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    dotsJournal: IRONYdots
    Mood: frustrated/triste-like

    It blows to be me.
    =]] argh,

    ...Created 2007-05-02 12:47:35

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    I hate capitalism...
    v.v gruff f*ck you bucsh.

    ...Created 2007-04-29 22:41:02

    dotsJournal: MAJOR-CHANGEloldots
    Mood: pensive/anticipating

    I've finally had the time to read those creative writing guides I picked up, I've been meaning to do a little structuring, no I havent been posting, I'm aware, but there has been much forethcoming material. Honestly, I haven't been able to write for a week or more. I have a significant amount of ideas, that is not my "problem area", hoesntly it's finding the time and the motivation. I have been finding a few creative outlets, to keep the right going ;] but I can't say that has enabled me any more to sit down and do any real writing.

    I have what I call my 'streaming book', I write every thought that comes in the moment, no matter how seemingly insignificant. This may seem silly but it suerely relieves frustration and helps me do alot of very much needed sefl analysis.

    Speaking of analysis, I have been dreaming quite often, and quite elaboratley, though I have still not gotten around to interpreting them -.- as always. I think I need to give real value to my interests by making time for them despite my bursting schedule. Honestly, most of my time is spent chatting with my best friend and beloved boyfriend. It's a great delight to have them both, but I must say that it can be a burden on my creativity, though they are both very supportive :D Much love to you both.

    I am quite content, in the respect of everything. I am pretty accustomed to my life style now, and quite free within it to be myself, which is good. =p I've calmed down a bit, and decided to learn to let go a little more. Every psasing day is a better one, because I am closer to my new goal. I plan, now, to medical school, I am going to study neurology/psychology, I think I could do alot there, and I have always found it to ba an area of interest for me.

    It's going to be long, and stressful I can see that coming, but I've decided it will be worth it, I relize I was very set on being a professor and this was still so, until I realized that by doing so I was taking the route I found to be safe and stable, considering that I would be going to school further from home than I expected. =] but for good reason.

    I've also made a promise to myself, that I will complete a theatre course where I attend university, which most likely will be UF. I am dying to expand on that, but my school isn't all that active with it's 'drama program'. v.v

    I begin working in the summer, but plan to study for my SATs as well, seeing as I should be very prepared, getting into med-school will require a high score! It may seem like a very radical change to some, but considering how fickle I can be =p I think it's almsot expected. =] Well anyway, everyone's great, except for Ernest, oh poor him, I lost him in a tragic 'unoxygenated water' accident.

    I am determined to get someting done, writing wise that is, today. No matter what. But then again I have said that I would try everyday this week, so hopefully today I will come through for my poor pent up psyche. =p

    ...Created 2007-04-25 13:07:34

    dotsJournal: =]dots
    Mood: social/shallowly motivated

    There isn't too much to say.
    I have like no time to write,
    and when I get the goddamned time,
    I am totally unmotivated.
    I need to focus.
    Which is sounds great,
    but is apparently
    much more difficult than
    it appears.

    ...Created 2007-04-15 11:19:36

    dotsJournal: waffledots
    Mood: sweet/longing/resolute

    Holy fuck.
    There's is absolutely
    no way that this is happening.
    It's cursed I swear it.
    apparently the breaks were already
    given out
    before I got to the head of the line,
    last time I visit the tax department after 3!

    I have good && bad news. The good news is, ok I lied there is no good news. It's his last day here. I won't be seeing him for sometime. I can't even hear his voice & that's just wrong. I miss him already.

    I'm making mental prgress, meaning I'm daydreaming about and brainstorming about the play and the new piece I haven't have to time to write. Maybe that's what I'll do while he's gone, I'll take that time to take a writing break. I mean it was fluent last time I had to manage a terrible longing, lol I have to thank the Publix franchise for that. lol Irony. Anyway, I've bought a ton of new books, that I have not the time nor heart to read at the time. But I plan to go at my own pace, not the pace of my reputation as an avid reader. :)

    I decided the demand for motivation I was feeling was part of the roadblock to what's with my right brain this week. I think I'm just to busy sometimes, and my stream of consciousness is a little overactive, makes it hard to focus. But I'll be back on track soon, I'm looking forward to having time to write, but I hate how it's coming to me.

    I started writing this entry in a mood that could be considered a light melancholy, but something tells me that I have nothing to worry about. I know he'll be back, and it's going to suck while he's away, but be amazing when he's back. It's stability you see, that's the difference between every other "relationship" and this one. It's the constant in the expirement not the variable.

    Hope everyone's well, and running with their ideas and bursts of inspirations. Good luck with stuff.

    ...Created 2007-03-19 20:00:49

    dotsJournal: instabilitydots
    Mood: Hyper

    "Type two homophobia,
    the intense fear of monotony,
    I'm spontaneous,
    and stir crazy.

    I want to run through the sprinklers
    and go on midnight drives
    eat random things
    at random times
    I want adventure
    and to be experimental."

