Measuring a summers day,
I only finds it slips away to grey,
The hours, they bring me pain.

*tangerine, tangerine,
Living reflection from a dream;
I was her love, she was my queen,
And now a thousand years between.

Thinking how it used to be,
Does she still remember times like these?
To think of us again?
And I do.

* chorus

I'm up to nothing, nothing at all. Simply sitting and occassionally wondering, mostly hoping to have further nothing to do. Because all of a sudden, it just seems to me that 'nothing' is all there is, and nothing is worth the effort or the joy, because in the end there is nothing. I suppose I'm showing a great fascination for nothing, but well that is the state of mind. And what is there above the mind? You guessed it, nothing.

I like the song, though. Its not on repeat, this playlist is, not really chosen by me, but those auto playlists that media player offers. Kind of neat at times. Sometimes, actually most times, they add the one song I really don't want to listen to. Of course, its perfect the moment I do a bit of customization (I'm too lazy to draw up the whole thing). And this is one of those customized ones. It's called, Playlist 3. Quite a genius, don't you think?

What happened to the earlier ones? Well, I don't know. I might have deleted them, or it might still be lurking their somewhere. I usually end up with too many, especially when I'm in the mood to listening to one song on repeat. Gives me a headache at the end of the sleep (yes, I fall asleep to that one song, which has been many songs, everytime). But then, an important point to mention is that, I always have a headache at the end of the day. Really not nice. You would think the head would learn that by now and stop sending the wrong pain signals all the time! It has not. Twenty (almost) years has not been enough. Sigh.

Bigger Sigh.

Larger Pause.

What am I doing now? I'm searching for the lyrics. Wait a bit, the page loaded too. Kind of fast at this moment, which is a big surprise. Hold on-

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my somach, I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Just what God needs, one more victim

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog, beggin for love
Gotta have my sufferingso that I can have my cross
I know a cat named easter, he says will you ever learn
Youre just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start my own religion

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Please be
Save me
I cry

Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Where are those angels when you need them

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Thats the lyrics I was looking for. Not that I didn't have it already, but felt like reading through it again. However, I digress. I had to tell you something..

My net. It's never been great as a rule, and I should not have been expecting things to actually improve. Of course, me the hopeful did, and things didn't quite take that route. That is the case with most electronic things in my life. Take for example, my aiwa player. It doesn't work. Back when it was the heart and soul of my room, it still didn't work. It did, except when I wanted to listen to my favourite track (and sleep) on repeat, it would skip and bounce and trip and do all sorts of crazy moves.

Right now, my room does not have a heart or a soul.

Sad, don't you think? Well its in the middle of changes, and my newfound pc which is actually better than any pc I have used so far, but still malfunctions at times though that might be my fault, is not in permanent settlement, so I can't organise things around it and so nothing looks good. I realised that a couple of days ago that my room is not a pretty mess and in all honesty, it was a big bug. I hate bugs. I hate creepy crawlies, not that my room is creeping or crawling. Anyway. There are a number of things that need to be changed. For starters, I was thinking maybe I should change the destination of the most functioning device, maybe use the table (that I only stack things on) but I'm not certain. Also I wanted posters, but where do I get them? And money switches hands too quick. And I want a different paint on, but that is a september issue. It was originally a may issue, and then I don't know what happened. Hopefully september will do paint good. I feel absurd.

But then, I think it is better than my nothing obsession. What say you?

Gah! I don't feel like being here anymore.

Have fun.

...Created 2007-07-28 10:39:37