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    poetry


    dotsJournal: dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual

    read my webcomic, please!!

    http://www.drunkduck.com/MISFIT_ASSASSINS

    ...Created 2007-05-05 23:42:05

    dotsJournal: noooo!!!dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: I suck at life

    I'm dying inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    that's my mantra, and I probably mutter it too much, I feel like it's lost its magical emo powers, like a sharp piece of glass rendered smooth and tame by the ululating waves of the sea.

    I am, though! really I am!!!
    I wish someone would steal my identity. Identity theft seems the only way.
    who wants to be Kristen Gudsnuk? I'd gladly switch places, and then ruin your life too by my amazing sucking-at-life magical powers.
    whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
    I hate everything!
    I want to run away from home, but I'm not home, so I can't!!!
    I'll write a poem.

    once there was a girl named me.
    and she sucked at life, oh yes, did she
    and when her door was knocked on by opportunity,
    she was napping, and missed it, conveniently.
    and she whined to her friends and to strangers and such
    and told them her life sucked oh so very much
    but no one could see how such truths could be
    coming from an overprivileged youth (as was she)
    she wallowed in pity and cried, "woe is me!"
    she sat in the library underslept overworked
    if checking out youtube counts as exert-
    -ion, but kristen she wastes, such a wastrel indeed
    all the time in the world (yet it's time that she needs.)

    ahh bravo!!!

    read my webcomic!
    http://www.drunkduck.com/MISFIT_ASSASSINS
    plz?

    ...Created 2007-04-20 08:42:18

    dotsJournal: undepresseddots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: better, better, like I'm in remission

    well, now that debacle's over with. a sense of peace has infused itself into my life.

    so I'm reposting my webcomic links instead of talking about my "feelings". -.-

    http://www.drunkduck.com/MISFIT_ASSASSINS/
    ehh that's the only cool one.

    ...Created 2006-12-15 13:02:24

    dotsJournal: freewritedots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: feel sick

    I'm going to write my feelings down right now, and then try to move on and study.

    hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
    burning within me like alka-seltzer lodged in my throat like a thumbtack in my eye like a choking dolphin rage and I'm swept away by the tide, undercurrents and undertow wrenching me apart in so many directions that I dissolve into molecules like a textbook diagram this is an atom this is an atom, this is a kristen, made of many atoms, every atom here is wrenching heaving despairing and this is a covalent bond this is an ionic bond and this is a kristen bond by which I mean it's a flimsy bond that will likely dissipate in a week or two because she can make lots of friends but friends are like plants if you don't water them they'll wither and die perhaps you should pay Bob Newbie a visit if you don't want your friendship to extinguish (Sims? anyone? lol) and even though sometimes I feel immortal in the Alexander the great way, like I'm so much awesomer than anyone else out there, a blue sky that leads to the blackness of space, such are the reaches of my genius and no one else can even grasp it yet because all they see is a patch of blue, as if through tree branches,
    and sometimes I feel the opposite, like I'm a stunted deformed crack baby who reaches and tries tries harder than anyone else, but still doesn't get first, second or third place, not even honorable mention, just a normal worker bee, a drone, buzzing in my life and all I want is to be creative but I can't and even when people like what I do it's not enough because I don't like what I do or even if I do I get used to it and it gets to be old hat like a journal you buy because it has a pretty cover but you stop writing in it because you get used to the cover, you realize, it's not as nice as that other journal, and it starts the whole vicious cycle over again
    sometimes i wish I had a normal sleep schedule, then I could be diving into vast green oceans instead of tragically conscious like now.
    how can I be such a self-sabotager?
    and I failed at every goal I had for this semester.
    first goal was to do well in classes and now I'm going to fail this final and not make dean's list
    the other goal was to get a boyfriend and god knows that'll never happen
    oh I hurt
    but don't worry by tonight all this will go away
    not that I'm going to kill myself, haha,
    but rather, my exams will be over
    the end

    ...Created 2006-12-15 04:17:48

    dotsJournal: hi, I'm Dyingdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: DYING!

    Hello, I'm Dying, who are you?

    no honestly. it's 4:43. I can't sleep when I turn off the lights, but I'm too light-headed to study. I took aspirin, I took a shower, I ate a hot pocket, I feel like death.
    I don't want to move from where I am.
    I don't want to study.
    I have no grasp of the subject of my final tomorrow.
    I'm going to get a low F
    and F-ail the course
    because I'm a failure at anything that isn't art or english or spanish.
    and there are a lot of things out there that aren't art, english or spanish.
    I hate school, and I hate required courses
    I bet if my school knew the intense depression that comes from having to fill stupid science and math requirements, they would lower the requirements. No wonder why this school has such high suicide rates- I'm sure there's lots of people out there weighing their options: "can I force myself to study more? Is it physically possible to force this idiotic knowledge through my ear canal trying to make it stick to my brain?"The answer is no. Some people would rather end it all than study.
    But, but but but, there are about 9 hours more of this torturous torture, and then that fucking final is history. so if I stick it out and go the course, then maybe I can forget it ever happened, go to mind-rape counselling, and try to move on, try to enjoy life until the next set of hammer-to-my-skull tests.
    why why why.
    all I want is a cabin with art supplies and a typewriter. That's it! Nothing more! I don't want friends or family or money. Food and water would be nice, but are they even necessary? no.
    But the least necessary thing out there on this entire planet is aquifers.
    Can I please murder all the aquifers? I'd like to drain all the water from the ground, kill the ecosystem and bulldoze every mountain, so that Environmental Geology would no longer be a class.
    I'd like for all the phony Nostradamus predictions they make to be true. OH REALLY TEXTBOOK? I say. So we're going to run out of fuel in 50 years? So overpopulation will leave us with no space to live? So %50 of the species will go extinct? So global warming will melt the icecaps and flood the world? So be it. It's your funeral too.
    I hate whoever makes those stupid fatalistic predictions. Environmental Geology goes against every fiber of my belief system.

