Journal: ----------- -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Bored ...Created 2008-11-03 18:27:40

Journal: --------------- -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual As I've never been keen on titles never have I felt all too attracted to advertise my sentiments and I've often frown upon those who do it on a daily basis. I reckon all that hinges upon my wanting to keep away from the limelight which at times has only proved to be misinterpreted and chastise by some yet I can gaze at the end of the horizon and no intentions on altering my demeanour can be traced. As a matter of fact, I've always taken pride on being the way I am. However, it can be deceptively harmful for being sensitive can arouse a smattering of despondency, to boot but I won't delve too far into it....... Presently, I could remark that I've got to write or else. It seems utterly bewildering to be able to scribble something down since I haven’t found enough inspiration to neither jot something down on my diary nor on Elite skills. Many times have I ruminated upon the peril that I happen to be entangled in by my striving for optimism and every so often I've felt daunted on that account. I'm quite cognizant that my lack of intensity or words for that matter, can be accounted for my having swayed from whining and sheer pessimism. Quite lately, I've felt so vividly compelled to bash some people but I have refrained several times only on the ground of the whole matter being worthless and insignificant. Be all as it may, I must admit, and I do feel rather morose at admitting this, that people have cunningly disappointed me. And I'm not alluding to any tacky love stuff, God forbids! At any rate, I reckon that as I have been picky on that account the most sensible course of action would be to strengthen the filter I've been using more circumspectly than before, which would be downright Olympic not to say colossal. --------------Ethan Brody---------------- ...Created 2008-08-27 16:09:44

Journal: ----------- -------------------------------------------Mood: ------------------ Well everything seems different right now. My perception of reality has been blatantly altered over the last few months. I've unveiled and gobble the sweet pollen of life which has nourished and sweeten my sheer existence. Changes are a threat but I've got tools to fight back. All in all, what I’m essaying to explain, rather inarticulately, is that I’m not the boy I once was. I'm certainly more experienced and I've got more resources than I used to. At least that’s the sentiment I've been trying to forge. I surmise that the idea of not caring will prevail. It's rather an intricate a motto and I have the faintest idea how to portray it myself ... and I’m not too fond of doing it either. There's this issue I'll miss and it's got to do with what a squire on a film brought up rather recently he remarked that all our suffering years are the ones that define us as a person and that when they creep away our lives are rendered meaningless and dull. It sounds more like a paradox rather than an epiphany and it also bears this unduly masochistic quality to it that makes it altogether striking. At any rate, I reckon I'll miss the gut-wrenching feeling that would partly account for some of my inspiration when it came to writing.- ...Created 2008-07-15 18:34:14

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking... Trying to find the balance ...Created 2008-04-13 17:03:27

Journal: --------------- -------------------------------------------Mood: Too much at once... It's rather strange to get older and to get cognizant of certain facts that had been sparkling in from of me but yet had not been able to peek at them. I surmise that experience or life itself shows them to you when appropriate. I feel so many things right now that is hard to put them all into words. I reckon that's downright overwhelming to see after having been rather blind for almost half of a lifetime. Teenagers........ they've no idea ......I guess that having glimpsed at reality as I did yesterday, which felt quite as an epiphany, should be good enough a motive for aching one’s demise because, to be quite honest, nothing is all it’s crapped up to be. ...Created 2007-10-13 13:34:14

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Well after several months of sheer absence I'm back on the horse. I figure that my return can solely be explained on the grounds that now I have something new to say ... it's true that I felt downright discouraged, I surmise that I still am, to some extent ... dunno .... I guess I am just rambling, as a matter of course... ...Created 2007-05-26 23:23:17

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual I GUESS I SHOULD BE FEELING RATHER DOWNHEARTED TONIGHT OWING TO WHAT I LEARNT A COUPLE OF MINUTES AGO. I DON'T KNOW.... I KIND OF HAVE MIXED FEELING ON THAT ACCOUNT.... DEEP DOWN INSIDE I THINK I WANT TO CRY MY EYES OUT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND A PART OF ME SAYS THAT I OUGHT TO REMAIN STILL AND PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.... I DO BELIEVE ALL THIS WAS RATHER UNFAIR.... I MEAN I HAVE STRIVED SO HARD TO BE WHERE I AM AND PEOPLE WHO, AS FAR AS I GATHER, HAVEN’T DONE MUCH ABOUT IT GET THINGS THE EASY WAY ALL THE BLOODY TIME.... I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I HAVE GOT TO BE STRONG AND CAST ASIDE ALL THE DIRE FEELING WITHIN OR AROUND MYSELF ... I'M HAPPY FOR HIM .... I SURMISE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN GLAD FOR ME HAD THINGS TURNED OUT THE OTHER WAY AROUND ... I HOPE BETTER THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO ME IN THE NEAR FUTURE BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I CAN'T SHUN FEELING A “BIT” FRUSTRATRED AND UNDERRATED. ...Created 2007-01-12 20:17:47

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual ----------------------- ...Created 2006-12-25 13:36:50

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Gosh ... where should I start???? I feel exceedingly overwhelmed. I've just finished college and I don't really know what I have to do now. I mean I'm aware that the next step is to work.... I don't know.... I feel as though some old wounds had flourished. I feel so at sea as to the future.... I can’t really make head or tails as to why I have to be so damn afraid of things, all the time! It’s like a bloody curse or something. I've been scared of every single thing I have done in my miserable life and it never ends. I'm just so tired of it. I wish I could be normal once and for all. I wish I felt cute, worthwhile, capable …………….. :( ……….. For fuck’s sake! And there this other feeling.... this of hunger which I can't control.... I have to admit that sometimes I enjoy having it in my guts but every now and then it appears to be heavy burden which could be portrayed only as an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I covet knowing things and feel frustrated owing to the fact that most of the time I haven't got enough time to read more or to study certain matters in depth. A lifetime is certainly not enough to learn everything that's to be learnt! And there is love .... and utterly weird word is it not? ...Created 2006-12-13 21:45:32

Journal: --------------- -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual ---- Popularity .... every time ..... ...Created 2006-11-26 12:48:29

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