Journal: sucks!... -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Anxiety sucks... nervousness sucks.... Public speakers say they use it to force their opinion out and broadcasted in a positive and powerful way. But what happens when anxiety is from waiting to find out something instead of wanting to say it.... Theres nothing to fill that anxiety except the answers we are looking for. Maybe realizing that we dont need to know the answer would help the anxiety go away, realizing tha whatever it is that has our attention is really not all that important. Because there are greater things, people, ideas and places at hand that make all the difference. Being content and fulfilled with who we are... With who i am, regardless of what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future. I can only do my best and I can only do it now! Be content, be fulfilled, be joyfull and at peace. with life, with God and with myself. I am at peace. ...Created 2009-10-08 17:56:02

Journal: misery is joy -------------------------------------------Mood: joyful how strange would it be that our minds have a mind of their own.... plotting all on its own. when we seem so unhappy with someone and everything seems to go wrong... much worst is when everything is just right. would it be natures way of saying its not meant to be??? Not in the sense that things happen from an outside source that changes our life.... it can be right inside of our selves. when we find every excuse and every motive, reason, annoyance whatever that says... I DONT LIKE YOU~ its because our time has passed and i need to find my own way. I learned to like what i hated and hate what i liked... why? why must i lose something in order to really appreciate it? how can i make things right gain what i lost and lose what i have gained? I am joyful to have failed at what i did not want ;) ...Created 2009-08-17 23:51:29

Journal: choice -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Time and relationships.... things in life either get better or worst... nothing ever stays the same. There is a point in time when people meet, its either a go or a no. A couple can enjoy the time together and see where it goes. if they really want things to be better then they will go through with it. if not then it will be over as fast as it started out. but what happens when things start to seem really good and at a moments time go sour??? there can be a million reasons why... or simply just one. What is obvious is that there has to be some change, in the persons involved or in the relationship as a whole. No point in staying to have a bad relationship, or a miserable life. I choose to live and be joyful always. Regardless of who is with me or not. Why miss out on the beauty of life? of the world? so much to see and all the places to go. Maybe somewhere along the line I can meet the right one... when things will be right and not go sour. Even if they do, have something worth fighting for. :D ...Created 2009-07-25 22:04:25

Journal: lies -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual Everyone lies and some how in some way, we expect that someone might just be different. Deceit seems to be part of our hearts, our minds, our lives. we care so much about what people think, why do we bother to give our hearts? selfishness and pride. The root of all the pain and the hurt. Thats all that I have found every time that you are around. *martha&maria* ...Created 2009-05-27 20:32:00

Journal: Never forget -------------------------------------------Mood: remorseful It was almost eleven on monday evening, with a cool Florida breeze on a summer night. I stared at the many cars go by on Bird Road and 62 avenue, a busy intersection in Miami. I have always been a fan of cars. The balcony where I stood was on a second story. Rachel's parents had lived in that apartment over ten years and been married over thirty. Suddenly the soft touch of her arms wrapping around my waist and a quick kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes and indulged in her scent. It was sweet, like opening a box of vanilla cookies. In an apologetic and loving voice she said, "What's wrong?". Although she already knew my concerns. I didn't hesitate to let out my thoughts, "It has been three days since we arrived and we are almost out of money". I knew it wasn't her fault that we didn't have money, or that I would be leaving her and going to Iraq soon. I just needed to clear my mind. I said to her "baby I'm going for a drive and will be back soon". She then insisted to come along just to keep me company. I grabbed the keys and walked out to our new Honda Civic SI. We had just bought it a week prior. It was royal blue color with black interior. She liked the car just as much as I did. It wasn't just nice to look at, It was fast too. I turned on the headlights and she took control of the radio. We drove towards the highway as the sound of Dance Dance by Fall Out Boy filled the car. She always played her music while I focused on the road. Not knowing where I was headed just got on the turnpike expressway and headed south. I was thinking about how to take care of her and feel secure that she wouldn't get tired of waiting for me. I would be gone for fifteen months and we had not spent a day apart since we got married. I needed to figure things out before I left. After about twenty minutes, the Kendall Drive exit was coming up, a song by Justing Timberlake was playing. I knew there was a bowling alley near by and took the exit. The music, the breeze and rachel caressing my face had helped me relax and feel reassured that everything would be fine. We arrived at the bowling alley, but all the lights were off and the parking lot was empty. It was monday night, but for some reason it felt like the weekend. We didn't get off the car and we didn't exchange any words. There was no need to, we had the type of relationship that has chemistry, when one person knows what the other is thinking and feeling. As I thought of that for a moment, I felt so secure of what we have that I wanted to go home and stay in her arms forever. Once again, driving back down kendall Drive towards the highway. This time it was different, we glanced and smiled at each other. The worries had banished and a blanket of comfort had taken its place. All the way back, we sang on the highway, laughing on the notes we could not carry and watched in admiration the ones we could. The Bird Road exit was glowing green and we where almost home. I had grown up in this area, the streets felt like home. The Burger king down the road was my hang out place after school was out. The CVS next to it was the place I had my first job. Only three blocks to her parents apartments. I watched the rail road tracks ahead, and it was always fun to feel the lift and fall of the car as if it was a carnival ride. There was something different though, as I felt the rise there was a car cutting across the intersection, speeding through a stop sign. I knew if we hit it straight ahead, that surely someone would get hurt. I quickly grabbed the steering wheel and attempted to maneuver around it, but I was too late. Time slowed down to fractions of a second. The lights on the street lamps and headlamps on the other vehicles merged and became flashes and rays of colors. Suddenly, everything went black for an unknown amount of time. No lights, no music playing and no signs of rachel. The sounds of sirens, distant voice and what seems to be lawn mower or heavy engine. I felt people around me but could not open my eyes. "where is my wife?", I could hear myself asking as I felt paralyzed. Everything once again faded. I was blinded by a bright light, a shock coming up my spine. I felt my muscles stabbing inward and still no movement. Focused on wanting to see, I opened my eyes. There were white sheets all around me, curtains and bright lights on the ceiling. I was laying on a bed, my mom was the first face I recognized beside me, then my sister and my best friend. I asked what happened, but got no answer. They stared and cried silently. From the background there was a tall man with dark hair and a dark blue uniform. I knew what had happened, the car who ran the stop sign had cut us off. Our car spun out of control into the incoming traffic on the opposite lanes. There was a third vehicle that could not stop and hit our car on the passenger side. I got chills all over, it felt as if my heart got ripped apart and I too silently began to cry. My hands gripped tight, the blood rushed to my head and I cried out loud. I needed to let the pain out. The Police Officer held my hand and said, " I am so sorry". Rachel had passed away. ...Created 2009-05-17 12:59:41

