-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI feel like changing my journal, but I just don't know what to say exactly.
I could rant how about this person or that person annoys the hell out of me, or how this and that pisses me off- who really cares, though? You read it all before, and my last journal basically summed up my hatred towards humanity....Created 2010-04-04 14:30:27
|Journal: I want to dream|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Can't take it..I'm sick of this world, I'm sick of life itself. It's not fun anymore, I have nothing to look forward to in life, and yet I don't want to end it, because all that is waiting me in death is NOTHING! No, don't even try to spew your lies and bull shit about "heaven", because I wont believe ANY of it. Religion is a product of Man, we created god so that we would have hopes to cling to about an afterlife that doesn't fucking exist.
What beauty that is left on this world is slowly being destroyed by Man. We are a disease. It doesn't matter how "nice", or "caring" you may be, because you, me, and every other hairless ape is a virus.
We come to lands lush in natural beauty and tear it apart with spade, axe, and hammer. We tear it all down and replace it with the dull and ugly constructs of human design.
The world outside my window is always gray. I stay cooped up in my room, trying to cling to a false, virtual life, because the real world depresses me to no end. Am I a loser? A geek? A person with "no life"? I honestly could care less what I am. The ignorant masses of the world have created such titles to give themselves a since of superiority, because apparently being equal is boring to them.
Man is naturally selfish, Man is naturally greedy, Man crave power, I've heard these sayings many, many times before. At first, I didn't believe them, but now I'm beginning to think differently. What's the point of power? It never lasts, and all you will do with that power is drain the life and happiness from another being until the day you die.
I grow tired of life itself.. I find myself more and more wrapped up in my fake worlds.. Oh, how badly I wish they were real.. I find that I am depressed after I watch a movie, because in those made up worlds life is exciting, it's different! ... And yet, I'm reminded that it's not real, it's only a movie..
I wish, I wish.. I wish that I could just.. Remain in my dream worlds for all of eternity. I don't want to wake up and force myself through the real world..
I just want to lay in bed all day and all night, and dream. I just want to dream.....Created 2010-03-28 18:21:43
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI'm pissed off.. Hell, I'm pissed off nearly all the time. Why? I don't fucking know.
I'm almost completely anti-social at school, I don't make eye contact with anyone, hell I avoid it as much as possible. Every time somebody gives me a funny look, or does something that irritates the fuck out of me ( Which is practically everything they do) I just feel like beating their fucking faces in.
I wish I could, but I can't. I don't have the strength, I'm just some thin, weak, pale outcast.
I use to have quite a few friends, but that soon changed when I realized how fucking annoying my friends are. I don't even try to communicate anymore, I just want them all to piss off.
I especially hate that one bitch who only talks to me when she wants to "BURROW" something of mine. She owes me forty fucking dollars, and she is still "BURROWING" my microphone. I hate people like her, I really do.
Oh, and that other chick who is always calling me "Depresto", because apparently I'm depressed all the time.
No, I'm sorry, I'm not emo, I'm not depressed, I'm just fucking lazy as hell, and whenever I'm bored I love to take a nap. But, NOOOOOO! Every time I lay my damn head down somebody has to yell "PRESTON IS ACTING EMO AGAIN!"
I. Will. Fucking. End you......
Then there are the people that make me boil with rage, and resentment just by looking at them. Those are the types of people that I just want to die. I want them to disappear and to not show their face around me, I scream in my mind as loud as I can, because I'll just look like a retard if I scream it out loud.
... So much fucking angry.. Maybe I do have "anger issues"....Created 2010-03-27 01:20:35
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI haven't been in a ranting mood lately, which is odd, though I often suppress it. I'm more pissed off at myself at the moment.
I just hate how.. Quiet and anti social I am, I'm always afraid to walk up to people and try and strike a conversation. I'm hardly noticed, I'm just that one kid that sleeps in class all day. I try really hard to keep myself awake, but no matter what I do I just pass out. It's frustrating.
I especially hate how I'm always in the area between sleep and awake, since I'm just sort of limp in my chair, but also swaying a bit. I probably look like a fucking retard. I even sometimes wake up all startled and what not which usually involves me jerking my arms are legs, and making a brief but dramatic scene. Most of the time I'm not noticed though, thank god.
I'm starting to think that school literally bores me to sleep, since even when I feel wide awake I just pass out in the middle of class..
In fact, I feel like taking a nap right now....Created 2010-03-24 14:27:41
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI notice that the littlest things irritate me, like the people at my school for example. They don't talk to me or anything, hell I'm glad they don't, it's just when I listened to their conversations my eye starts to twitch.. I don't even know why I get so mad, I just do.
My school is filled with rednecks, and I don't give a shit if you like those types of people because I fucking hate them with a passion. All I hear them talk about is trucks, hunting, trucks, riding horses, more trucks, and did I mention the trucks? I think I did. I don't even know why I get so frustrated.. I mean, it's a pretty stupid thing to get all mad over right? I guess it's how serious they take it, and how I use to hear two guys fighting over which truck is better and how they think that they're superior to you in every way because they are who they are. Drives me fucking crazy..
