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    dotsJournal: Hacked?dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Seriously? The worst you could do was delete my work? That's okay, I have it backed up in thirty thousand other places. Anyway, be a better hacker next time. Also, I'm glad to see that (whoever it was that did it) you're too much of a sissy to say who you are. Good luck with your other hacks. I'm not a good target to get upset, sorry.

    ...Created 2009-11-13 20:42:14

    dotsJournal: Mommyhooddots
    Mood: In Love

    I'm finally a mother. Alexandra Ava-Marie Russo was born on June 19th at 4:13 in the morning. She was 8 pounds, 1.4 ounces, and was delivered by emergency c-section. I had a fever, her heart-rate was spiking, and she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice. Fortunately, everything turned out well. Mr. Daddy is proud of his little girl, too.

    Go there for pictures of her with her daddy.

    ...Created 2009-06-24 21:21:27

    dotsJournal: It's a . . dots
    Mood: Yeay!!

    It's going to be a little girl, after all. : ) I'll find a way to post pictures!

    ...Created 2009-02-18 19:20:15

    dotsJournal: Newsdots
    Mood: In Love

    I haven't written anything for a long while (and I apologize for that). If you couldn't guess, I've kind of had a lot of things going on lately. My fiance and I (Salvatore, for those not acquainted) are 'expecting' in the summer and making official marriage arrangements for this winter. Yes, the sarcastic snappy bitch is going to be a mother. We're not sure of the gender yet, but we've already agreed on names: Alexandra Ava-Marie Russo and Salvatore Robert-Cato Russo (structured after the father's name, which is hyphenated similarly). The new surname is, obviously, Russo. Short and sweet, I'm very excited. He's chattering about getting married on Christmas and he's trying to make arrangements, but we're definitely shooting for the winter-time either way. I'll keep you guys up to date and post pictures when anything new develops, we find out the gender, or I get any fatter (ugh). . .

    Hope you all have a happy holiday. I know I will.

    ...Created 2008-12-16 13:14:23

    dotsJournal: Absencedots
    Mood: Overwhelmed

    Sorry for my absence, guys. There's been a lot of shit going on lately that's made me unable to write or submit work or even comment. This summer I moved into my own place with my boyfriend. I'm finishing out my last year of high school, which is a pain in my ass. A few weeks ago, a friend passed away---mortem conscivit ipse sibi. I also don't have my own computer, unfortunately; I use the class computer. Messages are appreciated. I'll try to start writing again when things settle down.

    ...Created 2008-10-01 13:05:38

    dotsJournal: Snow Felldots
    Mood: Sigh...

    Snow Fell

    He sat in a room
    In a square the color of blood.
    He'd rule the whole world
    If there was a way that he could.
    He'd sit and he'd stare
    At the minarets on top of the towers,
    For he was the beast
    As he hatched his new plans
    To gain power.

    And the snow fell,
    Covering the dreams and ideals.
    And the snow fell,
    Freezing the blood and the wheels.
    And the snow fell,
    They had to keep warm for survival.
    And the snow fell,
    And defeated the beast's only rival.

    They took the old roads
    That Napoleon had taken before.
    They fought as the forces of light
    Against the darkness in a holy war.
    One day they were looking around
    At the sun shining on the cold flowers;
    The next day they were freezing to death
    In the snow and the ice cold showers.

    And the snow fell,
    Covering the dreams and ideals.
    And the snow fell,
    Freezing the blood and the wheels.
    And the snow fell,
    They had to keep warm for survival.
    And the snow fell,
    And defeated the beast's only rival.

    Then came the deadly road back
    From the steps of their retreat.
    The cold racked their bodies,
    But worse was the pain of defeat.
    Many people who had hailed them once
    Now turned and looked away.
    These people now knew
    That the beast was on its way.

    And the snow fell,
    Covering the dreams and ideals.
    And the snow fell,
    Freezing the blood and the wheels.
    And the snow fell,
    They had to keep warm for survival.
    And the snow fell,
    And defeated the beast's only rival.

    You finally came back
    To the borders of your fatherland.
    Now enemies came,
    Traitors everywhere at hand.
    Many people had fought and died
    Knowing that they had to win.
    Yet, still it sickens my heart to see
    The picture of the red flag in Berlin.

    - Saga

    ...Created 2008-04-21 21:45:09

    dotsJournal: Bored.dots
    Mood: Bored

    I've been really bored and generally unentertained lately. My comment ratio is ridiculous and I think I got tired of commenting for people that never return it, so I'm going to sit here and be bored.

    People should come to chat and be funny, and stuff.

    ...Created 2008-01-31 19:55:01

    dotsJournal: Smoke and Firedots
    Mood: Thinking...

    What does it mean to be human?

