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    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    It is such a glorious occurrence when your love and adoration for something can grow from where you previously thought that no growth was possible. It is similar to a mother grasping her newborn child in her arms knowing that she could love her child no more, because surely the human heart cannot contain such quantity of emotion; only to wake the following morning to realize what she previously felt was shadowed by her newfound love. This is what has happened to me, in a way. I thought that I had given all I could to my music. I had nothing left to offer, I had laid my heart on the line and my music had always been there, always loving me even more.
    I sat in the practice room today, sweat dripping from my brow, working harder than I ever had before, when a realization hit me that what I felt was only the tip of a glacier in the ocean. While still enormous in itself, it does not even compare to what is below. Today I discovered what it is below me; I fell in love with music again. The experience revived me and made me whole again.
    For some time I had been questioning why I played music. Why I would give so much into something, without promise that it will work out. I found the answer today. The truth is, it is because I can everything I have to my craft, and that won’t ever be enough. Everything I give to my love, it can give back to me. And yes, it can be frustrating, just like any relationship. The difference is however, that as long as I have faith in my music, it will never let me down. I have poured every part of who I am into this relationship, to the point that we cannot be differentiated. And right now I would have it no other way.

    ...Created 2008-10-07 04:58:51

    dotsJournal: selfishdots
    Mood: Thinking...

    There is nothing wrong with it. Nuff said.

    ...Created 2008-10-06 21:22:13

    dotsJournal: hmmm....dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Well lets see.............................................................................................................. that's about it

    ...Created 2005-11-15 18:45:05

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Dead Sexy

    Today, Brothers and sisters in Christ, I come to you in deepest solitude. I have made a mistake. Although it is natural, dare I say accepted, from our Brothers and Sisters in Christ that sin is all right in the eyes of the Lord. This is not true. I have learned very hardly the difference between being forgiven and being allowed to sin. Scripture makes it very clear that we are to lead Godly lives. I have not been doing that, as much as I hate to admit it. None other than Christ himself has encumbered me with delivering this message to you. He spoke to me in the silence of my prayers. Even though I did not hear his words, I knew what he was saying. He told me that I needed to share with the Christian community my mistake. But more importantly, how I have begun my journey to restore my faith and growth in him, in hopes that rest of you might learn from my mistakes.

    For nearly three quarters of a year, my relationship with Christ has been on a steady descent. I had begun to loose interest in what he did around the word. My relationship with the Almighty God of Old had reached a valley, in which I felt that without rejecting him completely, I could not sink any lower. I mocked him every time I took communion. Like spitting in his face saying, “I know what you did for me God. But let me tell you something. I might pretend to be sorry. I might put on my Christian face. But in all reality, I could care less about you and your rules.” Although these words were never spoken, my heart spoke them, and God read them loud and clear. Today my heart mourns over what I did. How could I do that to the very God who died in my place?

    Like I said, my relationship with Christ had begun its descent nearly nine months ago. More precisely when I entered into a relationship with another girl. I do not feel comfortable to dismiss the name of this female though. Slowly but surely she became the primary focus in my life. I shoved God to the side. I told him, “I love you God. But do you know whom I really love? I love this female more than you. Don’t get me wrong; I’ll always love you, just I love her more.” What I did was I pushed God out of life. I put him on my bookshelf. So whenever I needed him I could just open him up and he’d come to the rescue. Now, Brothers, I wish he hadn’t come to my rescue when I’d called him time and time again. I wish now that he would have left me out to rot, so I’d learn from my mistakes. He never did though. I became dependent on the fact that I would always be forgiven. I never made a bigger mistake.

    As my relationship with this girl became more and more involved I continued to push God out of my life. Four months into my relationship I wouldn’t have been surprised to say, “Jesus who?” There were times, however, where Jesus would call out to me and remind me of what he did for me, but within days I had forgot all over again.

    It wasn’t until today, March 16, 2005, when I took the chance to pray to my messiah. The feelings I experienced were indescribable. My heart didn’t know what to make out of the feelings. I lost myself in prayer, asking and begging for forgiveness as more and more sin surfaced. When I was finished I listened, not wanting my connection with God to end. It was then that he told me everything he needed me to do. This passage was revealed to me: Ephesians 6:10-20. So it is with this passage I leave you. God be with you and forever be a servant to his mighty word.

    Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
    18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, 19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

    ...Created 2005-03-17 14:38:04

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