Journal: essay -------------------------------------------Mood: Amazing! My Red Jnco Sweater Harry Potter has a magical cloak, while Indianna Jones has his fedora hat. Small children hold on to that favorite blanket, the one they don't ever want to let go. The girl that finds the pair of unique jeans that make her body perfectly proportional, in all the right places. As for me, my favorite item of clothing is my red Jnco sweater. The way it looks and feels is just right. I would not be able to describe it as anything less than lucky or magical. The first thing that got my attention about the sweater was the rich red color of its fabric. Red is not enough of a word to describe its unique pigment. Somewhere between the glowing red from a burning torch and subtleness of freshly picked strawberry. Being 16 years old, It was the color that I needed to stand out in my school. It was perfect! Having the opportunity to appreciate the sweater from a distance, I began walking slowly towards it. In my mind I pictured how the broad design could make me look like an athlete. The shoulders are far apart, coming down into thick sleeves. Sleeves that are wide like a wrestler's or a football player's arms. Across the chest is the "Jnco Jeans" logo shining Blandon 2 heroically ; with its golden stitching on the inside of the Jnco letters and black leather outline all the way around. There is a smaller lettering underneath it that says "American Jeans Co." But that did not take away from my ego, which at that moment felt colossal. If superman would have been there, the sweater made me feel just as strong and maybe stand just a bit taller. The black leather on the red cotton fabric gave it perfect contrast and additional roughness. At that age, there are vulnerabilities that a boy leaves behind and as a new invisible man stands to show himself to the world. At the top is the required final part of this master piece, the hood. It is design with the same concept of manliness. It is wide enough to cover the head and much more, giving the appearance of a grim reaper. I would lose myself into the sweater whenever I wore It. I became something more that just the average guy. The double layer cotton fabric made me look bigger than I was at the time. Soft and furry on the inside, keeping me warm all around, yet smooth on the outside to always keep its fresh new look. The sweater even helped me out while dating. When most girls i went out with would be too cold at the movies, my sweater was there to save the day. At least the sweater gave me an excuse to get closer and cuddle the cute girl in the class. I would spend days without wanting to wash it and wear it to bed, just to feel the sweet aroma that she would leave behind. Blandon 3 My favorite Jnco sweater, that kept me strong through out my school days, made me cool in front of the girls, and kept me company in my times of trouble. Harry potter or Indianna Jones would be lucky to have a sweater like mine. For it has brought so much value to my life. The magical garment that has played an important role in the story of my life, to this day it is still with me and it will be for many years to come. ...Created 2009-04-21 23:19:48

Journal: angry -------------------------------------------Mood: Angry Feel the torche that burns throughout. The sound that innitiates and incinerates my blood. which boils without space to discipate. The fumes that pour out my veins. Like a starving wolf that desires to devour and tear the memories of you apart. I cant touch, theres barrier that keeps me close and yet so far. Not to harm, but to release what I have inside. This is whats become of me once you left and destroyed my heart. ...Created 2009-01-13 18:45:32

Journal: understand -------------------------------------------Mood: down Will you understand what a man's heart is? It's a jewel in raw form. Carried by a child and droped many times. Over and over its carelessly taken from place to place without a definite shape. It hardens with time and loses its shimmer and shine. The child becomes a man and has a hard heart, that has been beaten and bruised. looking for someone that might polish its surface and put a bandaid or two. Hoping that with a bit of care and lot of love it will come to soften and show whats inside. Something so beautyful, desireable to the eyes. A man will conquer the world with time, the man will cross oceans and mountains so tall. The man will continue to fight for what is right and always desiring to look for that one love of his life, that will trully understand.... what is a mans heart. ...Created 2009-01-13 05:15:55

Journal: Love -------------------------------------------Mood: Yeay!! For me to live is Christ and to die is gain!-phillipians 1:21... “Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;”- John 11:25 I love to live... love life... love to love... be in love... and most of all... love God. For God is love in its most basic form. Love would not be if it were not for God. We love because HE first loved us (1 John 4:19). He loved us so that nothing can keep us from him...Romans 8:37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Its just so amazing to know that we have the opportunity to know the creator of the universe!the one who thought of every detail of our lives and knows everthing about us in the most intimate way!Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." ...Created 2008-12-08 04:10:19

Journal: quality -------------------------------------------Mood: The Usual how big or small our income may be is not an accurate way to show the quality of life that we have. Whats luxury without peace? just food for thought. ...Created 2008-11-15 22:37:35

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