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    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Thinking...

    This, alone has changed my life. A quote from George Jung, one of the largest, most successful cocaine dealers to ever hit America. Counterpart to Pablo Escobar. Brought down and taken to prison.

    "So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door left to get back in. I'll grant you, I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there, and now there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door."

    ...Created 2006-07-23 02:10:46

    dotsJournal: Beaten Bloodieddots
    Mood: Thinking...

         Life and love beat my brain like tribesmen to a drum. My heart panders in a million directions, but not a map is shown. A destitude line drawn in the sand shows me only what not to do, but can my mind really resist? The pleasures of the forbidden tug at my shirt tails and grab at my every thought.
         Pain hath made her face completely clear to my tangled web of a tragic mind. Hate is a word for only the ignorant, but my heart cannot lie, and therefore is mindless. O, my bleeding ignorant heart, do you cry for love? Or do you cry for the mistress, pain? Make your choice, and make it clear, for true love knows no mistress.
         I have stumbled into snare after countless snare, and my ankles are beaten and bloodied severely. My lover has left them to catch me about, which leaves me to ponder her good intentions. She skinned me live, and sold my pelt. A small fortune she made off my exploitation. She doesn't care, because my lover loves not. No, it must be, my lover loves not.

    ...Created 2006-02-17 15:24:26

    dotsJournal: O, Journal!dots
    Mood: In Love

    The great and maniacal beast knocks once more upon the threshold of my heart. O, the pages of my journal are set alight with her great and evil presence, but once more do I pen her name. Love, yes, love, is this wicked temptress supreme. Mark Twain once quipped "Tis no sadder sight than a young pessimist." Nay, do I agree with him. I have found a more depressing, more melancholy sight to behold: A lover's heart dejected. This, my friends, this is the mouth of the raging river, Sadness.
    As I searched for the words not fit for a queen, my failing hands shook as if the earth itself quivered. My stammering ever the more apparent as my stomach recessed further to my toes. Pure terror gripped my body with a great and powerful force. My mouth grew dry as I grabbed at words not made for my love. The seconds passed as hours and time itself came to a halt. Then were uttered the words I had known only too well.
    Each new word hit like another bullet. Every word, most of which I could have predicted with accuracy known only to the astrologers, seemed to pick me up and throw me into the wall. I gathered as much courage as possible to carry on conversation, but, overwhelmed, I decided it best to retreat and nurse my wounds. I now knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that my love had been arrested, tried, and sent to the gallows. My love was truly NOT my love, but the love of some-body else. O, journal! O, journal, who now to stick by my side? Who now to confess the secrets of my soul? O, journal, who now? Who now?

    ...Created 2005-12-22 11:41:59

    dotsJournal: Maybe in Timedots
    Mood: In Love

    Fate happens to be the ultimate temptress. She comes in all various assortments of shape, size, and emotion. Fate hath rapped fiercely upon my door. I am only so afraid that I won't open the door. Or maybe that knock, who I so completely believe to be fate, is only some pestilent child playing toy with me. That maybe, just perchance, that door will be pulled back and thrown with such great force, only to slam in my face. Fate comes rapping upon my stoop, but where am I? That wicked charmer tempts me once again, but what can I do in light of it? Is there any hope, or do my lover's wishes go out only in vain? From the heart of a lover's love I ask these things. From the mind of a lover in love I ask these things. What could fate have to say to me? Can this wicked temptress bring me good things? Answers praytell only in time!

    ...Created 2005-12-14 14:39:30

    dotsJournal: Peacedots
    Mood: Relaxing

    I've come to realize that if you don't enjoy all the small things in life, the nuisance and the nirvana, there is nothing left to enjoy. If you can't take time out of your busy days and your drab, almost automatic, lives and look around to enjoy a freshly fallen snow, or a beautiful blue sky, or even a small gesture that your loved one has shown to you, you have a greater problem than your hustle-bustle life. If you find that you can't find anything in your life to enjoy, you need to stop.
    It's been said by Mark Twain, "If ever you find yourself on the side of majority, you need to stop and re-examine." This is true down to it's absolute roots. I will have to admit that Mark Twain is one of the most brilliant men to ever speak. His eloquence and his brilliance weave a wonderful world of beauty and enlightenment. If you never have, you should really take note of some of his quotations.

