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    dotsJournal: Life Changesdots
    Mood: Guess what!?

    Wow! Looking through these eyes I have noticed how my life has changed, wondered if it would ever be the same, cried for all the times i wish it was, and laughed during all the moments that I had felt like i was me. I don't know what happened to her, why she changed, why she cared to? When i need her she’s never there, and just when I think I can feel her, she runs away, but I was never the running away type. Sometimes I have wanted to get on a train, watch my life go by, honestly sometimes I have, but I don't know who that girl was, slowly I've morphed into this freakish women, but a women none the less. I don't want to be known for that girl I was although I wish her non afraid side would come out in me just a little more. What happened to me? I'm not as lonely as I had been a strange feeling, one I'm not sure I understand, my only wish for you is to look into my eyes, see that I'm not that girl anymore, I'm this women! This women who does not run, does not hide behind a synthetic falsity, perhaps this women is stronger then I give her credit for?

    ...Created 2012-07-13 21:44:59

    dotsJournal: hmmmmdots
    Mood: Confused!!!

    Today I was thinking how lonely life has become, but almost as much as i can't remeber...I remeber being lonely always, I imagine that lonelyness defines as people such a simple emotion yet so powerful and unfilling, this need for satifaction I could never lay on another human being, happiness is mine and mine alone, but who am I if not a mother, a wife, a lover, a friend, a bitch, a freak? all these things they are what my makeup, my genetics? who am I if not what people believe me to be, who i believe to be? Life since he left has been confusing, all these moments lead up to what I have always feared but one can fear what they have not known, but i also know i have known it way to well as im sure everyone has. I wish i could show people happiness, love, satisfaction but that is not my job or is it?

    ...Created 2012-05-07 21:50:24

    dotsJournal: conflicteddots
    Mood: Thinking...

    Its so much harder to move on then it is to stand still and just let life pass me by. I've stood still for the better part of a decade listening to the wind whisper my secrets to me, waiting, watching, hoping that there may be a change. Change is not possible unless you make it so, where does this leave me, leaves me conflicted, confused and hurt. I've also realized that with change there is bad with good, but life as I know it may never be what I once would have imagined it and therefore the only thing I can do is go forward and embrace the things I cannot change in life.....

    ...Created 2011-10-27 17:58:40

    dotsJournal: upside downdots
    Mood: confused mostly

    I am not trying to hide who I am, on some levels I know who that is, on others well that is a search I have yet to finish....almost always never finishing what I start, maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I am a monster, maybe I am kind hearted, maybe I'm just me. I try to be honest and upfront people (maybe some of this is due to my honesty policy that I adapted) I leave details out but not everyone needs to know everything. Everything in life just get turns upside down more then i would like to admit......but thats life isn't it?

    ...Created 2011-08-18 00:51:32

    dotsJournal: My Daughterdots
    Mood: Depressed

    Here I am once again never a human just a shell, where does one go to fix this? I can dismember these walls but all I will have left is a non beating heart waiting for the defibrillator, although I think even that can not kick start this icy cold heart, I am again detached from all emotion the only thing that keeps me going is my childs smile and the love i see in her eyes for my love reflects right back, in that instant is the only time I feel anything, she makes me feel complete in ways I never found in another person before, without her I am nothing, with her I own her world and she loves me just the same even if it is my destiny to spiral down into hell, I would never take me with her and i will always be by her side, I wish i could care for others as much as i care for her but alas that is impossible for the moment.

    ...Created 2011-08-09 18:11:41

    dotsJournal: Guiltydots
    Mood: Stressed

    I caught myself being childish,with a person who is really not worth my time....I let her get to me....I know better I should have been better but I wasn't, I sunk down to her level and now I just feel guilty.

    ...Created 2011-07-29 18:14:17

    dotsJournal: Goodbyedots
    Mood: Straightening things out...

    I know whats best, do you? I've watched us fall further from the truth then humanly possible and gather back in around all these lies you kept just for me. Your right i took them in pretended like that's all i needed shit i thrived off them like a baby in waiting hoping that we could change, that we could be better, but the truth is were better off with out each other. When push comes to shove I'am on the floor crying and your over me laughing....when did i become a joke? I can say i loved you with all my heart at one point, can you? I can say i took care of you weather you needed me or not, can you? You lost faith in me but i should have been the one to lose faith in you, in us. We were never meant to be isn't that what every one says? I say we were only meant to be until now, this was our forever, our eternity, your loss really, or is it mine, this part is more like a faded picture, part of a blurry past that at the time we were meant for. Our destines never really crossed each others paths but we took the road less traveled and ended up lost like everyone else. I look at you looking at me things have changed our hearts, I saw love in your eyes, you saw it in mine, maybe thats why it took so long to just walk away and say good bye.

    ...Created 2011-07-07 14:03:10

    dotsJournal: damn it alldots
    Mood: Stressed

    I fall further into your trap, your a predator and I'm your prey and I'm down on my knees sucking your dick in the the preying position, begging for you to fuck me harder, emotionally your unavailable and emotionally I'm too available, losing since is so easy next to you, I'm not in love with you but i like sex with you, I like sex with another him to and this one girl where does that leave me? sexually fulfilled? I crave it, I need it. Does that mean i use people to get it or they use me? I have this great guy on one hand and this somewhat of an asshole on the other, the asshole doesn't want me and the great one is leaving, in the end i can only hope i don't fall further into it all!

    ...Created 2011-07-06 13:12:36

    dotsJournal: Who am Idots
    Mood: Depressed

    all fingers point to me, I do everything wrong, I make you crazy, insane, I am intolerable, blind,ill-willed, unmotivated,lost, trapped. who am I? I don't know anymore. I played along with all your games, content, I was hurting myself in the long run, I believe I still am. I can't stop this person anymore, if I even am a person.

    ...Created 2011-06-30 11:15:06

    dotsJournal: enticingdots
    Mood: Smexual

    We screw each other yet another night, it seems so good now that we've said were not together, now that i don't worry about what your doing, who your screwing. I am fucked up no doubt, I like it this way, I can tell it excites you, ignites you, makes you hot. Does it confuse you, I can surprise you, entice you, turn your head. The cheater forever cheating maybe this is how it was meant to be me and you, you and someone else, me and someone else, Its sexy, its having your cake and eating it to and it thrills me from the inside out. Would you take me this way, now where ever i like it however i want it, I know you would, you'd be crazy not to, When i'm craving you, needing you. were not making love anymore, were fucking and it feels just as good. I feel more open, more free, more secure,clear minded.

    ...Created 2011-06-29 12:41:13

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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