|Journal: I'm outta here!|
It's been fun, but I must scream now!
I'm on KingPoets.com with the alias LucidDreams.
I'll be checking messages on occasion and responding to those who still leave me love notes...
...Created 2007-04-08 01:12:30
|Journal: Chez Chell|
-------------------------------------------Mood: I have singed fingers....Dear Diary,
I have had a fantastic week! I think I’m getting the hang of using recipes:
MONDAY: Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: My honey wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. It was such a surprise when Steve brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Steve asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients and lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. My baby is still asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: My sweetheart did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason he kept counting to ten. (My husband, not the chicken.)
SUNDAY: My folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve a roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on my family. If I can talk Steve into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Good Night Dear Diary,
...Created 2006-09-17 02:10:41
-------------------------------------------Mood: Can you swim???In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard....but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord,but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
...Created 2006-07-11 05:45:06
-------------------------------------------Mood: Pulling out my hair...This was orginially going to be a post, but I'm not sure what category to list it under...any ideas?
"The Hardest Question"
“Mommy, do little boys and girls die in war?”
“Why can’t I give my internet friend our address?”
“How old do I have to be to have sex?”
“If our neighbors, ya know, Katie and Shannon, love each other so much, why can’t they get married?
“What makes people rape or kill?
“Why are so many animals almost extinct?”
“Why do some parents beat up their kids?”
“If cigarettes kill lots of people every day, why are they legal?
“Why can’t boys cry or hug their friends?”
“Why are people scared of each other?”
“Is it ok to beat up on someone? What if they hit you first?”
“Why do kids get cancer?”
“Global warming can’t hurt us, can it?”
...Created 2006-07-07 20:03:24
|Journal: F*cking Hard!|
-------------------------------------------Mood: What was I thinking?Wewak11 has created a new form of poetry called a DICROSTIC.
He says it's bloody hard, I say it is as hard as Christ getting a fair trial. Here's my pitiful attempt to cover both those topics.
n d e r
arma has pulled me through
f I could share my reasoning
o one could ever fault my decision
iving up me, myself, and I
ope to bring mankind back
m I tragic
...Created 2006-06-29 04:05:46
-------------------------------------------Mood: Feeling Feisty!
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave the children lifesavers and asked them state the color and what they tasted like.
The children began to say:
Finally the professor gave them all cream-colored honey lifesavers. After sucking on them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue, It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled.
...Created 2006-06-08 19:28:39
|Journal: Dog On It!|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Who Let The Dogs Out?Little Emily walks into the kitchen where her mom is making lunch and inquires, "Mom, can I take our dog for a walk around the block?"
Emily's Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
Confused, Emily asks, "What does that mean?"
"Go ask your father." Her mom says. "I think he's in the garage."
So Emily goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she says the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Emily's Dad replies, "Bring Belle over here."
He takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog's backside with it. Then he hands Emily the leash and says, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
Emily leaves and returns about ten minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asks, "Where's Belle?"
Emily, with that innocent look every five year old has mastered, looks at her dad and says, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."...Created 2006-05-16 16:40:16
-------------------------------------------Mood: Three Hundred Sixty-Five Days!
A year ago today I was signed up for Elite Skills by my loving husband, Lost Sheep.
He had decided it would be a good thing for me.
I wasn’t so sure.
I was hesitant about posting my poetry as I was positive that my rambling were only important to me and those that have to put up with them because they live around me.
I was positive that I’d post my first piece, and no one would comment.
I was sure I’d post a second piece, and no one would comment.
And I was sure that I would have a super black sheep on my site within 100 days of being signed up.
And now, a year from that day, I am posting a new journal, thanking everyone I’ve met on this site; whether you are a stalker or a passerby.
I want to say thanks to those that have butted heads with me in the forums yet still peruse my work with an unbiased opinion.
I want to show my appreciation to those that have helped me learn about new forms of poetry.
I want to say I will always welcome every comment, no matter what.
I have written more poetry in the last year than in the whole of my life.
And I couldn’t have done it without all of you!
Thanks for making this site poetic.
Chell Deena Hart
...Created 2006-05-06 07:02:09
-------------------------------------------Mood: In a mood...A third installment in the "Eavesdropping: Random Phrases" series.
Random Phrases From The Men’s Room
“You see, I heard that if you kept that area trimmed, it would make It look larger. But I missed with the scissors…”
“Yeah, but, how do I tell her that I dated her mom?!?”
“And then, right in front of my wife, the parrot says, “New brothel, new Madame, same guy, Hey George!” and I knew I was screwed!”
“Ya ever git tired of them stupid jokes that makes us look like idjits?”
“So there I was, looking up at her dad who was holding a shot gun, screaming, “This wasn’t one of my intentions with your daughter, I swear!”
“Why is it that doctors always snap the glove right before they tell us to relax?
“So we’re standing on top of this toilet seat, listening to these two hot chicks talking about wanting to do us, when one of them decides she has to use the toilet.”
“It has been like this ever since the night I pissed on that electric fence the neighbors put up.”
“How was I supposed to know what she was saying translates into ‘wrong hole’?”
“Seriously, I’m not joking! What does Penile Napoleonic Complex mean?
...Created 2006-04-26 21:35:52
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual
The next installment in the "Eavesdropping: Random Phrases" series.
Random Phrases From a Mall
“No sweetheart, I don’t mind spending that much on you! But, if I put this on the credit card, my wife will find out.”
“And I was laughing so hard I fell down the escalator.”
“No ma’am! Asking if you wanted it super-sized was not a jab about your weight.”
“It IS a beautiful prom dress, but it’s going to take too long to get off.”
“Why do women ask us if an outfit makes them look fat? Do really expect us to tell the truth?”
“Seriously, I take all my girlfriends shopping. If they model a negligee at Victoria’s Secret, I know I’m going to score!”
“Well, just so you know, this is a jewelry shoppe. The home supplies store is down the way. I’m sure they have windows there.”
“Of course you can get her the cheaper one. It’ll establish the whole ‘not getting what you wanted’ theme that exists in every short marriage.”
“Do you have a larger size four?”
...Created 2006-04-19 18:28:24
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