    ...Created 2005-12-01 20:42:07

    dotsJournal: The giantsdots
    Mood: Overwhelmed

    There are some people that we will never forget. There are some people who can enlighten a person every day. There are some people who will never be forgotten. There are some people who can instill fear, wonder, love, and knowlege in a person every time they speak. I knew such a person. Today such a person has been lost. While he may be gone, he will never leave in the mind of the people he taught. His life lessons are embedded so deep in the people he touched, that David Beall will never die. I know that I, among others who have voiced themselves, will never forget this man. He went far beyond the mindless nonsense of teaching school subjects, he went deep into life lessons. He taught you everything you need to know. He taught you everything you will remember. He taught you everything to help you succeed. Everybody who walked through his doors left changed in some way. Whether you loved him, whether you hated him, whether you remained indifferent, he taught you something you will remember forever. I will never forget this man. I will never forget the most influential man I have ever known.

    ...Created 2005-11-11 23:40:13

    dotsJournal: Going to marketdots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    The time has come. I believe it is time for me to re-enter the world a new man. My pining has gained no ground. The floor seems as to slide from beneath me. We have moved on. My desires seem as time wasted. Her heart has not stopped the incessant roaming, as mine shant. The drive for love hath overcome my mindless want. I have found the shortcomings of my ways, and I fully intend to correct them. As every experience is a learning one, I have come away from this one with much more priceless knowlege and experience than I could have fathomed. There is nary a time spent when one doesn't learn. Realizing this is a key virtue on the path to righteousness. One can never truly be righteous, only assume such and tell all his friends about the righteous things he has done today. What a sick cycle we live.

    ...Created 2005-11-10 20:49:59

    dotsJournal: It's Been Saiddots
    Mood: Thinking...

    It's often said by a wise man that time heals all wounds. I stake this claim with mixed emotions. While, yes, as time does pass, the pain of such life changing events may gradually fuse into a nagging soreness, as opposed to a sharp clang. But as time also goes on, old sores seem to fester. I have found this especially true as with relationships. As the time has passed, my pining for her is slowly being nullified, but as yet, she still seems to carry a strong hatred. Those horrible things I said will never die in her precious mind, but the hatred just may. It is my experience that it takes more than time. Time alone is not enough to completely rid one's self of the pains of a time passed. It takes a great bit of communication, some true desire to change, and (as previously stated) time. Hopefully the importance of these observations has not been overlooked by my faltering eyes. I can only hope to apply them to future endeavors. Then again, I can only hope that I may not need to. I can only dream such an unrealistic dream as to feel no more pain in my life.

    ...Created 2005-11-06 15:02:25

    dotsJournal: finding my waydots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    i have done a lot of horrible things in my life. but never have i hurt somebody i care about willfully and purposefully. until this week. it was a horrible thing to do, i know. i dont think she truly realized what i had done until later, just as i hadnt. as that sick twisted piece of paper exchanged hands, i wanted to sink my fingernails in, claw back up her arm, and steal it back. and her heart in the process. i dont know which was more painful...the three days of hateful bickering, or the hour and a half spent last night talking with her about all the things we had done wrong. we finally spoke again last night, and my heart leapt a great joyous jump. it was a pivotal moment in both of our lives, as she will always know the hurt i cause, and so will i. today when i woke up, the world seemed a little more sunsplashed than it had in the past week. i woke up early, and i felt fine. something i havent known in the past four days. i looked outside and i noticed again all the small things that make life worth living. i noticed that beautiful red robin singing greatful for the sun, and a dog bounded happily with his owner. i have taken it to my life to be more like a dog. they are so greatful for the smallest tidbits of attention, and they are ever loyal. it doesnt matter how you treat the poor beast, he loves you all the same. i dont understand why we decided that calling somebody a dog was a derogatory term. i would find great joy in being more like a dog. even as they arent the most intelligent creatures to inhabit the earth, they have the most character. in all my experience i have never seen a dog frown, but on several occasions i have seen them smile. yes, i believe it to be not a great dishonor, but a wonderful characteristic feature to be considered a dog.

    ...Created 2005-10-28 15:19:24

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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