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    dotsJournal: Newdots
    Mood: Smitten

    I've found someone.
    someone amazing and new.
    i enjoy this feeling of being smitten.

    ...Created 2009-12-08 20:26:27

    dotsJournal: Back To Itdots
    Mood: Conflicted.

    so im back from basic.
    and i have a few things that i've done since i've been back.
    a story.
    and a rhyme/rap/poem type of deal.
    im still working on stuff..

    now im about to do something that i don't usually do.
    im going to randomly spill shit out to people online that usually don't care whatsoever anyways.

    so since i've been back. i've heard alot of shit, some of it involving this girl that i was in love with for forever, we had a relationship that didn't even last a year, and yet it was the closest and most comfortable relationship i've ever been in. it's been real fucking hard letting go of her. and i don't think i ever fully will. but either way i heard that she's been sleeping around with some really sketchy guys, and she was a virgin when i left...
    before i had left i was not really on speaking terms with her, to put it in her words i was pretty much an arrogant prick. but now we're talking again. and yeah i of course get a spark of hope with that. but it's whatever because i know she's with someone right now, and i wouldn't want to mess up anything that is good in her life. she doesn't really have the best of luck with just alot of stuff in life. so i'll deal with the remnants of my love for her silently and wait my turn. but i really want a second chance, honestly.
    we were supposed to hang out not too long ago, and i was going to be as respectful as possible when we did. by not bringing our past up and just having fun spending time with her for the day. because honestly those were the times that i loved the most in our relationship. i loved the cuddling alot (and the stuff like that) but the days that stick in my memories as being the best, were the ones where we'd just walk around town talking. or hang out at my house on the couch watching a movie. i miss the way she used to be dearly, because she's changed so very much in just the past year or so. but i know now that if im ever going to get that second chance im going to have to get used to the way she is. and i've accepted it at this point. however used to it is something i still have to work on.
    i have no idea what she feels for me. and as long as she's dating someone, im not sure i want to know, because i don't want her to still have feelings for me and have it distract from her current relationship. because honestly he's a nice guy, i don't really approve (i don't think i could approve of any guy when it comes to her) but he's at least better than some of the guys she's let get into her pants.
    meanwhile while i'm sitting, watching, waiting. (yes jack johnson reference) i have a couple of girls that are really into me, and they want to hook up. but it really doesn't feel right. i mean i'm going to give them what they want, its not like i really have any chance of getting what i want, so might as well help others get theirs.
    there's a leftover lingering pain of things that could have been, and could come again. i try not to regret anything but my one regret in school was letting her get away.
    i know that eventually she'll probably see this. and frankly i don't care, and in a way i kind of want her to, and i want her to let me know that she knows. because im fucking tired of holding it in. hell she may already know anyways, but she just doesn't say anything, and that bugs me.
    i miss her alot.
    her touch. her smile. the feeling of her hair running through my fingers. just being able to tell her i love her without worrying what she'll say. i miss her energy, her youthfulness, and her kiss. i miss being able to hold her and know that she wants me to never let go. i miss looking into her eyes, and seeing that part, that only i know.
    and im alright with just having that for now. that knowledge of her in a way that nobody else does. because no matter how many douchebag guys know her body, they don't know her soul as i did. It's my trump card.
    Hearts Are Trump.

    ...Created 2009-11-18 00:23:39

    dotsJournal: Here Is Gonedots
    Mood: I won!

    So basically.
    I'm Gone.
    For The Army.
    Won't Be Back Until Late January.
    and i like it that way.
    Pce Out.

    ...Created 2009-06-12 18:36:52

    dotsJournal: An Updatedots
    Mood: Fuck My Life


    So, My 18th birthday was february 25th.

    and instantly, i have underage girls flocking to me.
    all wanting to date me.

    where as a month or two before hand.
    i didn't even exist.

    although one girl does stand out in the crowd.
    we won't get into that.

    fuck my life.


    other than that, not much has happened.

    i actually just spend the last while.
    looking through my old journals.
    the ones i kept.

    and it's funny how your priorities shift so drastically.


    it sucks, because everyone in my life lately.
    has been moving on, without me.
    even my best friend, and ex-(whatever we were).
    has moved on.
    and basically isn't sure if she loves me anymore.

    i mean, we were so in love.
    but i've gone from thought #1 to barely there at all.
    and i know that it's life.
    but it still fuckin sucks.
    considering that it's happening to me.
    with every one of my friends.

    i'm being left behind for whatever life they want to live.
    and so be it i guess.
    not like i'll really be able to see them all the time.
    considering the army and all.

    im not even sure if i'd want some of them at my funeral if i die overseas.
    because its basically every day that i think about what i've left to do before i go.
    and before i die.
    and before i leave.

    i just don't have enough time really.
    not enough at all.

    i have no idea why i'm spilling all this crap.
    but i need to i guess.
    before i just fucking disappear into the nothingness.

    whatever tho.

    ...Created 2009-03-25 10:44:24

    dotsJournal: Newdots
    Mood: The Usual

    New Poem, Check It Out.

    ...Created 2008-04-03 20:16:02

    dotsJournal: Dreamsdots
    Mood: Thinking...

    I Had Some WEIRD dreams last night, one of them was a reoccuring dream, and the other just kind of scared me, because it involved me getting in a bight fight with my girlfriend.
    which we never do, we have heated conversations, but never like a yelling and screaming fight... i woke up at like 6 this morning after having that dream and i reealllllyy wanted to call her, but i couldnt because it was 6 O'clock in the fuckin morning.

    but yeah, so im tired, and im going to go play guitar hero to calm my nerves.

    ...Created 2008-03-09 11:13:02

    dotsJournal: 17dots
    Mood: Paranoid

    i turned 17 today.

    its kind of annoying. because people think they all have to wish me a happy birthday.

    however. the thought is nice.
    today wasnt tho.

    i usually hate my birthdays.
    because stupid shit happens on them.

    ...Created 2008-02-25 17:57:42

    dotsJournal: Long Nightsdots
    Mood: Betrayed

    I Hate When I Get Like This.

    Im Up All Night, Thoughts Running Through My Head.

    And Im Forced To Write Them Down
    So 'Your Mistake' Came Out.

    'Unbeknownst To Me' Is From A While Back, Before The Incident

    ...Created 2008-02-21 22:27:43

    dotsJournal: newdots
    Mood: The Usual

    i should have a new poem up sometime soon.
    i kind of felt like writing the other night, so i did.

    so something new when i get off my ass and type it up..

    ...Created 2008-02-13 22:45:17

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD




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