-------------------------------------------Mood: SadPlease wake up.Look me in the eye and tell me how much you longed to hold your gaze like you did before.
How long more will my wait last?Please wake up.
Please wake up.Tonight would be a misery if you don't.I would have to cry to myself again.At least, if you're awake, my pain would lessen because you'd cry with me.Please wake up.
Please wake up.I'm about to throw myself into the blue seas.I want to cross the oceans and settle on a coast.That way, I don't have to face the life I left behind.And then start a new one with you.
I love you, and only you.
Please wake up.
...Created 2008-05-13 08:32:05
|Journal: Dear You|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualDear You,
It's been so long since we last met. Since I last saw you.It's strange, since I don't even know what you look like now. It's been years. I wonder if we're really lovers. Maybe deep down, I think so. I believe so. If that is true, then why am I wasting my time waiting for you to materialise in front of me?
Face it, you're just a phone call away. I can even take a straight bus to your house.But I didn't. Maybe I don't need to waste time looking for you because you're inside me all along. That means I won't meet you one fine day somehow. There's no reunion or climax.Nevertheless, I still want to see my friend. I miss you, even if you're not my lover. Think about it, how did our love story start(if there were any.I think there was)?...Created 2008-03-16 20:54:17
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usuali have another kick-ass theory(yeah, right~!).
ok, it all started out with how i am utterly annoyed(infinite boos and sighs)by CLASS POLITICS. yes, i am annoyed by all these class politicians, and i am sure that we do not need a proper election to determine who's the biggest ass here. we do not need a majority vote(lsm is stuck in my head~!).
ironically, while talking to all these aspiring(struggling, that is) politicians, i tend to give POLITICALLY CORRECT ANSWERS. hmm...who's the politician now?...Created 2008-02-04 21:17:30
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualok i don't normally express my deepest feelings through eliteskills, i am old-fashioned.therefore i have tried to preserve the long-standing(really?) tradition of writing in cute little itsy-bitsy diaries(whatever sehh).yes, that's me.archaic old me.
ok, recently i just did the DISC(read;dominate, influence, steadiness, compliance) personality profiling test. and my leadership style is predominantly I(INFLUENCE).hoohoo~!kind of expected, the way i always psycho people to do this and that without appearing to do so.yes, that's khairun for you, folks.
people who are predominantly I are those who loves people, fear rejection, listens only when it is convenient, are dreamy and they LOVE PEOPLE(my lecturer really emphasised on that.ok, i really should have taken Psychology but my O levels score wasn't good enough.period.)
and i thought it was kind of true.i am predominantly I.in a way.but i have become less so now.i don't know why..maybe it's because i'm tired and moody that things are not so easy and and i'm just so stressed with trying to click with all these smart people from LAW.hmmmmm.....because i do not seem to care about what people think of me. no matter what i do,they will still treasure their own opinions, and we cannot realy change other people's perception.i don't like to do that, unless they are really going off-course. i would pull them back, carrying a whip, i tell you(in my head, a scene from pride and prejudice, a footman whipping a horse on a chariot)!
ok, for now i really wish to just reach out to other people and help them out.i've always done that in the past.and my mom would say, ''what about your own self?you want others to be happy, but are you?''
and i'll cry whenever i hear someone saying or implying that.because i know that i try to avoid my own pain by trying to help others get out of their own.where does that leave me?crying by myself in some dark corner of a hollowed-out corridor.
now, i try to focus on making my own self efficient and..well...sort of happier.but i might have hurt others' feelings.i would like to clarify that it is all UNINTENTIONAL.i am just trying to make myself happy.i am moving on to my own happiness.i am human, i want my own life.and i know boundaries.i know where i should stand.my purpose in life is not to be little Aunt Agony, but just your everyday confidante.hmm....things will unfold sooner or later..
hey..YOU.yes, you!am i weird?am i strange?do i look like i ignore you?do i appear stuck-up?am i not like those other girls fawning all over you?do you really think i am?you want the truth?i am just trying to avoid any trouble.the moment i saw you, i have that unmistakable gut that something might happen.something we both would have never expected in a million years.and to save both our skins, that's why i have never spoken a word to you.i never meant to offend you, and if i did, i'm sorry.let's just leave it at that....Created 2007-11-21 01:25:13
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualpart of the title of the latest, and more importantly latest Harry Potter book.jaz one thing to say about it!I WANNA READ THE BOOK!!been waiting for two years since i read the oh-so-good hakf blood prince.honestly!
ok so on saturday aka the day the book was released, i was shopping at Tampines Mall.my uncle wanted to go to courts.i was so annoyed when he saed that.why, you ask?coz times bookshop is jaz next door!!!!
haha.so i jaz stepped in anyway to look and to touch the book.hahahahhahah.i am very very nuts i know.neyhehe.ok aishah pestering me to get out of here.so to be continued...
even if noone cares!!...Created 2007-07-24 03:05:36
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualok today is a good day so far.took a day off work so i can finally do some work and have some KHAIRUN time.coz da onie khairun time i have now is when i mope around thinking about how i am reallie ANNOYED becoz nobody seem to understand somehow.boohoohoo.SHUDDUP DON JUDGE ME!!
I AM A FREAKING TEENAGER WITH RAGING HORMONES...i realie feel lyk ppl take it as something trivial..something common.and they say HECK CARE.hate those words.
ok just found Temasek Polytechnic is offering a Diploma in Psychology next year.i am so freaking ANGRY.wth.why why why??i have my heart to do it.now after one year of LAW, i get to seethe at those little kids.god god god.i reallie wish i find the meaning of all diz.coz i noe i wan psychology.so much.a lot.reallie.
blablieblue.i love that phrase.kind of lyk saying heck care.haha.noe not reallie.more like being dismissive.i am TORMENTED.small but fat.haha
ok honezlie, lyk the previous journal entry.i don mean anything i jaz typed.honest.to goodness.reallie reallie man!!!...Created 2007-07-16 01:31:17
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualMused by the wind.Tickled by the rain.Warmed by the fire.Beckoned by the earth.
