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    poetry


    dotsJournal: Newdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Smitten

    I've found someone.
    someone amazing and new.
    i enjoy this feeling of being smitten.

    ...Created 2009-12-08 20:26:27

    dotsJournal: Back To Itdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Conflicted.

    so im back from basic.
    and i have a few things that i've done since i've been back.
    a story.
    and a rhyme/rap/poem type of deal.
    im still working on stuff..

    now im about to do something that i don't usually do.
    im going to randomly spill shit out to people online that usually don't care whatsoever anyways.

    so since i've been back. i've heard alot of shit, some of it involving this girl that i was in love with for forever, we had a relationship that didn't even last a year, and yet it was the closest and most comfortable relationship i've ever been in. it's been real fucking hard letting go of her. and i don't think i ever fully will. but either way i heard that she's been sleeping around with some really sketchy guys, and she was a virgin when i left...
    before i had left i was not really on speaking terms with her, to put it in her words i was pretty much an arrogant prick. but now we're talking again. and yeah i of course get a spark of hope with that. but it's whatever because i know she's with someone right now, and i wouldn't want to mess up anything that is good in her life. she doesn't really have the best of luck with just alot of stuff in life. so i'll deal with the remnants of my love for her silently and wait my turn. but i really want a second chance, honestly.
    we were supposed to hang out not too long ago, and i was going to be as respectful as possible when we did. by not bringing our past up and just having fun spending time with her for the day. because honestly those were the times that i loved the most in our relationship. i loved the cuddling alot (and the stuff like that) but the days that stick in my memories as being the best, were the ones where we'd just walk around town talking. or hang out at my house on the couch watching a movie. i miss the way she used to be dearly, because she's changed so very much in just the past year or so. but i know now that if im ever going to get that second chance im going to have to get used to the way she is. and i've accepted it at this point. however used to it is something i still have to work on.
    i have no idea what she feels for me. and as long as she's dating someone, im not sure i want to know, because i don't want her to still have feelings for me and have it distract from her current relationship. because honestly he's a nice guy, i don't really approve (i don't think i could approve of any guy when it comes to her) but he's at least better than some of the guys she's let get into her pants.
    meanwhile while i'm sitting, watching, waiting. (yes jack johnson reference) i have a couple of girls that are really into me, and they want to hook up. but it really doesn't feel right. i mean i'm going to give them what they want, its not like i really have any chance of getting what i want, so might as well help others get theirs.
    there's a leftover lingering pain of things that could have been, and could come again. i try not to regret anything but my one regret in school was letting her get away.
    i know that eventually she'll probably see this. and frankly i don't care, and in a way i kind of want her to, and i want her to let me know that she knows. because im fucking tired of holding it in. hell she may already know anyways, but she just doesn't say anything, and that bugs me.
    i miss her alot.
    her touch. her smile. the feeling of her hair running through my fingers. just being able to tell her i love her without worrying what she'll say. i miss her energy, her youthfulness, and her kiss. i miss being able to hold her and know that she wants me to never let go. i miss looking into her eyes, and seeing that part, that only i know.
    and im alright with just having that for now. that knowledge of her in a way that nobody else does. because no matter how many douchebag guys know her body, they don't know her soul as i did. It's my trump card.
    Hearts Are Trump.

    ...Created 2009-11-18 00:23:39

    dotsJournal: Here Is Gonedots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: I won!

    So basically.
    I'm Gone.
    For The Army.
    Won't Be Back Until Late January.
    and i like it that way.
    Pce Out.

    ...Created 2009-06-12 18:36:52

    dotsJournal: An Updatedots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Fuck My Life

    ------------------------------------

    So, My 18th birthday was february 25th.

    and instantly, i have underage girls flocking to me.
    all wanting to date me.

    where as a month or two before hand.
    i didn't even exist.

    although one girl does stand out in the crowd.
    we won't get into that.

    fuck my life.

    ------------------------------------

    other than that, not much has happened.

    i actually just spend the last while.
    looking through my old journals.
    the ones i kept.

    and it's funny how your priorities shift so drastically.

    _____________________________________________

    it sucks, because everyone in my life lately.
    has been moving on, without me.
    even my best friend, and ex-(whatever we were).
    has moved on.
    and basically isn't sure if she loves me anymore.

    i mean, we were so in love.
    but i've gone from thought #1 to barely there at all.
    and i know that it's life.
    but it still fuckin sucks.
    considering that it's happening to me.
    with every one of my friends.
    simultaneously.

    i'm being left behind for whatever life they want to live.
    and so be it i guess.
    not like i'll really be able to see them all the time.
    considering the army and all.

    im not even sure if i'd want some of them at my funeral if i die overseas.
    because its basically every day that i think about what i've left to do before i go.
    and before i die.
    and before i leave.

    i just don't have enough time really.
    not enough at all.

    i have no idea why i'm spilling all this crap.
    but i need to i guess.
    before i just fucking disappear into the nothingness.

    whatever tho.

    ...Created 2009-03-25 10:44:24

    dotsJournal: Newdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual

    New Poem, Check It Out.

    ...Created 2008-04-03 20:16:02

    dotsJournal: Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Thinking...

    I Had Some WEIRD dreams last night, one of them was a reoccuring dream, and the other just kind of scared me, because it involved me getting in a bight fight with my girlfriend.
    which we never do, we have heated conversations, but never like a yelling and screaming fight... i woke up at like 6 this morning after having that dream and i reealllllyy wanted to call her, but i couldnt because it was 6 O'clock in the fuckin morning.

    but yeah, so im tired, and im going to go play guitar hero to calm my nerves.

    ...Created 2008-03-09 11:13:02

    dotsJournal: 17dots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Paranoid

    i turned 17 today.

    its kind of annoying. because people think they all have to wish me a happy birthday.

    however. the thought is nice.
    today wasnt tho.

    i usually hate my birthdays.
    because stupid shit happens on them.

    ...Created 2008-02-25 17:57:42

    dotsJournal: Long Nightsdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: Betrayed

    I Hate When I Get Like This.

    Seriously.
    Im Up All Night, Thoughts Running Through My Head.

    And Im Forced To Write Them Down
    So 'Your Mistake' Came Out.

    'Unbeknownst To Me' Is From A While Back, Before The Incident

    ...Created 2008-02-21 22:27:43

    dotsJournal: newdots
    -------------------------------------------
    Mood: The Usual

    i should have a new poem up sometime soon.
    i kind of felt like writing the other night, so i did.

    so something new when i get off my ass and type it up..

    ...Created 2008-02-13 22:45:17

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore

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    January 10 07
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