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    dotsJournal: I'm back...dots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    I know it's been a long time, and alot of things have happened and come to pass, but just look my page or check out the myspace blog for my entries and what nots...

    ...Created 2008-08-30 19:12:43

    dotsJournal: well...dots
    Mood: Relaxing

    Well i know it's been a while since I last wrote in here but life.. life's been! I really can't complain. I stll need spelling lessons.
    I found out a few weeks ago I'm having a son! Say yeah!!! But my hubby is leaving soon for the sand box. I'm gonna miss him. i love him very much. Well I'm gonna pass out now.

    ...Created 2006-10-29 20:26:52

    dotsJournal: the flip sidedots
    Mood: Sad

    well today was an up and down day for me. My husband is curently mad at what I don't know I asked him and he said nothing. Litterally he didn' answer. I haven't called my friends in a week, and I need to charge my phone. I found out today that my baby is a girl. SNd I traded words with a co-worker today... all in all my day was a sucky day in my sight but I guess a suitable one in someone elses.
    I don't get it. I so tired of him having mood swings. I'm the one who has to pee every thirty min. and i'm always hungery and I feel as big as a house. Not to mention my job seems to be fullof crap at times. to be honest I've been having a really crappy couple of months dealing with him and all the other crap that comes with him. My job. The baby. My friends. My family... just every fucking thing. And for once i least in my dreams I fel a distrought happiness...
    I go away to a place I've always found to be beautiful but woith someone I could care les about. And thento make all the worser, the dream always turns into a nightmare.
    I guess my only real escape is the knowledge Ihave that this too shall pass, he's deploying soon, and well my book that Ireally need to take back to the libary...
    It's by Ann Rice. I love her books and it seems like they have always been my only true comfort at times I wish I really could be like the character in her stories. The one I'm reading now is kinda like when I talk to someone to give them a better undrstanding. Or rathe here is the name of it-The Blackwood Farm. I know it's old but the first 12 times I've tried to read it I just didn't get it. DOn't know why it seems to stick now.
    I really don't know how to feel about things any more. just when I feel things in life are good something somewhere messes me over. give me that ilttle nudge that this is reality..and it bites. Then you die...all to which at the current to you -as in me-is unkown.
    YOu know what, I really just miss my grand father. I'd like to dream of him. Of all the times that were good inspite of my circumstance in life at the time. I miss that. That little shield, that wall of vauge security. The fake wall of constant protection and unknowing.
    Well at least now I have a clue to the feeling he had when my grandmother died...and eft me with him. I'd like to believe it was now what am I suposed todo with her?

    ...Created 2006-09-28 21:58:02

    dotsJournal: Ahh...dots
    Mood: Relaxing

    Okay...I'm now declaring the next 7 months to be"aww...screw it!" months... I feeel soooo relaxed. I'm only doing what is required. I no longer feel the need to go compeletly off. Which is a good thing. I'm also glad that alot of things are changing in my life and in the lives of others around me.
    I'm kinda sad about a few of those things like the middle east crisis. It makes me wonder about my husbands wellfare.
    I hate that he has to leave period.
    I'm also glad that I got some good feedback from the viewers here. now if somebody could answer my blog on yahoo 360 i'd be pretty satisfied...

    ...Created 2006-08-06 16:26:38

    dotsJournal: why the fuckdots
    Mood: God d@mnit!

