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    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    nobody likes me everybody hates me i'm gonna eat some worms...


    i miss everybody :(

    ...Created 2006-09-15 13:25:01

    dotsJournal: tripsittingdots
    Mood: Paranoid

    i never was afraid of death until i thought that you were dying. it was terrifying.

    you said you'd been up for five days straight. i looked into your eyes and believed it. i can't explain the hollowness there, the distance you were from yourself. i only saw you sleep for about an hour but it was the deepest sleep any human has ever endured. you were practically comatose. when you were awake you wouldn't eat and you chain-smoked for hours. you were picking away at your goddam fingernails until you bled. i asked you why and you said you just needed something to do. your movements were jerky; you realized it yourself and admitted 'i probably look like captain jack sparrow right now, but don't worry'. you were talking to people that weren't there and said there were eight people hiding, waiting to get you. you made me look all around the house, under the bed, in the closet, behind the garage. i looked in all those places and told you there was no one. you were so thoroughly convinced that i just wasn't looking hard enough. i couldn't talk you out of your hallucinations. it was frustrating. i wasn't mad at you, because you weren't you, not exactly. i didn't want to blow your high, i just wanted so badly for you to be safe. selfish of me, i know. i don't want you to die. i'm so scared right now.

    ...Created 2006-08-30 10:51:06

    dotsJournal: pigdots
    Mood: Depressed

    you just couldn't wait to screw everything up, could you? you had to create amillionandone problems in your own mind to justify thrashing everything good around you. you're disgusting. you do this every time. when will you learn? your perception of yourself is so deluded; you think you're an angel, a heavenly being somehow trapped on earth and endlessly tormented by mortals. in truth you cause your own problems just so you can wrap yourself in self-pity. you're a pig, a glutton for self-induced misery. you want to destroy everything so you have a reason to cry. you're pathetic.

    ...Created 2006-08-28 12:11:04

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    it's pitiful, the way i hide my heart from you
    i fear it won't work out between us
    and it'll all be a waste of time
    so i do my best to keep you at a safe distance
    but the truth is, in the end
    i'm wasting our time anyway
    and we'll end up parting ways
    because i won't share all the love i have to give

    ...Created 2006-08-25 09:05:19

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    i am endlessly, perpetually, eternally
    just an illogical, insane, irrational
    my greedy, selfish, insatiable
    make me unlovable, detestable, repulsively
    a beautiful, graceful, desirable
    hides that i'm endlessly, perpetually, eternally

    ...Created 2006-08-22 15:33:43

    dotsJournal: mehdots
    Mood: The Usual

    i was just kinda bored. a work in progress - no comments please.

    though your creamy complexion fade to gray
    i swear i'll love you still
    and your hearing fail so you hear not what i say
    i swear i'll love you still
    your hair may dull, your smile may wane
    i swear i'll love you still
    if your eyes close forever, and never tear again
    i swear i'll love you still
    should you lose your voice and your laughter grow quiet
    i swear i'll love you still
    and your limbs freeze up so you can't hold me tight
    i swear i'll love you still

    you're alive in more ways than there are stars in the sky
    but my love will keep growing long after you die
    i swear i'll love you still

    ...Created 2006-06-22 17:03:31

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Frustrated

    I let you in my biggest mistake
    I called off the guards and opened the gates
    I showed you around, shed light on my ways
    You said I could trust you as my eyes met your gaze
    I was blinded by love and I saw not your weapon
    You began to destroy me before I even felt threatened
    You ripped all apart my wants and ideals
    You gutted my thoughts and killed all that I feel
    For all that I cared for all of my world
    You made it all worthless with the insults you hurled
    I begged you relent then you comforted me
    With apologetic embrace; I again didnt see
    But you still had the sword and you thrust it inside
    And still looked so loving as I squirmed and I cried
    You twisted the blade while you kissed me so sweet
    Then smiled so calmly as I fell from my feet
    Your satisfaction more obvious as my body grew numb
    I know you were pleased at the corpse Id become
    Lifeless and cold, my heart beat no longer
    Disempowered me to make yourself stronger

    ...Created 2006-06-02 15:13:06

    dotsJournal: outer spacedots
    Mood: Overwhelmed

    i'm floating farther (further?) away into outer space.
    not so much floating as being pushed.
    being pushed by myself.
    the more i try to know, the less i know.
    the things that attract me repel me also.
    how can it be so?
    it just is.
    i feel more and more detached from the world.
    i want a hug.
    i don't want a hug because i don't want anyone that close.
    i want someone close so i don't feel alone.
    i want to feel alone.
    how can one person have so many conflicting ideas and ideals?
    she just does.
    even if someone enjoys my creations, we are still separate people. i can never become one with anyone. it's not physically possible. it's not mentally possible. it's not spiritually possible. i am a separate entity as you are a separate entity. i wish we could be one but we can't. i don't enjoy anything. what's wrong with me?

    ...Created 2006-06-01 13:26:14

    dotsJournal: confuseddots
    Mood: Confused

    my boyfriend wanted me to read this book called submission. i got to about the third page and i couldn't read it anymore. i put it down and cried. i feel like a prude, a wimp, an idiot. i cried because i don't care about sex the way the woman in the story did. i can't be submissive the way she was. i cried because i thought maybe there's something wrong with me. i cried because i think maybe that's how my boyfriend feels about sex - love is not involved at all. i'm still thinking about it. i don't know if i should be disgusted because there are people out there doing things like that, or if i should be disgusted with myself for being so judgmental about it. i'm upset with myself for being so ignorant, so naiive. i'm 22 and i thought that kind of stuff only happened in men's wet dreams. can't be though; the author's a woman. i want him to be happy, but i just can't do that. i think i'm going to puke.

    ...Created 2006-06-01 09:28:19

    dotsJournal: getting bet...dots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    ...ter all the time.

    today i don't feel quite as bad as i have lately. i found lots of new things to hold my interest. maybe it's only boredom that makes me feel blue. i love reading the writes of others, relating to them and gaining insight to the different ways people think. there's so much hate in the world, but here at es all i see is love and understanding. haven't yet been contaminated by the yahoos i guess. i hope it stays that way for a long time to come.

    ...Created 2006-05-31 17:14:31

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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