-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualWow I can't believe that my little guy has turned three years old today. It is funny, I thought that as I watched my boys get older I would think it scary to see the time go by, but the contrary is true. I savor every day. My kids looking up at me and saying I love you Dad is what makes my century.
Even when I am close to the 70's and 80's and know that life on this world is getting shorter, I will know that I have given my family the love that it deserves. I will carry that to the grave and beyond.
Well that was an interesting thought...Till next time.....Me...Created 2004-11-07 20:14:01
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...Hello there.
It has been a little whie since I have written here. It was a crazy week. Derpression, happiness, Confusion. You know....The usual crap. I have been taking a lot of time to reflect on my life. I am not going to sit here and write about how 'DEPRIVED', 'LONELY', 'ABUSED'. I am a GenXer. I am a GenXer inside and out. I have this label because I lived in that time. I grew up in that time. Society did not mold me though, I am smarter than that. I have been coaxed in a particular way of thinking through a series of images and situations that have either directly affected me or indirectly through a story.
The media has tried and succeeded to make me think a certain way. I am almost done with a Reader titled 'GenX' It is a great book which showcases some of the best writers from my time.
There are a lot of new writers of today. Musicians, painters....All brilliant who are doing the same thing I did at my transition from childhood to adult hood. They are looking around and trying to figure out what is going on and why things happen? They will get older and realize that there is another generation right below them that is doing the same thing. The convayer belt continues.
I think at 35 I finally am realizing that it is not how a particular thing is affecting a society, but , In particular, how it is affecting me personally. I think we all reach a point in life(Some sooner, Some Later) where we start to share our thoughts in this self analyzing mode, hoping that someone else may gain from the words, music, pictures, an understanding for themselves. This self reflection is ultimately the seed that makes us who we ultimately will become....Created 2004-10-02 09:00:01
-------------------------------------------Mood: SadLast night was a very rough night. My wife and I had a pretty bad fight. We have been together for a long time, so we are able to overcome battles, but we are both exhausted.
It scared our two sons which really upsets me. I have to continue working on my temper. I have to go for walks. I have to learn to just walk away and not continue. Enough is enough. We have both said we are sorry, but the memory remains. We have to start over and fill in the memory with good things again. Life is a roller coaster ride.
...Created 2004-09-19 09:48:05
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualIt has been a week since I have wrtten in this journal. A very busy week at work. Being a person, who is writing the test scenarios that the users will use is interesting, but very tedious. I do look at the bright side of the situation though. It is getting to me look at the system in an entirely different way. I have to be very analytical, which is helping be.
The Strength of Eagles Poem has gotten a couple good responses. White house, Goverenor from Maine. I am going to continue my quest for responses, sometime this weekend(If I ever get around to it). I want to get a few other things done first.
I have the Oracle install. Before that I have to copy all of the files from the Compaq and then reinstall windows on it. Then I will load the newest version of Java and then Oracle 10g. Quite a process, but a lot of fun. I like keeping my projects in life as one process after another. Each step takes me further to another. I never really finish, I just keep moving forward. Life is full of too many finalities. What ever happened to making things better. Always strive to do better. Always improve. Never finish. Everything is a work in progress.
Well That is enough for today. Until a little later this weekend, or next week.....
...Created 2004-09-18 08:21:13
-------------------------------------------Mood: Straightening things out...Today we get ready to go view the anual toy run here in Hallowell Maine. It is a great event, where families get an oppotrunity to see thousands of Harley Davidson Motorcycles rumble through town. The cool thing is the mountain of toys created from this marvelous event.
I have seen that this toy run has become very popular since the 9/11 attacks. Families have really learned to get together and be strong.
3 years has gone by since that day. The American people and the World community have (for the most part) emerged from the stunned paralyzed phase. They now are looking at the world in a new way. They are trying to find the good in people. They are trying to make it a safer world for the World Humanities of the future. We all as a member of this planet have to begin realizing that even though there are Borders to countries. These borders are just imaginary lines created for us. In reality the borders are not really there. All that exists is the World around us. A beautiful world full of wonderful people.
Lets all stay strong and continue to make this world a better place. I for one am going to do my part.
...Created 2004-09-12 08:39:13
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...I enter this journal entry with a thought about the events of 9/11. I look down at my youngest son playing with construction paper. Not a care in the world. Playing with all the different colors.
Different colors. That is what we all are about. If we could all learn to play with the different colors and find the beauty in it the way a 2 1/2 year old does with a pile of construction paper, we would have a a better life. Not perfect. There would still be problems, because that is what makes life special. We need to fix problems to make us whole as people. We need to look deep inside ourselves and find the enjoyment that exists. We can all eventually find the littel 2 1/2 year old child who enjoys the multi colored pieces of construction paper, on a blue carpeted floor, in a small town in Hallowell Maine.