    I don't mean human as a species, but as a philosophy. Often we use the terms humane and inhumane to describe fair, kind treatment and unjust, cruel treatment. They both find home in the root 'human' (from homo, homonis - man, human). We can see simply in these that there is a certain angle from which man tends to view their precious species; we are supposed to symbolize and represent the principles of honesty, justice, kindness, and compassion. The world of man is a subjective one; as children we tend to view things in an objective manner, as they happen, with little thought or personal analysis attached to any incident. But as you become older you experience more things, and you connect them, and create your own perspective of the world. So everything I see now I attach an opinion to. Much to my dismay, this causes the darker side of my humanity to show and causes me the everpresent human traits that people never truly understand, such as suffering. But the ultimate suffering is dependent upon the person feeling it; we can only judge by what we have experienced, and by what is conceivable to us because of that -- "water cannot understand / the suffering of land. / You'd go, too, / if you only knew."

    I am in love with a man who knows none of the beautiful things about me.

    Does he know that when I fall asleep at night, I dream only of his arms around me, his hands on my face, his lips on my lips? Does he know that when I wake up early enough, I burn incense and meditate on my life? Does he know how I like to walk around the house, barefoot, drinking tea and watching the snow? Does he know how I like to walk when it's cold and try to make his name with my breath? Does he know that when I look at the stars, I would always wish he were looking at the same ones? Does he know how much anger I have put aside to simply have him in my arms, to inhale his scent, to kiss his head, to feel his hair in my fingers? Does he know how I would watch him sleep, lips gently parted, hands beneath his head, hidden from the cold and from the world in a soft blanket? Does he know how I would kiss his face, touch his hair while he slept, and whisper 'I love you, beautiful. More than you could ever know.'? Does he know that I would wish at night that he would someday be mine, to wake up to every morning, for his face to be the one I kissed awake and kissed to sleep?

    I am in love with a man who will never love me.


    I stand, two feet firmly planted in rough carpet, facing my shelf. I am breathing in rhythm and tightening my stomach away from an imagined center point. The scent of black narcissus drifts from my burners; the smoke washes over my face and dusts it with some warm comfort. I feel the silver wisps embrace my body and push my hands outward toward the burning candles. I feel their warmth on my fingertips; raw, uncorrupted energy flickering and bound for my purpose. It's red hot with anger, and the smoke wraps around it as it tries to settle its rage. When my breath stops, the fires obey their indirect but absolute command and stand at a still. I breathe in; the smoke, burned flowers and oil, fill my lungs and mingle with the air I need to live. But I question if I am truly living at all; and even then, I actually question nothing. For at the moment, all thought is irrelevant. The fires do not think; love does not think. They do not second guess, they do not question. They simply are, and they are one in the same. Love is fire. I am fire.

    I feel my hands become cold as I pull the energy into my center; it settles at my ribs, waiting for its unleashing. I pull my hands together and direct their palms down, tips meeting at the center of my belly. This is the center of my function, my kundalini, my sexual chakra, my passion and my anger quiet for now. I am pushing them down, supressing them, and allowing them to find eachother. I part my hands and lift them, palms up, fingers relaxed. I watch my left one, passive and hanging, as it lifts above my shoulder in unison with its companion, and my eyes, as if I have no control over what I do; but I do, because I have free will. The raging energy lifts from my spine to my plexus, to my heart. The beat, rhythmic with the soul spilling of another; the vocals of middle eastern men and their sitars, their drums, their flutes, and their enlightened and uncomprehensible voices. I feel the pace quicken and I have forgotten to breathe. I bring my hands at a center at my shoulders and push down, fingers meeting once more; some eternal and unbreakable lock which again supresses the swirling and entangled energy, calms it, and unleashes it again. As my hands lift, I feel the energy burst from my core and fill me with some necessary warmth. I am making this world for myself, this utterly undisturbed concentration I have placed myself in, to forget what it is to be human. I am one with the fire and the smoke, who don't know what it is to be human; they know neither suffering nor pain. They only know freedom and greed. And yet, like me, they live; they the fire breathes the air and dances, its joy tossing the unsuspecting smoke over my hair and arms.

    I am not human right now. I am pure.

    Right now, I am smoke.

    Right now, I am fire.

    ...Created 2008-01-15 20:38:36

    dotsJournal: Eh.dots
    Mood: Depressed

    Apparently I'm single again. Vince dumped me last night around 10:30. I think I'm done caring. I'm not sure I should cause myself so much grief over somebody who will never love me.

    ...Created 2008-01-12 13:14:36

    dotsJournal: La da da.dots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    I haven't been around very much and have posted barely anything. . . .

    Really, it's not that I haven't been writing at all, but anything I come up with I don't really deem good enough for ES. Funny to think, though; I've posted my old almost emo poetry here, and yet the work I've done lately is even less interesting and well structured as that. I hope that goes to say something.

    I will probably get back into the swing of writing sooner or later, but I'm much too tired and worn out from studying and being a girlfriend at the moment.

    Hope you all had nice holidays, though. I got hammered. What about you?

    ...Created 2008-01-05 18:30:13

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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