    And what is my belief system?
    I believe that anyone who complains excessively is worthless.
    I believe that you should never take chances. How many circus performers die yearly from falling off a tightrope?
    I believe that worrying excessively about things like extinction is for losers. Instead of being such a negative nancy, you should smile and think of the good things that'll happen in the next fifty years. If you're that worried about global warming, then do something, dammit, don't just blabber in your pseudo-intellectual dithering mindless cocky condescending way to the masses and expect us to listen to you.
    It may seem ironic that I'm complaining about complainers, whining about whiners.
    But you won't hear me complaining about a vending machine eating my money, or a restaurant's service, or a lack of seats in the metro, or having to walk home alone at midnight in an unfamiliar city where you don't speak the language. And I won't complain and whine about the environment.
    that's my tirade.

    ...Created 2006-12-15 04:03:04

    dotsJournal: promoooooooodots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: iorehjovniojrtgkvbi iio g;iozrnion an;ui

    hi! check out my webcomics!!!!!!!!!
    if you're going to just look at one, though, check out the first one. The second one is better-quality drawings but less cool by default.

    http://www.drunkduck.com/MISFIT_ASSASSINS

    http://www.drunkduck.com/Chibi_Misfit_Assassin_Cuteness_Warriors/

    ...Created 2006-10-11 08:40:44

    dotsJournal: zombie chan!dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: silly happy procrastinating

    OMG EVERYONE CHECK OUT THE CUTENESS THAT IS NOW MY ICON!!!!!
    IT'S... Chibi-Zombie!! His real name's Randall, but people call him Zombie because he's an immortal zombie. Aww... he's being emo/cute. ^_^ too bad silly Elite Skills makes me have a tiny icon. most of the cute detail work on his katana (sword) got lost in the shuffle.
    IF YOU THINK HE'S CUTE, BUY MY GRAPHIC NOVELLLLLLL!!!!!!
    hearts!

    ...Created 2006-09-27 18:34:12

    dotsJournal: hate the worldddots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: hate, hate it hate it, apocalypse please

    feeling a bit 'oh god why,
    oh cruel world
    why why why
    cruel, cruel world' right now.
    feeling judged, like a zoo animal, completely uncovered and vulnerable and unable
    to survive on my own
    feeling little and silly
    people laughing at me, and I hardly understand why
    and I thought I was right but if I'm
    the only one who sees the truth and beauty there
    then does it really exist?
    or is it a phantasm of my vanity?
    I feel so so judged
    left and right, like an assaulter with a bat is
    pounding me till my skull's a bloody pulp
    and I never want to talk again
    (or else wham! ouch! blood-spattered,
    how can I cope with always being wrong?)
    and I never want to write again
    (or else wham! aah! I'm stupid stupid stupid
    and I'm just showing my idiocy off to people
    whenever I write)
    but why is it that I feel smart? like pure spring water
    when I have an idea it seems so fresh
    so real, so indisputable
    and then fucking humanity has to ruin it for me
    with its blunt, careless honesty
    with its forced half-smiles half-concealing hatred
    well fuck you world. you hate me? you think I'M stupid?
    (I take it seriously for a moment, reel in horror/pain from this blow of rejection, rejection, rejection, over and over)
    maybe if I believed in the superiority of those around me,
    I'd go crawl into a hole and live a droning creationless life
    but I know from some pulsating egotism within me that I'm better than everyone else,
    or if not,
    at least I'm not worse than everyone else.

    ...Created 2006-09-21 08:18:31

    dotsJournal: bratjadots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: pensive and sad, with some isolation

    keep listening to the song Bratja over and over again. It's so pretty, with the lonely piano, and it just makes me think such sad things. Mostly about things not working out when they should. About people left behind and forgotten, about being so far away from what you really need, that it seems like gravity itself is your enemy and if only you could escape from it, and from the cruel flow of time, then maybe things would make sense. Why is it that it feels so good to feel sad? This mourning feeling, like digging a pitchfork into the tenderest folds of my heart, but all I want to do is wrench it around more, and FEEL. Think about missed opportunities. Of walls and mirrors and love deflected. Of insufficiency, of envy, of needing revenge, but having no one to avenge and no way to feel satisfied. Looking up into the stars and knowing, with a soft sadness, that this world wasn't meant to be yours. That isolation of knowing that everything would fit, and happiness wouldn't escape in clouds of dust and sunlight, fading through the darkening air, if only you had been born elsewhere.
    Knowing that in the mind there exist worlds far superior to this one, but knowing that only asleep can you actually feel the reality of unreality.
    And thinking, is there anyone who would do anything and everything for me? Who'd sacrifice for me?
    Is there anyone I love enough to sacrifice for?
    Is there?

    ...Created 2006-09-17 04:52:28

    dotsJournal: your momdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: agotada

    anime club meets at 730 tonight. but I'm so tired. kendo club meets at 9 tonight. and I'm really tired.

    ...Created 2006-09-12 17:18:39

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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