...Created 2004-09-11 10:39:55
|Journal: Picked Icon|
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...Today I decided to pick an Icon from this site that best represented me. I spent the time to go through all of the icons.
I started with quite a few that struck me as unique to my character. All of them had something to do with my character. I rated then from 1 to 5 and eliminated them one at a time as I looked inside myself and tried to really see which one embodied who I am.
I picked the skull with the blue flame because it remeinds me of a rebirth process. Flames may destroy what is on the surface. Flames also leave room for more life to reach the surface.
I am in a rebirth phase of my life at the moment. I truely feel that this skull and blue flame is what I am like inside my soul at the present moment in time.
...Created 2004-09-06 11:06:01
|Journal: Better Today|
-------------------------------------------Mood: The UsualIt is 9/6/04. My wife is going to become 33 tomorrow. Age is an interesting thing. Mankind created time so that he would have something concrete to gage when thins happen.
Time has done nothing, but give manikind a reason to dwell on the past or future. Whatever hapened to the now? Now is when things are happening. I think that if a person takes care of now, the future now's will be without too much suprise.
The world would be a much better place if people focused on now instead of then or when. It is important to think about the consequences to actions if things are done, but not to dwell. IT is important to make decisions that , for the most parts, are going to make for a better more stable life.
I am feeling pretty good. I had a good nights sleep. I slept until 9:42 today. It is Labor day, so mankind has given me a break. Back to work tomorrow. Work is actually becoming fun. I am having an interesting time coming up with test scenarios. It is a great way to paractice programming. I have to think like the end user, whis is what is really important. I say that statement and I actually start to realize that it is GOOD to write programs and create things that are fo me. If others use what I have done then that is a good thing. I hope they enjoy it. IF they do not then that is OK too. The bottom line is that I got something out of the experience of creating what ever project, be it writing or computer Programming.
I AM IMPORTANT. MY FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT. I COUNT.
...Created 2004-09-06 09:34:43
-------------------------------------------Mood: TiredI am still thinkung. Today I spent the day with my family, walking through the woods and enjoying all that nature has to offer. I look at myself and I feel like I am not doing enough, but I know that I am doing as much as I can. I know that this is a feeling that others may feel, but it is one that I cannot help but feeling.
My two sons look up at me and I can tell that they see that I am tired. I am tired at 35, but I feel reborn each time that I look into the eyes of my children. I feel reborn each time that I look into the eyes of my wife.
The economy today is the worst than it has been in years. Money is in short supply for not just my family I know, but we have to take care of our own. We are all in the quest to have one outcome for our families. We just want our children to have just a little more than we had. I am no different.
I am giving them one thing that I did not have, and that is the Love and being there for them, that I did not have. I am not going to wine. I am just getting the though out.
Now that it is out I can continue. I am getting myself in control of my life. I am a Father of Two, A software developer of 20 plus years and writer as of all my life.
I am also married to the most wonderful woman in the world. Todat I asked her to marry me a gain for the second time. She turned and said with a smile, 'We allready are' . I said that I want to renew our vows this next year. She gladly accepted. Knowing that made me feel amazing in side. I would marry her every day of the year.
I don't have money, but I have enough. I have what I need. I have my family, my health. I have a life. It is not one of material wealth at this point, but it is one of great wealth that money can not buy. I am tired....But I am happy.
...Created 2004-09-05 18:29:41
-------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking...I am sitting here and reflecting on the last few Years. It is amazing how life changes. I have been tryin so hard to make something of myself. It has taken me to age 35 to realizse that I am the only one who will make me truely happy.
I just recently one a major poetry achievement. I am going to be published in the next publication released by Poetry.com. It was the first ting that I submitted and have not even become a member as of yet. I have always been a person who tries to reach as many people ass possible. I have approached things the wrong way, by trying to find others to take this journey with me.
It is not until I just wone this personal victory has it occiured to me that I am the reason I do what I do. I am trying to find my own answers and am reflecting on things around me.
I am responsible for my own destiny. The doors are open and because of this latest victory, I am finally happy to say that I have found who I am as a person. I have finally found the person deep within. Not ther person who has tried to get approval and work with others to get to some accomplishment. All I have seemed to do is help others get to where they have wanted, which in most cases has been higher than they would have ever gotten. I am only gaging my owm success on my own goals from now on.
...Created 2004-09-04 18:49:40
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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