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Journal: Lost
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I've lost myself.
I've lost my touch.
I've lost my friend...
the bloody knife.

I've lost the pen.
i've lost my mind.
I have lost myself. and all i want is to meet myself again... and never leave.

...Created 2006-06-19 21:14:04

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For so long, i have had a terrible writer's block. I have not been on here very often, but i feel that i should come back to this place... i need to let myself meet me again. i have gone... i have drifted... there is a fear. a fear for everything... but i feel that writing is my only escape... it has been my life and done so much for me in the past... i miss it.

...Created 2006-03-01 18:28:36

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I have some extremely sad news....my dog died on Halloween night....he got hit by a car...he died in my arms....fighting for breath. I am crushed. He was a show dog, so happy and playful...it hurts thinking about it. My chest hurts b/c i have cried so much...well, i am going to go now...

...Created 2005-11-03 15:19:34

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well, for those who care...I have the internet now. I am so at ease now...i guess...well anyways, i feel better with it now...so i guess i am going to see what all has gone on around here...bye for now.

...Created 2005-09-27 02:19:57

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back...again and yet still for the moment. we still don't have internet access at the house. i am at the library now...but i hope we get our internet soon...this is really upseting me...goodbye for now.

...Created 2005-09-17 14:38:18

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well, i am back, for only the moment though. we still don't have internet acess at my new house. we will have it in a few weeks though. so i will be back on soon...i am on a friends computer right now, but yea...when I get access i will be back on everyday! Fun....i guess. well i got to go...

...Created 2005-09-07 17:57:07

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For those who find themselves upon this journal entry, or for those who should care, i will not have access to this site for a couple of weeks...so...yea...i won't be on. i might be able to get on once in a while, but i doubt it. Well, it is still boring here...i have to go find something to do now...like eat...i am hungry.

...Created 2005-08-14 05:58:18

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Well, i got my license yesterday (8-9-05)...i woke up at 6:00 in the morning to do it, and after that, had a headache all day...and...umm...well...it is still boring here...well, i got to go be bored now...

...Created 2005-08-10 05:26:17

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Well...it is still really lonely here. I am moving...to the middle of nowhere. In a way it sucks, but afterall, it is secluded, somewhat...at least i won't have to deal with the stupid ignorant people like i do in this subdivision. But i guess the worst thing is that i am forced to switch schools again and start my life over again. Every two years of my school career, i have switched schools. Forced, every time, to start over and make new friends. This time, i am just going to give up. I am not going to bother making friends...I know it is going to tear me up, but hey, i really don't know if i can get much more fucked up than i already am. I am so ashamed of who i have turned out to be. I fear now that i won't be able to change...This pain, will follow me throughout my life...

Not only am i going to go to high school, but i am going to college to. Not because i really want to...whatever i have to do to make my parens shut up.

Well, i want to say more, but like i said, i am too ashamed...

life is a bitch, and i have dealt with it. now i wonder what death would be...Paradise, i asume...

...Created 2005-08-02 23:20:26

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sigh...i am so alone...sometimes i hate myself, for being so dark...it drives people away...not everyone, but i don't make friends with people in my neighborhood...i scare them...not to say that i don't have friends, but they all live far away so that we can't hang out as often as i would like...anyways, it sounds kind of childish to me...but it gets really lonely here. it is nice to be alone sometimes, but if you are alone all the time, it drives you insane...i don't feel like doing anything...i can't ever sleep, when i want to anyways...i don't know...i just want to die...i am getting tired of life, and already too tired to care anymore.

sometimes, i see kids walking down the street or riding their bikes, talking and having a good time...enjoying their summer...and it kind of makes me sad, because i used to be like that...like 5 years ago...sometimes, i wonder whatever happened...why am i like this, so dark and hostile...i don't think that i deserve to live like this...it does nothing for me but make me weaker in will than i already am...

another sigh...
another tear...
feelings of regret,
shame
anger
i want it all to go away...

...Created 2005-07-16 22:28:48