Journal:  -------------------------------------------Mood: DepressedOkay, so I actually found out that people read my journals. I didn't think anyone didi, so I just didn;t write them anymore. I have had writer's block for such a long time. It sucks so bad. Tomorrow or today is a big day in my mind. There are som things I just need to say.
I am going to have to tell Victor that I can't talk to him anymore. I know it sounds stupid because there isn't much of a reason behind it, but there is. He doesn't care anyway. He could never be together because it looks like he doesn;t want to be. It makes me want to cry and I hate it. I'll just have to say, Victor, I need to say this thing. Umm... we can't talk anymore. And he might say why and I will just have to say, we won;t see each other again anyway. And I need to get on with my life because you don;t have time for me. So I guess it's goodbye. Like forver. Never to talk or to see each other ever. I just hate it. It makes me cry. I remember I cried 5 times before school ended because I knew I would never see my friends again and I would never see him and I wrote him that letter and I cried as I wrote it. I can't believe I made it so dramatic because I never give letters to guys because I know what happens. They show it all of their guy friends and they all come up and laugh at the person who wrote like little immature idiots. Believe me, it has happened before.
Listening to sad music and it makes me really wanmt to dramatize my life again, but I don;t have the time or the tears to take the time to waste over something as stupid as this. I remember putting inthat letter at the end that it said
Victor, I think I may have even loved you. I know how cliché and stupid that sounds but it's the god-given truth, and I knwo it's the end from every angle and I know that I never had a chance from the beginning but I'm just like that, I don;t give up on things. Even though I Know there is no hope, I don;t give up. I just can't. I'm scared to let go of someone I have felt like I needed but honestly, I guess I didn't need him because I know as soon as next year starts I'll be walking down those halls again for nothing, starting some retarded relationshoip, thinking it weas the world to me, when it won;t be. And I just feel so vulnerable, so I guess that;s all I can say. ...Created 2005-06-21 18:15:17 |
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