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    poetry


    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Bored

    You know I only write journals when I've looked through every other link I've ever bookmarked and I can't find anything else to do.

    Everyone's away. The people who are never online during the weekend are obviously NOT ON, and the other people are on vacation for Thanksgiving. I'm so tired and I need someone to talk to.

    I was informed a few days ago that obviously no one reads my journal anymore. That's perfectly fine with me, but obviously HE did or he wouldn't have known what I was talking about.

    Let's clear a few things up, shall we?

    1. I'm not here to make sense.
    2. I'm still 12, believe it or not.
    3. I think it's pretty morally wrong to CRITIQUE the way someone writes in their journal, on a writer's site, no less. Come on. Please? Pretty please? Stop being mean to me?

    Oh, and I still need a beta. Maybe that's just because I'm desperate for someone to bounce ideas off of, but I need an outside opinion, and I think I need to know someone who only wants to know ME for my writing, and not who I am.

    In other news, Jessica just turned into an angsty piece of crap.

    I wish I could be someone else for ONE day. Just one day, no longer and no shorter. That's not because I don't like being me. It's because I simply want to know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. Stupid laws of physics. I would give a lot to be special right now.

    It's hard to get people to look up to you when you're 12 years old and smaller than most of the people you talk to. In body and in mind.

    My mom's just recovering from the surgery she went through a couple of days ago, and that means I can't really go anywhere. I don't mind the responsibility, but I hate the restrictions. Never really realized how much I depended on her until now. She can't go out much, and it's not like we really ever went out anywhere anyway, but it restricts me from fantasizing about being alone for two seconds of my life.

    There are people running up and down the stairs to the basement (where I currently reside, thank you) as I type. My sister's up and down ever three minutes, running around, pulling things off the shelves to examine, looking over my shoulder, shouting random things and overall just trying to get my attention. Once she's finished with that, she'll either go onto addictinggames.com and play some stupid shooter game, or she'll go onto Webkinz and I'll have to put up with that annoyingly childish music again.

    I love my sister, I really do, but right now all I want to do is listen to A Perfect Circle and type out dialogues. If I can't talk to my real friends, I'll talk to my imaginary ones.

    And besides, my dad's watching the baseball game in the other room and so I wouldn't really get much alone time even if Sara did decide to leave.

    I've got a headache.

    Oh, and before I go... My friend and I were having a conversation about how my mood swings affect my writing (ex. good mood - short little romance stories and humour, bad mood - rain, death, sometimes very insane humour). I was pretty pissed off at the time... Vaguely recall it was because of Helen's superiority complex and/or Jacob's uncontrollable ADD.

    "Now, the next time Jessica opens a Word document and starts typing, an entire city will die."

    <3

    ...Created 2007-10-07 19:50:02

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Sick

    I'm sick again.

    It's this really incredibly stubborn virus that has been spreading throughout the school... Like a cold, but it makes you 10 x more tired and achy. And of course, there's 10 x more snot. Aubrie blames it on the moon. I'm tempted to go with that and just start blaming all my problems on the moon. Hee.

    ('Curse you!!')

    And I've been getting these weird cravings. Everything from pickled beets to honey mustard-covered pretzels to powdered donuts. Usually things we don't have and haven't had for a long time now.

    Curses.

    I officially <3 yogurt with fresh fruit and granola bits. Unfortunately the milk products aren't helping with the snot. Sighh.

    Onto the point of this journal entry. I'm looking for a new RP partner!! I got into a fight with my last RP partner, also one of my best friends, and last time we got into a fight like this, we didn't talk for about two months. So, in the mean time, while he's getting over the fact that I told him to go shove his head in a toilet and drown himself, I need a new partner. Perferrably someone who's friendly, has adaptable characters, an open mind, and is around my level. And yes, I'm advertising.


    ...


    Viral FTW. <3333

    ...Created 2007-09-23 12:54:13

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Pleased =)

    I wanna write again.

    ...

    So not the right way to start off a journal entry on a writer's site.

