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    dotsJournal: Passionsdots
    Mood: The Usual

    I realize now, that man’s natural progression could never begin by giving up, by biting one’s thumb in nihilistic ecstasy. For passion cannot be found in settling for a life that is less than one is capable of living.
    I will pursue all of my dreams. To do otherwise, would allow the corruption of “my life”; a process which would inevitably extinguish the passions which give live meaning. Such a corruption is all too common in these modern times. Some simply give up at the first hint of resistance; some will seek a pension rather than a passion; and the rest will be run down imperceptible degrees until they lose their fire, never knowing when or how it disappeared.

    I currently face a persistent messaging which paints a lack of convictions as maturity, a lack of values as security, and lack of self-reliance as practicality. And so, in face of this, I will strive to keep my passions by giving them shape, purpose and reality. For it is those who accomplish their passions that have lived up to the nobler parts of human nature and life’s meaning.

    ...Created 2014-11-16 01:04:08

    dotsJournal: Satisfactiondots
    Mood: The Usual

    I got into medical school. Looks like my dreams are coming true, at least partially. I've told myself I can experience a lot of things when I get into medical school. I don't know if I'm ready to feel satisfaction. Maybe I wont, I wonder what my next great desire will be. And will it be able to shape me the way this one has? Will I commit 10 years to achieving it?

    ...Created 2014-05-18 23:44:39

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    I might be gay... I might just be kinky... Oh the trials of twenty year old erectile dysfunction...

    ...Created 2013-10-07 11:26:53

    dotsJournal: Communitydots
    Mood: Overwhelmed

    So today is my last day to finish my medical school applications. As a good student I've left it all to the last second. But what I really wanted to bring up was that...

    I've actually spent the last half hour crying when I was asked "how you are involved in your community." Didn't realize I cared so much about my school, and it terrifies me that I'll be leaving here in a few months.

    ...Created 2013-09-30 13:36:36

    dotsJournal: Things I Forgetdots
    Mood: The Usual

    I just got a friend to write me a letter of recommendation to medical school. I'm glad I did. I've definitely become a worse person over the last year.

    ...Created 2013-09-26 17:32:30

    dotsJournal: Stuffdots
    Mood: The Usual

    Man quite a bit has happened in the last little while. I've written the MCAT, and slept for a day straight, escaped to the North of Ontario with friends, and came back to my home away from family to begin training for a job as a that older kid who lives in residence to act as peer support. So I've half moved in, with most of my stuff in storage.

    Along the way I've noticed my sex drive has plummeted to a point that actually scares me its so low... And for the last few days I haven't been able to fall asleep unless I've been in a room full of people. My only sleep today comes from a nap I had while in a friends bed while he watched tv... I feel like I'm losing touch with my most basic places of pleasure dreams and... um... er... fantasies... So will I fight for them? Or simply find new places to rejoice. Maybe its time I flourish in reality. We will see, I'm departing for a camp where I'll be sleeping in bunk beds with friends so I'll defer the question to another time.

    In other news, because of my distaste for my own poetry I tried using other artistic outsources. I made a digital painting. Rather fond of it, though it isn't actually any better then my poetry... In the sense that it's meaning isn't any deeper, its just easier to hide in artwork. Maybe I should use my insomnia to practice playing my recorder... I hear music is expressive? Though I fret that I just don't have much to say, and so all mediums of art will escape me.

    EDIT: Yup I'm currently learning Gangam style, call me maybe, and the pokemon theme song on recorder... Oh these school free days.

    ...Created 2013-08-21 04:36:01

    dotsJournal: End With Peacedots
    Mood: The Usual

    So this website seems to host a wide range of people of all ages. Do other's often wonder what it'll take to die in peace. Is peace found in the arms of a loved ones; the satisfaction of ones accomplishments; or from living a life with good intentions.

    A tree branch almost fell on me today. It would have fallen from about three or four meters in the air, and would have been thick enough to do some damage. Instead the branch fell inches away from my head; and the peripheral branches connected to it dragged me down into the cement of the sidewalk.

