 Journal: 
-------------------------------------------Mood: Frustratedi dont mind broken memories of who you were in my mind... its what youve become in my dream that drives me mad. i wish i could touch you one more time if only to take your life. why do you do this to me, hiding behind your mask of innocence built from my tears? i find a meandering in my meaning but the message is the same, I HATE ME FOR LOVING YOU, emblazoned on my mind. when i lay me down to sleep i pray only for nights of darkness, and no more of candles... for one more's light shall forever blind me. i bear your scars, i wish you bore my burden... destroyer, bear thyself. none so qualified to define tragedy... catastrophic waves of anguish wash on the shores herein forevermore - eroding whats left. whats left? part of who i was, none of who i am. nights of rememberance wont kill regret anymore than painting over dirt, drinking over hurt... i gave up on goodbyes when i said goodbye, for farewells dont fare well when coupled with passion. when does heartbreak end? when does it begin? at hello, or goodbye? when there's no beginning, how can i ever hope for an end, or means hitherto? soliloquy is lost on forever's embrace, for theres no familiarity with longing though it lasts eons. time heals all wounds, but fall turns to winter and my aspirations wither and fall as so many leaves from boughs. why couldnt i stay in shadows, hiding behind my corpse? if all i was was time wasted, then why all the lowercases and capitals? if all we were couldnt fill a shot glass, then why have i tilted so many? when all i wanted was to have and to hold, why are we now for worse and not better? a band of gold studded with diamonds, none as radiant as the colors i saw in your eyes... for naught. for not a moment it spent on your hand til news of your deceit pierced through my all. after squeezing every last bit of blood from my turnip heart, you drank not a drop. after hearing of your cold heart i lit myself afire, but fire in the smoke may much resemble frost. why lambest he whose heart forever drowns in regret. two long years spent counting days from death to death of joy... and close to death myself. i thought you saved me... but... im not even alive. SET ME FREE my heart screams towards dreams of you... free? forgotten participle, passed past when love became " ". this is the part where we both go our seperate ways... stop making me follow you. tugging on heartstrings lending themselves better for a leash or a noose hasnt torn your calloused hands... but my blood runs anew from hands and knees each time i crawl back to a lost image of WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN. and even in BEING found anew, i cant help but picture it as my way of getting back at you. no glorious revelations of how we'll never be just jest and conjecture. in spite of all you said, ill merely... say... as i throw off the ties that bind... for richer or for poorer... i wont miss you when i say goodbye... one last time. for if a coal falls from a fireplace does the fire burn less bright? and would a rose without a petal look so awkward? if one note is missing from a melody... does the piece change? and if two chemicals mix... are they not still the same.... or are they irrevocably changed? so, as i pass, a ghost across your shadow, ill wander til i find your gaze no more, only to wonder from whence your gaze came. as the shadows come to arms, hunting me ever as if plague, ill no longer seek solace in your darkness. for one cannot protect that which they know not. who is worthy to question the way things are? to challenge fate's hand, be as it may? to contest a decision that wasnt even made, but BORN? youll not find who you are, or who i was... both are lost. both defeated by an angels hand, belonging to yourself. but my image of you is illusion, is allusion... i refer to what i made you to be, and im laying her to rest...
in the land of all, there is a well... and it is empty. this is the story of all's well....Created 2010-08-31 06:02:09 |
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