LOLness.donoe why i came up with this.just a moment of the four elements and me at one time.i am not really feeling like a million bucks at the moment.feel lyk crap!!
ok how does it feel like knowing something u want to be is AKA impossible?infinte boos and sighs!!
and then u find out your friend is getting closer and closer to becoming the first president of the ppl i hate most.i named them ''THE DESPISED''.
lol.i feel so grouchy i could pull off a cass anytime now.don mean it in a bad way, but more like a ..i respect how she expresses herself sometimes.reallie original, honest and right in your face.
plus i have a stalking fren.isn't it weird when one of your friends actually breathe down ur neck and suck all the happiness out of u like a dementor?hohoho!!waddya call them now?!
ok moral of the story:i am feeling reallie weirded and i donoe wad i am typing.so it is pretty weird!!!...Created 2007-07-13 00:10:38
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usuali am enjoying the silence so much right now.nobody nagging at me.noone to tell me how i've been such a fool this year.throwing away the prime opportunities.being a so-called quitter.i know i am not one, but i cannot stop other people from being so judgemental.oh well...
right now i am at the AIA building at tampines.going to fetch my sister in about 45 minutes.but i still have some time to myself.and i am totally loving it.it is heaven to me right now.there are merely some other lovebirds chatting around and laughing behind me.but those are sweet and honest words.and they light people up and give life a different meaning.and a way that makes you feel happy about yourself.it is definitely not the type of thing i dread to listen to.but i am not eavesdropping!haha.
accepted to get a diploma in Early Childhood.kinda sad, coz i reallie wanted to get to Psychology.but i am appealing to other courses.so i hope i do well there.i really would not want anything that gets in the way of my dreams and passions.
hey..shoutout to you over there.i am very very curious about the situation.how is it that i stumble upon so many people living on the other side of the country for heaven's sake, but not YOU?the one who's merely on the other side of town.i mean, isn't it weird?i can walk to your house and simple pick up the phone and call for you, but that would have been desperation.i just want to know how you are doing.coz...i have not fully apologised to you right in front of your face.it's about time that i do, isn't it?i just haven't pluck enough courage.apparently, i am not strong enough.i'll just wait for my fairy godmother to sprinkle some brave dust on me.set with a huge carriage made of pumpkin to get to you.haha.kidding.what some people would do for forgiveness.inexplainable
oh well.enough.chaos coming in soon.a few more minutes of silence i guess.toodles~!...Created 2007-03-06 22:24:32
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usualgot the results for the O Levels.and i'm pretty glad!my hard work paid off.well, i didn't get like 5 distinctions, but i got 2 and i guess that's ok for me.planning to go to Ngee Ann Polytechnic to pursue Psychology.Hope i can get a Degree once i'm done with my diploma.pray hard and work hard...
well...i wuz kinda bummed out too at times.i mean, i can go to JC, but i am not up to take the risk i guess.to actually pass A Levels well...i am not interested in that.i want a diploma, den get my degree.but i am rather afraid if i made the wrong choice.but i hope that if i ever did anything wrong,i am strong enough to make it right.i will pursue the strength for the time being.by being true to myself.and speaking out.and not being afraid to add up to my mistakes.whatever i did that is wrong...it is done.i cannot undo it, but i can make it right if i am determined.
well...i do get rather smothered too.people chasing me to take the A Levels, so i can get a degree. and i feel so wound up.i'm only 16.i do want to think about other things besides my studies.but then again, maybe that's the reason.i'm only 16.maybe i should achieve it first, then make fantasy reality.embrace the present.
speaking of fantasy,i saw how it can change certain perspectives.say you have always stick to one perception, and then your dream tells you that you should always express what you feel.or showed you another side of someone.is it funny to believe in it?man, i need to talk about this things in my head to someone.but i haven't been swept off my feet,to be able to express what i feel.i'm not anticipating it that eagerly, but i do want to know what it truly feels like to be in love. i once thought i was, but i've never been more wrong.i hope i can get it all right soon.well..till here.toodles~!
...Created 2007-02-13 08:31:48
|Journal: Back Here|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Well, been a while since i came up with anything here.still waiting for O Level results, which is coming out on FRIDAY.god.so nervous.hope i at least pass six subjects.well, i am at the mercy of failing only one!man...i just want to get at least a pass for my maths, after all the F9s throughout the year.oh god!!well, i should accept whatever it is with open arms, it's all based on my efforts, right??
well...so far 2007 does look kinda cheery.got a job, and quitted after less than a week.ok, that's not so bright, but i did it for a reason, and i guess that counts as ok.well...i know there would be people judging me..but heck, i got another job, more flexible and it will fit my already hectic schedule better, what with my commitment with the CC.
on the happy note, i got to watch JOHN LEGEND in concert, his Once Again Asian Tour, when he came to s'pore.wow that was truly awesome.entered a contest, and hell yeah i won!!he was really great, i can't stop talking about it.but i guess i should.all i gotta say is..i hope he wins all 3 grammys this year!!nyehehe..
and i got a haircut.my bro keeps saying it's jinxing my wins whenever i play scrabble, but elly and my otha girlfriends said i looked cute.haha...well, they said i look even younger than i already do.without the haircut, nobody would believe i am 16.they either think i am younger...or graduating from JC.lol....
...Created 2007-02-05 07:21:25
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.