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    dotsJournal: lamemanstermsdots
    Mood: Misc

    Some Fun With Lamemansterms

    * Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
    * If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
    * Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
    * If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
    * Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
    * If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
    * I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
    * So what's the speed of dark?
    * How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
    * After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
    * Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
    * If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
    * I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
    * Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
    * Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
    * Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
    * When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
    * If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
    * Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
    * Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
    * Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
    * How come abbreviated is such a long word?
    * If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
    * Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
    * Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
    * Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
    * Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
    * Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
    * If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
    * If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
    * What would a chair look like if your knees bent the otherway?
    * If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
    * Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
    * When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
    * Do fish get cramps after eating?
    * Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
    * Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
    * Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
    * If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    * When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
    * Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
    * Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
    * How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
    * If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
    * Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
    * Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
    * Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
    * Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
    * Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
    * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    * Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
    * What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
    * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    * If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
    * Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
    * Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
    * Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
    * I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
    Hope You -n-joyed them-
    happy holidays from lamemansterms

    ...Created 2007-12-20 05:58:06

    dotsJournal: Days-Gone-Bydots
    Mood: The Usual

    My latest music project has been going well and the name of it is The Homeless Millionairs. Yea I know it's spelled funny. So yeah Guilt Riddance is still above water and pretty much The Homeless Millionairs is the same guys with a few exceptions. So yeah ya want a cd hit me up---Lt

    ...Created 2007-12-19 11:26:17

    dotsJournal: fudots
    Mood: The Usual

    fuck it all!

    ...Created 2007-06-18 12:49:38

    dotsJournal: UN-ordinarydots
    Mood: Dead Sexy

    Nothing from the pages of ordinary here, I met a girl on line believe it or not and for those of you who know me know that this was definitely not expected or really even something I would welcome but I think I am in love with her and she is moving in with me on the 10th........crazy stuff, I must say but I look forward to the day and can't wait to see where this may take me.....wish me luck!


    ...Created 2007-06-06 13:00:49

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Hi, Diana
    You sexy fukr

    ...Created 2007-04-22 15:48:45

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Hi Diana,

    ...Created 2007-04-19 20:32:13

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Hi, Diana

    ...Created 2007-04-19 20:31:20

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: custom mood -ha

    why post
    when nobody reads
    why not sin
    cause nobody sees
    why smile
    while everyone wears a frown
    should I?
    thought this was the elite
    maybe I'm Charlie Brown
    good grief!

    ...Created 2007-04-03 13:07:39

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Ya know I have been thinking maybe I was haste to say I am done here--I could never leave elite, who am I kidding?--I'll be around, Love ya all

    ...Created 2007-02-13 09:05:59

    dotsJournal: the enddots
    Mood: The Usual

    I think I am all but done here. I have found another site that suits my needs better. Elite Skills was where I re-discovered that I trully do have a passion and some might say talent for this writing thing. And for that I am gratefull. I owe it all to Jimmy and eliteskills. I will check in from time to time but for now I will be writing on another site. If you need me please don't hesitate to email me.
    Some of you I will be contacting with the sites name I will be at. If anyone else would like to know the name then please email me orleave a message here.
    thanks Jimmy

    ...Created 2006-11-02 17:28:37

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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