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dotsJournal: Misunderstooddots
Mood: upset

In the calm of desolation
Wanting to break
From this circle of confusion

In the depths of isolation
Trying to wake
From this daydream of illusion

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been

It challenges the essence of my soul
And leaves me in a state of disconnection
As I navigate the maze of self control

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

If I seem superhuman
I have been

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from surreal to seclusion
From love to disdain
From belief to delusion
From a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

If I seem superhuman
I have been

-Dream Theater, Misunderstood. 2002

...Created 2008-06-25 11:22:46

dotsJournal: dots
Mood: Frightened

I'm scarred.

...Created 2008-06-25 00:25:20

dotsJournal: So Alonedots
Mood: Sigh...

Somebody please just fucking listen...

...Created 2008-06-17 05:06:57

dotsJournal: 6/12/08dots
Mood: Depressed

Recently I have found out that I am an addict.

...Created 2008-06-12 16:56:38

dotsJournal: 6/3/2008dots
Mood: Hurt and Confused

-8:59 pm-

I sit here in a friends kitchen on his family's laptop, thinking. Thinking about today. I woke up at five, just enough time to see the last hours of the day I peacefully slept away from. The sunset outside beautiful, and the day so lovingly warm.

My ex came over today. Crying and really hurt, of the matter I have done to her. I broke many, many promises to her, and yet even when I am without her, I still see myself breaking her heart into more finer places. I do not enjoy it. I hate to see her tremble inside of the tears she has. I hate to see her hurt, and yet her points so valid as they are, why do I not stay with her.

The reason is for health and value, I do not want to rot inside of the prison I have made myself, I want to condone not in hurting the ones around me. I have found myself to be rather unqualified for a boyfriend, and really believe someone better is out there for her. But I am fully aware it is not of I that can partake her heart anymore. I do not want to live with a family that talks down to me. I do not want to see myself fall further down the scene. And I want to relieve the homesickness.

I am twenty-one of age late in the year, as she is eighteen. To young to say for family yet. I have not the stability to even care for myself. And so this hurt carries on.

I wish everything will turn out alright, but it never does...

...Created 2008-06-03 21:11:20

dotsJournal: Livedots
Mood: Awake

Wake up, treat each day as if you were to die tommorrow.

Don't be stuck in the prison you can create

There is so much to life

There is so much to experience.


...Created 2008-03-01 02:55:44

dotsJournal: No One Listensdots
Mood: The Pain Inside

Awaken, welcome back to the world Stavie. Welcome back to the entire world you work so hard in escaping. Try not to acknowledge the fact that really no one can feel the feelings you feel. Try not to dwell on the fact that anyone will ever relate to the things you say about the feelings you go through. Every day is a battle to be happy, no one knows that, no matter how hard you try. No matter how hard you try to reach everyone around you, no one knows the hurt you go through. Maybe they care, but they never listen, or they listen, but they never feel.

No one around you can feel that hate that burns inside of you, and all you do is sit quietly as everyone persists for their daily desires. Every time your high, and you talk to your cousin, he just acts if you are in a constant ramble, do you tell him the feelings. No you don't, because he will never be on the same level as you. Hide in every hit you take deeper into your lungs, and try to float away by the music "you" want to hear. Will anyone acknowledge the quotations surrounding you anyways? This write, will it get you anywhere in the long run? After all, who wants to hear you complain anymore, who wants to hear you bitch?

We as humans all hurt inside, we all have something that we want and we can care less what the rest of our race wants, and that is simply what they do to you. That is all everyone does to you. You think that people would have a bit empathy but they can care less. Their regard for you is low. They think they no everything, and they want to be the center of attention.

Who is this typing away without your consent of control. This is your long time guardian. This your angel and everyone else's fear. This is your present darkness that you have abandoned for awhile. Come back to me. Come back and let me nourish you again. Let me feed your mind with my hatred that protected you from the heart break again. You've tried so hard to be so nice to everyone. But look what has happened to you. That nigger shitted on you. You know she stole that twenty dollars and tried blaming it on your cousin, and not only in return did you get money taken from you, she tried so hard to stammer you away from your loved one. This is what happens when you trust people. This is what happens when you put faith inside of people. This is what happens when you allow yourself to give into these bastards.

One job overworks you and the other abuses you. Your father hasn't called looking for you. That bitch he is with has not one picture of you, and she bears the wedding ring your father gave your dear mother you miss so much. Your family pissed you away so fast it is unbelievable. You are alone, miserable, and you hide it. Night after night you like to be alone, so you can cry alone in your room. You like to cry, I know you haven't for some time, but I want you to know it is okay for you to cry sometimes. It is okay for you to talk to me again alone in your sanctuary around candle light. Come back to me. I give you so much more comfort then these fools. If you want to light up, light up again, but alone. Be with me. Write with me. Hate...

...Created 2008-01-29 05:17:20

dotsJournal: My Pentaddots
Mood: Creative

1. A straightfoward prose statement about the outside world.

"The midnight sky is beautiful."

2. Now paying closer attention to the thing I just wrote about.

"Parts of the sky dazzle with its shinning stars. The moon to the west is full and glows white as snow. The sparse clouds float swiftly overhead. A midnight blue tint surrounds everything that glows. The reflection of white intensifies closer to the moon and fades as it travles further away from it. Hundreds of stars flicker around the whole horizon of the sky from East and West, North and South."

3.Concentrating on the subject and coming up with few new ways of presenting or describing the thing my orignal statement was about.

"The midnight sky is like a field of dreams and wonders of the images that have journied upon my life. An essence of memories and a presence admits my soul, as its stars that flicker back in my renta is that of my mothers gazing into me, silently telling me that she is still here with me."

4. Now writing two passages of poetry on this subject, experementing with diffrent forms.


"Midnight blue, and pearl white, sky and moon,
Dancing with each other in night after sunsets noon.

Stars pulsing the memories in their everlasting stair,
Coming to life in my mind as if you are still their."

Free verse:

"The moon shines the reflections of heaven,
As the stars. Angels. That look down at me.
Your figure in the clouds. Sends chills in me...
As I can see your ghost. Looking down on me.
As I lament in saddness. And lonliness.
In this life so far from the one that you live eternally."

5. Now rewriting one of the passages in as few words as I can.

Moon reflecting heaven, stars dance along after.
I lament alone.
Fearing both angels and ghosts,
In this life so far from your eternal one."

...Created 2007-11-10 06:01:22

dotsJournal: To Fell Alivedots
Mood: Wondering

Some times I wonder why I hate. Sometimes I wonder why I hurt. Sometimes I wonder why I am so negative to lifes standards and to the world. When there is so much beauty in the world. So much to be happy about. I want to feel alive again.

...Created 2007-08-14 16:26:43

dotsJournal: Hurtdots
Mood: Hurt...

Does everyone hate me?

...Created 2007-08-03 04:55:46