    Okay, let me rephrase: I want to REALLY write again. Not the crappiness- Okay, I shouldn't say crappy, because I still love the characters- the SLOWNESS of things like Dirty Grey, or anything that's, in general, very dark and depressing that goes nowhere.

    So I'm gonna go through my stories today, and delete things that never have and never will be anything spectacular (ex. old poems (the ones that I wrote after that stupid family gathering), little things that no longer make sense), and yes, I'm deleting the first chapter of Seven Sins and Seven Virtues. Have you ever read over something and winced? Yeah, I did.

    (Un)Fortunately, the AB Entries will stay standing. I have a firmer idea as to where the story will go now, but starting it up again now would be too soon. It'll be editted and rewritten, completely, but I need a new project.

    So I might be looking for a beta reader sometime soon. Or maybe a cowriter, but that's still a very strong maybe.

    On a more personal note (you can all stop reading now): I went to a dance yesterday. Weeheethatwassomuchfun. And I actually DANCED. And looked pretty dang good doing it if I do say so myself. And people actually danced with me. And enjoyed it, I think. But no one slow-danced with me, which sucks cause I actually know how to slowdance. Hehehe.

    ...Created 2007-09-15 06:57:32

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Bored

    School starts tomorrow. New school, new kids, new minds, new stupid dramas.

    School starts tomorrow, which means autumn is coming. Which means it'll get dreary, and winter will come. I hate winter. Not just because I hate the cold, because I suppose that's manageable, and the snow's really awesome, but... Seasonal affective disorder. It's got something to do with sunlight... Or seasons... Yeah. I really should research it. But apparently I have it. Which means winter is HELL for me.

    S.A.D. + winter = depression = tiredness + cold = NOT GOOD.

    Darn.

    Onto my Keys to the Kingdom rant. Ignore this if you feel you must.

    I just finished reading Drowned Wednesday, and have gotten about 1/5 of the way through Sir Thursday, give or take. My notes: Drowned Wednesday nearly bored me to tears. Honestly. The plot's great and the idea itself is absolutely amazing... Heck, the writing's flawless, but in the view of a reader, there's no emotion to it. It's completely viewed as if the narrator is just recounting events. Arthur has MINOR emotions, but all in all, it's like he's not human half the time. And Suzy only showed up, like, two thirds of the way through the book. AND, wtf, Arthur, you seem to just automatically assume Leaf will be perfectly fine with being kidnapped and taken to another world. I mean, c'mon, I'd have gone insane.

    On the other hand... <333 the skinless boy. Really, he's awesome. Is he working for Saturday's Dusk? I hope so. Saturday's Dusk pwns. Skinless boy is just deliciously evil. He leaves too many little tidbits out for my imagination to play with. And he's only appeared, like, twice!!

    R.I.P. Mister Monday. For now. I sniffled a bit when I realized he died. He was one of my favourites. But I'm only on Sir Thursday, so heh, maybe he comes back. *Prays.*

    Also, on the subject of Monday... Stuff about his Noon and Dusk. Noon seems uncomfortable with his new position. Dusk... Well, I'm imagining Dusk in some sort of black leather outfit. With buckles and zippers. Looking VERY unhappy. I think he misses being called Noon. (And yes, I know that's not the proper Dusk attire, but I think he retained a bit of his Noon-ishness and won't be able to fill the place as well as the former Dusk did. Plus, when they said '...a figure in black. Then he realized it was Monday's Noon', I just automatically thought of leather.)

    I'm thinking of creating a picture titled 'Dame Primus' Army' or something. From that scene at the beginning of Sir Thursday, when she comes in with Noon and Dusk and all the Comissionaires and Midnight Visitors.

    ...Created 2007-09-03 15:47:36

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Crazy

    As of late, I've been trying to purposely Placebo-effect myself.

    Thus far, it's sort of working.

    I don't know why, but I've been feeling like crap lately. Not in the I'm-depressed-and-can't-get-out-of-it sense, but moreso in the 'helpless' sense. Okay, maybe I do know why. And it's making me retreat to safe places I know of. Like here. Or the park. Stuff like that. Places where I know no one's out to get me.

