal name because my particular subspecies is the Alaskan tundra wolf.
The Alaskan tundra wolf is a relatively large subspecies that dwells on the tundras of the Alaskan wilderness.
I am a white wolf with a smudge of black above my nose. I have dark blue eyes, black claws, and a black nose. I am the Alpha of my pack too. I would guesstimate that I am about 1 year old in the wolfan world, and probably 60-70 lbs. You may think I'm small, but keep in mind I am still growing! I'll probably stop growing once my wolf side hits the 2 year mark. And that's in... about 6 human years. Confuse you?
And if you are thinking "oh great, another crazy werewolf chick," I'm sorry, but you are greatly mistaken! I identify myself as a therianthrope, not a werewolf. I believe werewolves to be anthropomorphic wolves. I hate being called a were, furry, or skinwalker, as I am none.
And I can NOT physically shapeshift. I shift through my mind, my dreams, and have frequent phantom shifts.
Well, thanks for reading my long list of rambling! If you have any questions, please PM me! Howls!
~Amaruq...Created 2014-02-06 21:45:37
-------------------------------------------Mood: NoobyHello fellow writers! My name is Amaruq. I wish for my age to remain unknown for privacy reasons, sorry! I will state now, I am a proud gray wolf therian. An Alaskan tundra wolf to be exact. Please, no haters. If you have any rude or unpleasant comments please keep them to yourself. My wolf form will be stated in another journal entry.
I hope to find some friends and possibly more therians/otherkin like myself. Feel free to PM me anytime! Howls!
~Amaruq...Created 2014-02-06 21:30:03
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