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    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    are you going to
    hold me over your head
    like a trophy?
    would this be enough of a memory?
    would you be satisfied turning and walking?

    im always waiting
    for a fist in a wall

    the other shoe to drop

    after being thrown

    im used to a violent home.

    im used to staring down at the carpet
    with my jaw locked tight
    as im forcibly being pried open

    im used to relentless pursuit
    constant hammering questions
    that rattle off my brow
    that peek over the blanket i cant get up from

    i am used to thinking i am crazy.
    afraid of confrontation
    but only safe in a strong offense

    i never stood a chance

    standing still as different people
    orbit through my life in their seasons

    never getting too close

    “you /never/ say yes to them,” my mother tells me.

    i want to say yes to you.
    it’s just,
    not what i’m used to.

    ...Created 2017-10-18 11:15:50

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    im worried about us

    our potential

    ...Created 2017-02-28 22:01:43

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    i woke up crying
    you held me close and assured me
    that everything was okay

    and all i could hear
    was your heart beating

    i was thankful

    ...Created 2017-02-25 12:45:33

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    do i have your attention, boy?
    you're about to see something wonderful

    ...Created 2017-02-23 22:25:06

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    im strung out and tired and nobody cares

    ...Created 2017-02-23 15:35:59

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    now i just fear you from a distance

    how did my life unravel like this
    i cant even get my desk organized

    fuck you! just, fuck you!

    ...Created 2017-01-08 22:15:26

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    i sometimes forget about this place
    my safety net

    where i can be open and honest.
    where i choose not to be, still.

    but still.
    more honest than most times.

    ...Created 2016-05-04 23:39:54

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    after a while of using my hands
    they and my wrists get sore

    sometimes its the deep aching
    but usually it feels like

    there is glass
    inside the muscles and tendons

    and then it is hard to coordinate.

    theres a lot wrong and i dont
    like to publicly say it.
    everybody is so nosey and catty.

    ...Created 2016-04-16 04:20:07

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    i am this ever exploding
    and imploding star

    craving social interaction one moment
    shutting down the next

    except i havent felt
    the signs of decline
    for a long long time

    which is getting worrisome

    ...Created 2016-04-12 05:59:28

    dotsJournal: /////dots
    Mood: /////

    isnt that a particularly ES
    type of threat?
    'i could crush you'?

    i meant-- well, nevermind.

    really it's quite like
    "i'm leaving" or "i'm taking a break"
    yah. ok.
    that was soooo 2010,
    get with the times, honestly.

    ...Created 2016-04-05 04:35:58

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Carry written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Love written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    AI written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel




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    January 10 07
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