    One of my friends and I got into a fight a few days ago. He's convinced that I've been lying about our friendship the entire time I've known him... On the other hand, I just started talking to another friend I haven't seen in ages. And probably won't see for ages again, now that school's started up and he's off to college. He'se been trying to convince me to join a forum he's in for about... Well, the entire summer, just because his girlfriend's away on vacation or something and can't/won't RP with him. So I'm next choice. Goodie. And he finally got fed up with me, because he KNEW I wanted to join and was just denying it... He even brought the board's admin into it just to try to convince me. Dedicated, eh? So I think I pissed both of them off, and he's one of those guys that if you upset him, you'll feel awful about it for weeks to come. So I, for the purpose of making him happy, joined, took two hours to fill out the character profile, and set up my acount - ALL BY MYSELF-... and now we're on 'safe grounds', but I don't think he's too happy with me. Plus, I got Yahoo! messenger. :P

    Then there's the deal with the other forum. Recently, a new member joined. She's a helluva lot older than everyone else (like, we're all teens and she's 25 or something o.O), and she's really, REALLY good at what she does. Really morbid, too. But the board's admin seems to have taken a liking to her, and I've been trying to get on dearest admin's good side since MARCH... But anyway. They're RPing together and whatnot, and she's already been promoted to moderator within THREE DAYS... and she's messing up the board. Completely. She's ruining the atmosphere. Suggesting new rules and making everything stricter and just generally more intimidating and blah blah blah...

    Plus my two RP partners are never online when I am, so we can't seem to get more than two posts out per week. :(

    I really really hope Austin's not still pissed off at me. Grr. I'm such an idiot.

    ...Created 2007-08-26 21:32:30

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Sniffle...

    (Okay, so maybe I don't know much about the world around me. Don't say that, it's rude. I know more about MY world than you'll ever have the priviledge to find out. And besides, watch me. I'm young enough to believe I can do anything and mature enough to know you've long since passed that age of self-belief and worth. Just WATCH. Maybe I'll change the world.)

    I love my parents right now.

    They brought me out to Michael's (the store :P) and bought me two things in congradulations for getting into the art gallery. First gift was a three-piece sketch set - One black book, complete with hard cover and fancy writing, for studies and such or whenever I go to an art class, a sketch pad (same as my old one, but half the amount of sheets) for experimentation, and a drawing pad to create all my good-quality works on. Second was a pack of Prismas pencil crayons. And oh my freaking GOD, these things are expensive. $1.00 per crayon! Yes, seriously. And I got a 24-pack. n.n
    Lucky for me, they blend seamlessly with normal Laurentien crayons.

    And then there are these other things. Side-gifts, I s'pose. They're these two pads of paper, square paper (scrapbook size) and they've got these funky designs on them. One's a 'skull' set (which I'm referring to as the Punk Paper now) and the other's, like, old- fairytale-ish. Each page is completely different and unique, and they all look like something you'd create in Photoshop and use as a desktop background or something.

    Naturally, I have no clue what I'm going to use them for, but I had to buy them anyway. x_x I'm becoming a bit impulsive.

    ...Created 2007-08-19 17:17:02

    dotsJournal: ...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Kinda shaky-tired

    -&& she said;; i think *i'm going ::INSANE::+

    Enough with the emo-ness already.

    Conversation between me and a friend:

    "Well, I'm online and looking through the chatrooms, but the only people who seem to be worth roleplaying with are the three emo kids in room 3."

    "Lots of punctuation?"

    "Yep."

    I'm getting sick of it. But aaaanyway.

    I've completely screwed up the timeline in my head. Yesterday, I thought today (which is now yesterday) was Sunday, when it was actually Friday. So that explains me telling everyone that I was going to book camp tomorrow (which is today) when I'm actually going on Monday. Which I thought was tomorrow yesterday, but it wasn't.

    Whoops.

    So just to make that clear, I'm going to book camp on Monday, the application for the art gallery needs to be done and submitted by Monday, and the actually gallery opens NEXT Monday. Phew.