    ...Created 2007-03-14 13:01:19

    dotsJournal: !00% inspireddots
    Mood: motivated.content

    Currently reading: a starving artist by franz kafka (for the 1000000 time lol)

    I have been in a bit of a toil *cough* a stomach thing due to mcdonalds food poisoning, but for awhile I have had a possible title rolling around in my head..."in just the right light" it will be a two act production involving you guessed it a lot of lighting effects but since I am not set in stone as to the entire objective I am keeping most of the details a secret...I will say as it is almost dead obvious that there will be a play onn words concerning the titles relation to the premise.

    I have a few ideas for the setting. But it really is in its first stages...wish me luck, as I am extremely busy working on a the new book which I might add is still untitled...v.v and its a lengthy project so its being worked on in pieces as of right now I am making no progress. I am also trying out new styles or writing and a few new techniques which is helping me to keep up with my writing that's a little less long term and a littlee more therapuetic. Its going to be a lot of work and I really can't be sure when it'll all get done...but its good news either way!

    ...Created 2007-03-08 08:33:40

    dotsJournal: InRightLightdots
    Mood: satisfied/accepting/coping

    Listening To: 'DCFC-"Your Heart is an Empty Room"
    Current Theme Color: Ice Blue babby!! :P _Its a new fascination hehe._

    I'm still chuckling
    but it's good luck,
    coupled with bad news.

    It came as no suprise,
    and how this ended shouldn't have either,
    but its still quite a compromise,
    how have you been sleeping?

    I hope you're cradled like a baby,
    that I really do,
    because I myself,
    have been sleeping quite well,
    since I stopped sleeping next to you.

    This is one last shot of spite
    that comes out of my nature
    because I don't like to dwell
    on things wasted
    I'm happier than I have been
    in forever.

    And I hope you are too.

    (Readers don't ask, lol I was in a bit of a ranting mood after one day of, not bad, but interesting news, I laughed for nearly an hour, and genuine laughter lol...I'm still not sure, probably all the irony in it all. Well anyway..I have been doing some writing and I'm working on a two new plays, yes I'm back into my old business Anya the ever so peculiar and slightly trippy playwrite :) I have the best inspiration, he's the greatest. That I know is true. I'm going through phases but I think I've done all the drastic changing that I've needed for a long time. It's good to know the limits, and not wanting to break them!!

    I have been sick the last few poisoning. Max is still in the hospital, and my other friends are doing a little better, I got to school today, to find I had a ton of work due I did some, but I might not get credit, lol just my luck, but I figure my grades are well off enough that I can bring them up. Plus there will be alot of emergency grading so alot of busy work will be coming my way. I'm sure it will turn out fine.

    I'm nauseous and happy about it right now. :p I'm in a great mood despite everything, which is overall uplifting to my form of reasoning. I'm learning to express and less arrogance and more assurance, more confidence. I know that doesn't sound like it makes much sense but oh well.

    Wow these entries have been pretty loaded eh? But then again recent days have been kinda chuck full of amunition lol. I'm doing really well && I dropped more weight I'm not at 121!!! Yayy! Thats only 5lbs from my goal, I'm gonna get a job soon hopefully, and either way I plan to try and start ballet in the summer.

    I have some legal shit going down, about some past due case, that isn't even worth talking about, and its alot for me to handle but hey that's life. If life hands you shit, make a poo-poo platter. ;D cheesy I know. I see it going remarkably well actually, I mean not the fact that its happening but the result I see it going as planned && for once I figure if it doesn't, well its not the end of the world.

    Ok well enough with the long fucking I'm going to work on some new stuff now that I have the motivation, because we all know how fleeting it can be! lol Well good luck to everyone and I hope everyone is well...

    Anya + him<3= :D

    ...Created 2007-03-06 08:43:18

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: unsure/longing/nauseous

    Everything's unsure,
    I miss him,
    my phone battery died last night,
    I want to crawl into a hole,
    and make sure no one sees
    today isnt a good day,
    far from,
    but I'm sure I'll go home
    and give him a call
    and hear his voice
    and things might get a little better.

    ...Created 2007-02-28 12:48:05

    dotsJournal: Ill Ninodots
    Mood: blind euphoria

    It's getting harder and harder to ignore all the problems there are going to be coming for me & my mystery man. I know now especially since he's moving, it's going to be particularly difficult. I hope things will work out ok.

    I mean most of the time, in cases much like this one, one person moves, only to find something or someone new. And even if they do come back to the other, they still hold a slight regret and wondering, I'm sure.

    I knew the first moment that I he told me, that it was going to be disaster no matter how stable it seemed, I mean it was too good to be true. To say that things would remain almost nearly the same, it's true we dont see eachother as much as any normal couple would, but nonetheless he knows better.

    But thats life, I guess I just got hope for the best. I'll be here either way, so if it ultimately things just dont work then I'll...ok well I have no idea what I'll day. But I guess with or without my active participation life goes on. I'm just hoping it works out.

    I've been kinda broken about things lately actually, because we've been fighting quite a bit. Which is a major part my fault, I mean I've got issues what can I say, but thats not to say that there is nothing wrong aside from that aspect of it. Whatever, too much to get into...I'll be posting soon...

    Keep Well & Good Luck To All The Lovers
    <3 Anya

    ...Created 2007-02-27 07:57:26

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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