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    dotsJournal: No Surrenderdots
    Mood: At War

    There is no right answer to a question asked at 2 a.m.
    There is something so wrong about dangling hope in front of someone like a carrot to a horse, and then ripping it away in the heart of the night.
    I refuse to surrender/My soul is not mine to give, and my words are more a part of me than a mother with her child.

    ...Created 2011-02-20 13:12:05

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Dead Sexy

    Alrght, so I am working on getting my groove back.

    ...Created 2010-11-01 21:14:11

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Brain Fried

    Every time i sit down to write my mind goes blank.

    ...Created 2010-10-10 11:09:03

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    And so. Time gives way to a flurry of ink and inspiration.

    ...Created 2010-03-22 22:38:39

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    Seeing him breaks my heart. I try to tell myself that this is right, and for the best. It's not. Every time I see him, hear his voice, I lose it. I still love him, but I can't ever trust him. I think he has a new girlfriend. We've both said and done too many things to take them back. You know how bad it is? We were trying to recncile, we talked for weeks. I had to tell him that I had sold our wedding rings. He told me it was ok, that I deserved better. He is such a changed man, but he always is when we separate. Then withing a couple days or weeks it goes right back to the same old shit. How can I believe that he won't go back to how I was. And if he doesn't, why wasn't I good enough, important enough to make him do it before. I asked him to go to rehab and you know what he told me? He told me hell no. I love him, and I always will, but that is why I had to do it. If I had stayed one of us would be dead. I want to remember him like this, today forever. He is still not the man I fell in love with, but then I still don't really know who he was either. One day I hope he can forgive me, and be at peace. I will love him until the day I die.

    ...Created 2010-03-18 23:45:01

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    the spirit has moved inside of me,
    there is this thing, this epic of all epics growing and leeching and trying to break through but i am locked up so tight it can't escape i can't ease it into existance. i try to breathe and can't because this thing is lodged so firmly in me. i wish it would just hit already, the flurry of paper and pen that furtive scratching of the preoccupied writer. nothing will be okay again until i can make the words right, the phrases come to life but I dont even know what they are

    ...Created 2010-02-20 19:39:49

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    I am angry and I am confused and I have decided to take it out on you. So many voices, so many choices, no righ answer. How do you know what you missed before its already too late. How do you know when enough is enough and when it will never be enough. How do you rip out your own heart, and its the best thing for you. How can you possibly decide between your future and your love. How do you choose when you know that one will beat you down and destroy you and make you feel like shit and hate not only them but yourself and yet if you go with the othe choice you will be just as miserable. How. Answer me motherfucker.

    ...Created 2010-02-06 21:24:16

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    feels like love is trench warfare

    ...Created 2010-02-05 23:29:52

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: The Usual

    moving on, moving up, moving through it

    ...Created 2010-01-26 21:18:01

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: anguished

    so this is harder than i thought but not as hard as it used to be. i wonder if i am making a mistake and which decision is the right one and i am hoping im not throwing my life away and i hae given so many tings so many chances and i dont know how many is too many and i cant stop thinking that i am running blind and the cliff is only like ten feet away
    i am in love and that wil never change but the relationship is so far gone that i wonder if what we have is worth salvaging or if deep in my heart the choice is made and im just kiddng myself
    i am wondering how i can make it through another nigt alone when all i want is to be held in warm arms that seem so far way but how can i let him back into my life when i cant evn trust him to give a straight answer for a question ive asked a dozen times all he does is evade and i feel so stupid but i dont know why and i feel like... i dont know how i feel i am so confused and so close to giving in and giving up
    but thats just not me i dont like to be alone and i hate to be stuck in ine place all the time and i can feel the restlessness in my bones and in the way that i think about far off deserts with nothing to hold me back and how lovely would it be to srart all over somewhere no one knows my name and my history is just ashes in the wind and no one can find me unless i want them to
    i want to believe but i fnd myself questioning the truth of the tinest detail and tht doesnt bode well
    but i dont have the strength of will to say no to anyone i ahve always collected strays and he is just another stray out in the cold that i feel sympathy for and want to save but you can only do so much before they have to want to be saved want to be better for themselves
    someone told me i have to love myself first and lately i havent loved me very much i want so badly for this nightmare to end and wake up in bed with my sunshine but i cant and i dont know if i evr will agsin

    ...Created 2009-12-29 22:52:15

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bond written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    This written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Incubus written by monad
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching




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