    In other news. My friends have gotten this great idea into my head that I should create art books. Collections of my artwork, book-format. (The art in question is not, in fact, the crapiness up on my site. It is actual, good-quality, meticulous, sketchbook style stuff.) Just so it doesn't hang around my sketchbook forever once I've finished a group, which I think will look really cool. Most of them (yes, there will be more than one) will be anywhere from 8 to 20 pages long. My problem: I have no clue what I should put it in to make it look good. What sort of book? A duotang? Probably not. A binder? Too big. A scrapbook? Too tacky and a bit too expensive. Suggestions please.

    Oh, and on that note- OMGZ MY PENCIL CRAYONS ARE SO SHORT!!! My black is nearly smaller than my baby finger. My hands hurt from holding it, and that's just from colouring CLOTHES. I've still gotta do the backgrounds, and most of them will be, you guessed it, primarily black. >< So. What kind of pencil crayons/ colouring media do you find works best? Cause I need to go crayon shopping.

    Oh, and Blaqk Audio are releasing a new CD soon. I downloaded a few previews and it's bound to be awesome. I mean. Honestly. With Davey Havok on vocals, even if the record sounds like a dying cat walking on glass, the frontman will still have the voice of an angel and enough drama queen antics to make everyone else look old and stuffy.

    ...Created 2007-08-11 21:36:03

    dotsJournal: Dum dum dum...dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual

    I've been trying to limit down my journal entries as of late, seeing as nothing I have to say seems to be worth talking about anymore, and no one's reading it, anyway. Well, I shouldn't say that. But the people who are reading it always tell me that I'm either making no sense, or I'm acting depressing, or they try to help something that's already passed. I appreciate the help, really I do, but writing journals is like a therapy session for me and once I'm done writing it, it's usually over. Besides, acting amusing or interesting is usually much more help than advice.

    Tomorrow is Taras' birthday... :P

    I went on another Google search today. I swear, I looked through every possible link related to Avaia ever within the past hour and a half. I'm becoming a professional Google searcher, it seems. But there isn't one site I've found that has anything useful about the show. It's really awful. I can barely find any pictures, I think I've found one video, but all in all, I doubt there's 1/1000th of the world who even knows this thing exists.

    There's a gallery opening at my library for child artists and whatnot... Submission is free and you don't have to have much talent. I'll be adding something. Book camp the week after that...

    Yes, I've fallen into it. No, not Myspace. I've created my own RP like almost all of my RPer-friends seem to have done. I don't care if anyone joins, but just check it out, kay people? Well, actually, I'd encourange you to join not for the purpose of RPing, but to see the incredibly pretty skins I've forced myself to work on.

    Edit: Whoops. Forgot to post the link. -.-

    Incipience: http://incipience.proboards91.com

    ...Created 2007-08-05 11:35:54

    dotsJournal: Back.dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Yeay!!

    I'm back from the cottage, which was nothing short of amazing, by the way. I met a really cool guy, ate Mac toffee for the first time, jumped off a cliff into the water, scraped my elbow, bruised my ankle, made a campfire, and... Took pictures inside an abandoned hospital.

    By the way. Have any of you ever read the book Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell? It's a positively awesome read. Over 800 pages, mind you, but it was the #1 book of the year according to all too many magazines to count, and really... It's awesome.

    Childermass + The Raven King = Meant to be. Drawlight + Lascelles = So many possibilities. Poor Drawlight. Strange + Anyone = Just delicious. Stephen + Thistle-down = Almost too obvious not to see!

    And please disregard that. You'd only understand if you'd read the book.

    ...Created 2007-07-20 17:47:34

    dotsJournal: Brighter Notedots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Overwhelmed

    I'll be on vacation from tomorrow (Sunday) until Friday, and possibly Saturday, depending. This will end up as the shortest journal entry I've ever written, but that's because I need to go pack... Meh.

    Don't worry (though I doubt anyone will :P), I'll come back alive and well.

    ...Created 2007-07-14 08:36:46

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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