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    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    all i got for christmas was acceptance and generosity

    ...Created 2017-12-26 11:28:39

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    all i want for christmas is a fucking lobotomy

    ...Created 2017-12-22 22:36:42

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    tired of

    tired of
    being alive

    i get so frustrated with myself.
    why arent i healed? moved on?
    have i not licked my wounds enough?

    when i explain myself or situations
    i feel as though i come off as fake.
    as if it is too well planned out,
    too accurate, too self aware.

    it is all of those latter things.

    i was so alone.
    all i had was time.

    time to reflect


    comb my memories and

    what do i know?
    yo no se nada.

    you go a little stir crazy
    stirring stir-fry
    for a baby Ry
    alone alone alone

    with dripping hydrocodone
    napping on the couch.

    i mean, to not remember my birthday?
    at all.
    or the things that i like?

    i had already buried all of this.
    hand to phogoth, this was a hatchet
    buried deeper than my regrets.

    punished for
    not agreeing, not enabling just
    a slammed door and
    see you -next tuesday? tonight?

    what a delight to
    fear the door lock snap open.

    i mean really, i dont think about it
    until I think about it
    but if you ask me?

    i am super upset over
    starting to cry
    in his arms last night

    how could you?
    how could you make me doubt love itself?
    how could you make me feel selfish
    for asking for something offered?

    I have to grow. I will. I wont be stopped.

    I am not selfish or bad for wanting things.

    I hope by this time next year,
    i actually believe that.

    I am loved. I will not be haunted.

    ...Created 2017-12-22 00:01:24

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    ive never felt
    more at peace

    than right now
    laying beside you
    in my bed

    ...Created 2017-11-30 11:53:39

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    i dont think ive ever
    been this happy before.

    genuine. pure. trusting. ... vulnerable.

    so vulnerable.

    ...Created 2017-11-16 20:27:48

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    im sorry for always repeating myself
    for not being succint

    anyone would be quick to jump and say,
    “yes, repetition is how they drive a point home”.
    i get it, and im sorry.

    it is soothing for me. i wish it wasnt.
    rubbing my wrists and finding balance,
    i wish i didnt.

    im sorry i am not stable.
    that i cannot offer much.

    i am sorry my laugh is loud,
    my affectionate words overly quiet.

    im sorry i always have to grab for a hand
    for comfort. that i am needy, and not forthcoming.

    i am sorry i am me.
    i am so, so sorry.

    ...Created 2017-11-12 12:32:57

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    admitting my feelings
    is loathsomely mortifying

    no amount of face covering
    can hide me from myself
    because ive tried.

    i glide through
    christmas borealis

    with white knuckles
    and an empty stomach

    for what, love?
    do i know the difference
    even when its staring me down?

    i dont know how to share myself.
    giving opinions. discussing things at length.
    it makes me feel exposed
    like my skin is peeling from
    second degree burns

    im trying

    stuff my palms into my eyes to quell the migraine.
    rub my forehead to wish away the anxiety.

    two more wishes?

    one? an early grave
    two? ...

    ...Created 2017-11-08 00:35:45

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    are you going to
    hold me over your head
    like a trophy?
    would this be enough of a memory?
    would you be satisfied turning and walking?

    im always waiting
    for a fist in a wall

    the other shoe to drop

    after being thrown

    im used to a violent home.

    im used to staring down at the carpet
    with my jaw locked tight
    as im forcibly being pried open

    im used to relentless pursuit
    constant hammering questions
    that rattle off my brow
    that peek over the blanket i cant get up from

    i am used to thinking i am crazy.
    afraid of confrontation
    but only safe in a strong offense

    i never stood a chance

    standing still as different people
    orbit through my life in their seasons

    never getting too close

    “you /never/ say yes to them,” my mother tells me.

    i want to say yes to you.
    it’s just,
    not what i’m used to.

    ...Created 2017-10-18 11:15:50

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    im worried about us

    our potential

    ...Created 2017-02-28 22:01:43

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    i woke up crying
    you held me close and assured me
    that everything was okay

    and all i could hear
    was your heart beating

    i was thankful

    ...Created 2017-02-25 12:45:33

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Cover written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Etiquette written by saartha
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves




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