"Hey bob what kind of truck ya got?" "Oh I got this here toyota v30890434 with the strong engine and this and that this that this that this-
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
... Just fuck the world, and all who inhabit it...
Well, except for a few people.
Okay, I'm done with my pointless ranting now....Created 2010-03-16 14:11:40
|Journal: More rambling|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI hate those questions that ask you "Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?" I'm sorry, but I can't see that far into the future. I honestly don't fucking know where I see myself in that period of time. The best I can put down is that I'll still be fucking alive, doing the same shit every day...
Yeah, spending ten more years laying on my bed with my laptop and doing NOTHING. I just don't have any real motivation, for some god damn reason I just don't care.
And yeah I know I should care, because if I don't I'll wind up as some bum living on the streets. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen. My mother tells me I'm screwed if I don't get a scholarship, my father tells me that there is always hope, and every time I bring it up with my mother she just crushes those hopes and replaces it with the same god damn thing she has been telling me every chance she gets to lecture me.
Oh how I hate the lectures..
"You don't understand!" I hear those three fucking words all the time. Does she think I'm retarded? Excuse I'm sorry, but if I say that I under stand- I fucking understand. I don't need you to explain to me the same damn thing that you have been well, explaining ever since I was thirteen. I. Fucking. Get. It.
I just don't care..
No, I'm serious, I don't care. At least, at the moment I don't. Perhaps when I'm sleeping on the streets I'll start to care, but then it will be too late....Created 2010-03-16 00:52:41
|Journal: A dream|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI couldn't sleep last night. No idea why. This isn't the first time it's happen, and for some odd reason these are the type of nights where I remember my dreams more vividly.
I remember in my dream that I seemed to be living within a technologically advanced empire that was ruled by a dictator. I was but a young lad that was assigned the duty of cleaning the floors within the great hangar that held the crowning achievement of the empire; a massive airship. It was the same airship that the empire used to gain dominance over its' neighboring countries, and thus forging an empire. Ever since then this air ship had been temporarily 'retired', for the great leader thought that they no longer needed the mighty machine.
I and a few others assigned duties within the hanger whom shared no love for the dictator, plotted to take the might airship and use its' powers to assist the rebellion and therefore overthrow the oppressive dictator.
The plan went into effect, the airship was taken, and after an epic battle against the empire's ground forces we finally made it into the lands that were free of the empire's clutches.
And yet.. That is where the dream stopped. I wonder.. I wonder what happened to those brave young lads, I wonder if they ever succeeded in their plan.. Perhaps we shall never know. ...Created 2010-03-15 16:22:01
-------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual"People change", somebody once told me. I sometimes wish that people did not change. I sometimes wish that I didn't change so much, and yet at the same time I wish I could change even more.
I was told that I'm an ass, and yeah perhaps I am. I'm brutally honest at times, and I'm just tired of holding my tongue when someone does or says something that just flat out bothers me. I'll be nice to the people I like, neutral to the people I don't care about, and not nice towards the people I dislike. You don't like it? Well fucking deal with it. I can't play mister nice guy all the time, and in some cases acting like a nice guy only gets you ridiculed by some of the douche bags on this site. So yeah, I suppose I'm an "ass". Wait, you don't like it? Tough.
*Sighs.* Perhaps it's just a "phase".. Who knows.
I also dislike it when other people change.. A few people on here I used to consider my friend, but I don't if it is because of my past actions, or if they just changed themselves, we just drifted apart. Conversations between these people usually involve only a few words, passive aggression, or that person is just ignoring me outright.
Don't know which I hate more..
But eh, that's just how things are I suppose. Slowly but surely I'm drifting away from this site and all the wonderful people that I use to be friends with.. ...Created 2010-03-14 00:12:58
|Journal: More rambling~.|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualI dislike the heat, though I don't really know why. I don't like the cold as much either.
I think it's because I've grown fond of wearing winter clothes? That I don't like to reveal my legs and what not?
Gee, this is kind of weird to type, but oh well.
Anway, Spring is here, and I'm not too happy about it.
I'm a lazy son of a bitch, and I just know that people will be asking "It's a beautiful day out! Why don't you o out and play?" I don't want too, I don't really feel like going outside. I like sitting on my ass all day and doing shit that doesn't involve running around. Yeah, I'm that lazy.
But, I'm trying to get a job at a local gardening center that involves carrying boxes of flowers and working outside all day. I'm going to have to change my lazy ways, and I need the money....Created 2010-03-12 14:34:44
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualWe cling to false hopes and dreams, hoping that the reality of it all shall not crush us. We seek happiness, but the world around us is becoming more and more grey. We are losing our grip.
We created him- he created us. A paradise that exsists only within our minds.
We can have as much faith in it as we want, we can convince ourselves that it's real. We will never know.
Those who have fallen are floating in a vast sea of nothingness, but we don't know. Paradise.
Your hopes will be dashed, and your dreams will shatter, but we shall continue to cling. We'll lie to ourselfs; we shall say "Everything will be alright".
Converted into an oblivious state, our minds decieved and stuffed full of self-inflicted lies and foolishness.
Perhaps it is for the best.
"Ignorance is bliss"....Created 2010-03-11 00:54:30
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.