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dotsJournal: More than I am.dots
Mood: Heavy-hearted but defined by hope...

Its strange to me how you can be both the hand that shows me where I am so constantly going wrong, and the voice that is endlessly whispering, "I love you."

To whatever extent it is possible, let this heart be yours...

...Created 2008-10-05 05:07:58

dotsJournal: The Heart is...dots
Mood: Desperate for the world to know...

The Heart is a wilderness to which no one has yet drawn an accurate map.

Our hearts find themselves in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Nothing in this world will ever quench the hunger inside us.

Our hearts know how to long because something deep in our bones knows that we were made for more.

Our hearts cry out for Him.

I don't know how else to say it.
I don't know what I should do to prove the importance of this to you.
If I should dance a dance for you then so be it.
If i should sing and play...
What must I do to get you to c onsider Him?
To look to christ?
To forget about yourself for long enough to find yourself in Him?
If you think me a peddler of lies and manipulation...
I apologize for all the times that you have seen and heard lies about this Yahweh God.
I am no fool...
And I have not theological debate to contend with you.
All I will say is,
I have experienced something in Him that nothing in this world can explain.
And my heart aches that you might know Him too.

...Created 2008-09-02 21:53:45

dotsJournal: Failed Attemptsdots
Mood: Wishing I could get it out...

Its easy to invision the years, but its hard to live up to the minutes.

...Created 2008-08-31 13:34:58

dotsJournal: Ordinary Radicadots
Mood: The right kind of dis-content

So this journey is a wild one. I mean, life seems easy wehn you think about it in large-scale events. It's not really the years that get you. It's the minutes that challenge everything we know. This past week has been filled with struggle for me. And the hardest part about it is that none of the struggle is visible to the human eye. The battle I face is within me.

Anyway... today has been a good day. I met up with one of my team memebers on campus and heard that a couple friends of mine were at this free concert a few buildings away. So i walke over there to check it out. The band was really good, they're called, 'Take No Glory'. So after the concert I was meeting some of the members and hearing their stories about the 12 month tour they have just been on all over the United States and even spending a short time over-seas. It was in his stories that something hit me.

He todl stories, amazing stories about how God had done miraculous things for the band and its members while they were on tour. Radical stories... I mean stories that make you want to scream, "Liar!" But I don't think he is lying... and it makes me wonder...

I mean, what about those other people who are moving out for God? Those groups or even individuals who are trying their best to reach out to the world and to live their lives for Him? What about the ones whose van breaks down and no one shows up? Why didn't or doesn't God do that for them? Why do some people have this amazing stories of provision and healing, and all kinds of craziness, and others are just barely getting by?

And what about me? I mean, I have stories too... lots of stories about the miraculous ways God has moved in my life and shaped my journey. But how can I live like that everyday? How can I live on the cutting edge of Faith and Trust when everything is so neat and orderly? And I mean, come on.. I can't just be some radical waling the halls of a public high school... my mission is to reach out to the high school students of Fort Wayne, Indiana, and to tell them the amazing story of true and real life in Christ. How can I live boldly and passionately, and full-of-faith, in this context? How can my life be an example of a life abandoned for Christ?

I want to live not just the 'years' for him. But it's the minutes that pose so much challenge. There are 24 hours in a day, and I want all of them to be lived in passionate worship of Him.

Help me God.

...Created 2008-08-29 18:23:31

dotsJournal: Temper-Tantrumdots
Mood: Frustrated without reason...

Has life ever been going great and yet you still feel empty sometimes?

What the hell is wrong with us..

Sometimes I act like a selfish little kid, and it drives me insane.

...Created 2008-08-28 01:18:39

dotsJournal: dots
Mood: Learning, Understanding, Growing...

There is nothing sweeter in life than moments of intimacy with my Creator. And though I, in my sinfulness, flee from him and his truth so frequently, I am always met again with open arms.

There are no words.

...Created 2008-08-18 21:04:38

dotsJournal: Conversations.dots
Mood: Pondering

Is the ability to express yourself a major key to discovering personal Identity?

...Created 2008-08-13 15:23:10

dotsJournal: Disposition?dots
Mood: Joining the Conversation...

Thoughts on Christianity._____________________________

God taking on flesh is God becoming more than a distant idea, it is God transcending the gap between philosophy and reality. Christianity must take on this same form in order to function in the same way that Christ has revealed himself to us. (John 1:14)

Here is a thought from my journal the other day:

"...I don't want these kids to leave here with a mental list of "Things" they can go home and "Do". instead my prayer is that they would be changed at their core, that their natural disposition toward Life and God would be forever altered to represent exactly what God began in us so very long ago..."

Ideas and Philosophy are the beginning, but what I know my own heart, (and I believe the heart of the Church), is desperate for is not a new exciting "list" of spiritual disciplines that we guilt ourselves into. What we need is not to muster our strength and tighten our boot-straps, what we really need is deep authenticity and honesty before God, that he may transform us at our core in order that the very nature of our being may be re-cast into the perfection it was intended for.

We need to forget everything we ever thought we knew about God. And be washed over with his words and his spirit as if for the first time.


...Created 2008-08-06 21:00:44

dotsJournal: Timber Wolf dots
Mood: Desperate to change the world

It's been awesome so far. Being in Michigan at this camp is amazing. I love being around so many other people who have truly understood who Christ is and how freeing and amazing that is. Back home I spend my days reaching out to those who either haven't heard or have been indifferent to their hearing of the Gospel. It is a wierd battle that we fight, trying to tell the world the truth about a God who has been manipulated in so many ways. It's no wonder this is so hard. Everyone thinks they know 'exactly' what God is like without ever taking to the time to truly seek him for themselves.

We are fools, who think our uneducated opinions hold much weight. The matters of Christ, of God, of Life and al its reality are not to be taken so lightly.... but how can I tell the world about a God who isn't liek their imaginings? It seems almost every endeavor is met with the echoing bullshit that so many others have shouted in haste. Why is God constantly seen as either a tyrant or insignificant?

Indifference is the greatest enemy the Gospel faces.

Well... I supposed I have sounded a bit heavy here, but I just needed to get some things off my chest I imagine.


...Created 2008-07-20 02:23:26

dotsJournal: Long Drivesdots
Mood: Excited and Encouraged

Camp was absolutely amazing. I am so excited to see what the coming months are going to bring.

We got home on Saturday night around 11:00 PM, and I got a phone call around 12:00 AM from a friend who needed a ride back to the camp I had just driven home from. He needed a ride at 8:00 AM the next morning.. lol. I hope you can see the picture here, I just spent a week with a group of 45 high school students and I was worn out for sure. But Ryan is a good friend and so I told him I would go.

His friend Anna was going to drive their and I would drive back. The cool thing is, for a few months now I have really been hoping to get to know Anna. We met once last december and I was really intrigued by her, but it had never worked out for me to ever casually get to know her at all. So when I found out that it would be she and I riding home I was really excited to see how it would go.

Let me just say that that conversation that she and I had was so refreshing! It has been almost a year since I have connected with someone like she and I connected. We talked the whole time, and it was never once awkward or forced. If nothing else, she reminded me that there is hope, and that girls like her do exist. I am just excited to have a new friend, someone that I really understand and that understands me.

It took me a couple hours, but I worked up the courage to ask her out later this week. She said, "Yes"...

...Created 2008-06-23 13:57:36