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Journal: hey there -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual been pretty busy, so i haven't been on for awhile. while cleaning my house though i found some old writings i haven't posted yet, and it sparked some newer writings. i'll post them as i can when i'm able to get on ...Created 2014-10-09 13:41:19

Journal: how much more? -------------------------------------------Mood: Overwhelmed this year has been very rough. losing baby angel, losing my job, nearly losing the love of my life; the summer was spent trying to pick up the pieces of my broken family and somehow glue us back together. things finally started looking up again this fall, then grandma died. now, just weeks before the most joyous holiday season of the year, and we've already had 5 deaths close to our family or close to friends of our family. now to learn that yet another person has died, and someone else is recovering from a bad stroke (she was found at her home unresponsive). this time of year, we should be grateful for the blessings we have received and celebrate the greatest gift given to humankind in the form of a poor carpenter's heaven-sent son....but these days i find it hard to be very jolly. on top of being the first christmas without grandma williams, the 22nd will mark the 9th anniversary of my beloved grandma betty's death (see the poem "tell her I Love You"). the only thing keeping me going right now is the bright faces of my two and three year old girls, and their excitement over having a new baby come in june. that and the renewed hope that the love of my life is no longer in danger, i pray that we can celebrate this christmas season, if only because we are together..... ...Created 2013-12-19 00:18:27

Journal: Thunderstorms -------------------------------------------Mood: Relaxing There was a thunderstorm a little while ago. Jaina has been getting upset by the thunder lately, and all though she wasn't completely freaking out, she had to be right by mommy or she did freak out. We are watching the rain out of my mom's window, and a small roll of thunder makes Jaina lean in to grab me. I asked her if she would like me to teach her a Bible verse that has helped Mommy when she gets worried. Jaina wanted a Bible story, please. So I got her to say with me, "Do not fear, I am here. Do not Cry, I am God and I will hold you. Isaiah 41:10". We said it a second time, and as soon as we were done Jaina goes "Oh, Thank you, I better!". And right then, the rain stopped. Teaching your kids the Bible with in-the-moment-application ; Priceless! ...Created 2013-09-07 17:51:42

Journal: child rants -------------------------------------------Mood: Overwhelmed when i was dating my husband, i suspected i was pregnant. i took a home test, and it said negative. two days later i got my period. it was a little on the heavy side, but we didn't think much of it. to this day we don't know if i had been pregnant or not, but within two months of that happening i DID get pregnant. we had a beautiful baby girl, and about 7 months later i got pregnant again, another girl. two weeks before celebrating my youngest's 1st birthday, i discovered i was pregnant again. i was supposed to be about 9 weeks, but they couldn't see the baby on the ultrasound. it was difficult for me, because i wanted to be excited about my baby but i was being told it may not last. the same week i found out i was pregnant i started a new job. with the stress of the new job and all the testing i was going through, i couldn't eat, and my body couldn't take it anymore. three days after my daughter's birthday, her little sibling gave up the fight and left my body. i am still in a state of shock, i think, about losing Baby Angel. i hadn't entirely processed being pregnant, so part of me is like "whatever really bad period" but part of me is like "my baby". the week i lost my baby was also the dress rehearsal for a play i was in, so that kept me busy for a couple weeks. now that things are slowing down - i left my job, the play is over - i am starting to process things more, but it still hasn't hit me yet. but i do know that when i get to heaven someday, Baby Angel will be there waiting.... ...Created 2013-04-01 22:43:21

Journal: Cleaning House -------------------------------------------Mood: Guess what!? Doing some early Spring Cleaning. Going through old boxes. I have found a lot of my originals, and even the rest of a poem I had tried to type up once and then lost the rest of it. Yay! ...Created 2013-02-27 12:38:36

Journal: inspirations... -------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking... been having problems with writers block recently. drawing inspiration from every source i have. where do you find inspiration? ...Created 2012-10-02 16:38:39

Journal: Saddened Heart -------------------------------------------Mood: Overwhelmed Yesterday, I went with my father to pick up my husband from work (as we do not have a car right now). We went to McDonald's for dinner and were enjoying the company and watching my one year old daughter play with a french fry. My father's phone rings, and he answers. When I hear him name who he is taking to, I get slightly edgy, for it is 8 in the evening and she wouldn't call unless it was important. Suddenly, my father gasps out, "WHAT?" and sits bolt upright. That is when I know something is wrong. As the discussion continues, I hear him mention the friend's daughter and how she shouldn't be alone right now after how hard she tried to help. This makes my eyebrows raise in concern. A knot starts to form in my throat as I begin to fear the worst when I finally hear the word... Suicide. The daughter had come home from work to find her roommate, her closest and dearest friend. She got her down, she tried CPR, but the friend was already cold. This beautiful, smart, intelligent young woman had slipped away from us. So now we come to the bigger questions. Why? Why did she feel the need to do this? And how to we explain to the five year old little boy who saw big sister with her every day of his life that she isn't coming back? A hard day for all of us... ...Created 2011-12-08 12:04:40

Journal: hello again -------------------------------------------Mood: Hyper so i just got back from camp. it was awesome. also my first weekend away from the baby. i missed her so much. it was so cute, when she saw me when i got home she started crying. i love my baby! ...Created 2011-05-01 22:37:29

Journal: its been awhile -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual well, i haven't been on in awhile. i've kept writing, and hope to post some of my latest from the past two years up hear. also will include updates on family stuff. coolio. ...Created 2011-04-22 18:21:17

Journal: back in town -------------------------------------------Mood: hectic lifestyle catching up with me have been busy with high school and work. now in summer school, and close to graduation! i can't wait... ...Created 2009-06-22 11:23:49