    I stood up mostly unscathed. The first thought which popped into my mind was "it'd be a shame if this stopped me from writing the MCAT". The thought was unsatisfying, if I had truly been maimed or killed would my biggest regret be not writing the MCAT?

    ...Created 2013-07-26 23:45:39

    dotsJournal: Incomplete Thoudots
    Mood: Confused


    Perhaps the greatest ideal from my old-country roots. I came from a country who has always imagined themselves as a nation of loyal protectors. My people had always felt loyalty was valuable enough to justify one's own death.

    Loyalty to Friends
    Devotion to a Pledged Word
    Fidelity Among People

    These were sacred ideals, which even though have never been formally verbalised, I can clearly see guiding the actions of my parents and even my sister. To an extent...

    While this seemingly "divine" necessity for life (or rather for a meaningful life, a life with honour), is one that I have found myself recently ensnared within. To help myself understand my own struggle, I'm going to look at the struggles of others around me.

    My parents had left the old country. This abandonment cannot be considered loyalty can it? However, they did so for the benefit of myself and my sister. Which is a form of loyalty to their children.

    Loyalty, like many other "righteous" pursuits seems to easy to mutate and transform into horrible principles of being. Is that true with all virtues, they can (when applied without temperance) lead to an unhealthy sophism.

    I seem to take too much pleasure from looking at the borders between different discipline of studies. It comes from an innate loyalty to the disciplines (or at least to the way I perceive the disciplines). When someone else challenges the divisions between disciplines I find my self almost unable to properly process their arguments. Its killing me on my verbal reasoning section of the MCAT.

    ...Created 2013-07-07 18:26:32

    dotsJournal: Goalsdots
    Mood: Yeay!!

    It came to me recently (like with most things in my life). I recently found myself obsessed with some... dissatisfaction with myself. I haven't been able to name my desires, or understand how to achieve them. However, they had haunted me for quite some time.

    While walking home, the serendipitous combination of billboards, strangers conversations, and a book I was reading had provided me with three names for my yearnings.


    So I like these three words. They haven't really brought me closer to learning anything, or to changing myself. But hey its nice to have names for things right?

    Give it a week, my wants will probably change again :P

    ...Created 2013-06-13 22:54:49

    dotsJournal: HigherEducationdots
    Mood: Thinking...

    Comparative endocrinology or economic anthropology. Man is registering for courses hard! I have one fourth year bio and one fourth year chem I have pre-reqs for. End with some hard science, or end on a social note? Should do something completely different?

    American med schools want me to do more english classes, cause apparently children's lit will make me a better doctor than polymer construction. But would aboriginal studies make NOR-Med think of me as a better investment?

    As a med-school hopeful committing to the wrong courses can be devastating. My GPA is already rather poor, and if I fall into something I can't (or wont) succeed in then I've effectively thrown away four years of my life. Then again, do I really need to stay a hopeful, and instead switch to a different career. Maybe I should just do whatever sounds fun and start up a Reiki therapy clinic... That's "helping" people right?

    Currently I'm in an interdisciplinary program with a focus on health. I've learned history, literature, anthropology, biology, chemistry, pharmacology, sociology, psychology, technological studies, communication, environmentalism and ethics in relationship to human health. I'd like to think it arms me to have a valuable conversation with people in all disciplines. But then again, the average practitioner in a single field can outclass my feeble examples with a wider depth of knowledge. I can't really debate with the chemist on the merits of hydro-halogenation or even try to understand how to produce a nano-car so maybe I've just failed myself with this jack of all trades knowledge. Anyone who happens by this blog and feels like sharing, what do you (did you) study and why? Any regrets? And then, what is the greatest strength you've derived from your studies?

    P.S. Also only one more comment and I think I officially become a person on this site... Not that it really has any significance, but something about that all makes me un-easy. Like with one more comment I've made enough of an impact on the community that I should be socially invested at some capacity. Has me wondering what stopped me from commenting back when I first made an account... Exams? Or just laziness? I appreciate the delay in personhood, good move site creater dude!

    ...Created 2013-05-31 08:43:02

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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