    why in the hell is it that just when i think shit is going good...youknow what never mind.. it all make sense prfect sense... this content blender of rubble and crap is my life.
    You see to most people i got it easy. A husband who loves me, a good paying job, a wonderful home... things that people I know personally have killed , lied, are still lying, and steal-currently still in the act of that too- to get. Or so it would seem. I love my husband dearly you see. But I'm getting to a point of a great deal of non-understanding. A tv over food-or better yet a washer and dryer and the rent....All I'm gonna say on that. YOu be the judge.
    And at work. I'm prego(yeah!) go it's a little more of an adjust ment for me to get up and go now. Not to mention my clothes are getting smaller by the minuute... And today I got sent hom for wearing apersonal design -it was plain as hell. Actualky I was to told to go home and change and come back. I said fuckit... went home changed and took care of some much needed to do things instead.
    I decided to treat myself today with a meal at redl lobster. though my meal was great it got ruined. My supervisor called-but not abou the shirt, oh no... somebody messed with my time sheet and got mine mixed up with some other broads. So i suffereed a slight ass chewing until it was discovered i was set up... thus again withthe Godd@mnit!
    it doesn't stop there oh no... my husband all of a sudden got issued 877.27 on the 1st and the 15th of this month. How if the finance people didn't have the paperwork and if so ...Where the hell was it?!? i damn sure didn' tsee it... Unless he's holding out on me... I just don't get it. I'm not going to try. But with that being a constant issue i'm broke he's not....I've decided to fend for self. yeah I'm 3mpnths prego, my job pays by the hour...I'll be fine. just gonna worry about me. come time for bills pay for what i use and if they cut the shit off .. well Godd@mn it it'll be off...i don't really righteously care. use a friend. fuck it. i jus twanna know something is this shit going on to almost everybody..? or just me? humor me...somebody please.

    ...Created 2006-07-27 23:40:14

    dotsJournal: Anewdots
    Mood: Guess what!?

    Well this is a new and really over due entry. Alot has changed since the last time i actually wrote in here. I went bavk home to GA, I didn'yt even get to see any of my relitives; blamemy own stupidity for that. I know have a divorce undr my belt. My birthday has passed so I'm 21 now. I'm married to a wonderful young man now. He adores me as much as I adore him. it's great to be happy and iin love. Espeacially when it's someone who loves you back. AI'm also pregnant now. I'm currently 8 weeks. I've seen my baby's heart. and i feel it every now wand again. So i'm really happy now.
    I have a whole new life. I've fixed things for the majority with all of my family and I have a job that pays great and has grat benifits. ANd I have a wonderful boss. So Things are really looking wonderfullly up.
    I guess this is why I call this entry Anew. Cause I'm brand new.

    ...Created 2006-07-16 00:35:41

    dotsJournal: 12/8/05dots
    Mood: Thinking...

    I miss my friennds. Reality is really setting in on me. And to be honest I'm very torn. I have a lot of good oprotunities in front of me, I keep falling in and out of love with a person I'm suposed to spend my life with verses a person that I would love to spend just one more day with...just to let him know how I feel about him. And that I hate that I didn't say it before. and that I'm worried about him. But I'm sure he could honestly care less. I hope a good friend of mine who's in Iraq is okay. I worry about him too. And Well I'm realizing that life is really -or atleast my life is settling in on me and I have very little time and limited space on what I wanna do with my self. All in all I just want to be happy and I just don't know what to do. I need some guidance. I wish I could talk to Lt. James...damn I hope he's okay! God! I hate this! honestly I wish i had never left. But I refuse to bow to anyone. I now just have to finalize this chapter o my life...

    ...Created 2005-12-08 01:00:00

    dotsJournal: 1st daydots
    Mood: Rant

    well today's my first day at the site and well so far so good. can't really complain. It'seems interesting enough I just hope I remember the site. well Iguess here it's safe to tell what's really going on in my life-hell I guess it's safe to really speak on my life at this point.
    I've been diagnosed with depression. Truthfully I'm not buying it but hey if it works -f*ck it! I've got staff duty today... it's wher you basically sit around all day and twiddle your thumbs... that's the US Army for ya!
    I talk a lot of crap about my job but I am going to miss the damn place. And even a few of the people. But to be honest I really needed to get away, to get out of the army. It just wasn't my bag. and the only explainnation that I have for that would be my mouth.. that and their ragged traditons. I'm sure some ass is gonna say she's non patiotic-and i'll bet my ass in iraq that it's some idiot that has never served not one damn day in the service!
    Man I just have a lot on my mind. And I really really need a place to safely relieve myself.. and I guess this will have ot be it until I'm furtherly noticed. I guess I had better go now and start posting before i get too sleepy to think straight.
    Hell I'm like that alert though so I don't think it would matter.

    ...Created 2005-11-11 01:21:29

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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