Journal: back..again. -------------------------------------------Mood: Head Aching holy god, its been ages since ive been back here...im not sure if im comfortable yet...but let me get my feet wet again, im sure ill come around. i apologize to anyone thats been trying to get a hold of me/commenting on my EXTREMELY OLD writings/sending search parties out after the decaying corpse of leper messiah. alas, im here...again...i dont know for how long. but ill do my best. i promise. and since i havent been writing and what i have been is trash, i dont have any contributions to put up yet. but perhaps..with a little hope..and luck...and meds of some kind..my head will be at least a little straight someday. peace and out for now, and kisses and heart-shaped things to all who have not forgotten me ~leper m. ...Created 2006-03-23 20:58:57

Journal: recovering -------------------------------------------Mood: Straightening things out... hey all. feeling a lot better since the night before's little escapade i took to the ER. I had a slight problem with...an overdose...but things have been flushed out of me and intra venously put into me and so i think im on the track to victory now...thanks to all who checked in (SugarMouse and Someone's Epiphany, you guys rock my world). tonight im kind of chillin out, i didn't go to my friends' apartment because i knew i would drink, and im taking a night off in my health's request. <pats self on shoulder>. g'nite for now, Elite, have pleasant evenings. ~april ...Created 2005-08-16 22:54:06

Journal: hospitals are.. -------------------------------------------Mood: Sick well. hello everyone this pleasant sticky August night... ive not too much to say tonight, must make this quick but wanted to pop in for a minute. i feel really exhausted...i just came home from the emergency room, very bushed, beaten... i will explain more tomorrow when i have more energy, but for now...i just thought i should say hello and good night to all of you. talk more to you tomorrow, dears. don't worry for me...i have enough of that to do on my own. sorry this is so short and melodramatic, but ehh... feel better April. Okay, thanks. i hope so... <restless sleep curled up in chair by computer follows> ...Created 2005-08-14 23:52:16

Journal: the wild -------------------------------------------Mood: Lonely to be in the wild...the incurable panoramic wild...this is something that has recently crossed my mind. how sleep comes much easier out on the pillowy nemophile, when the summer is mild and the wind lifts the dew in a sprinkled-on smile..i don't have a house, i don't have a child. i do have some dreams...waiting for me in the wild. ...Created 2005-08-10 23:02:33

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: Thinking... i need to come back. i don't know if anyone here that was here is still here...but i want to come back. hope its not too late, that ive not been forgotten... ...Created 2005-08-08 22:14:14

Journal: back...????? -------------------------------------------Mood: Just Hungry hey...its been a super long time, kids. but who knows...i think i may come back and party with the Elitists once more...whats been transpiring since i been away, anything decent or interesting...??? who's really gonna answer this anyway, more importantly... well. still in school at my blessed community college. havin way more fun than ever expected, i've made so many friends its really wuite incredible. i hang out there when i'm not workin or doin other stuff, thats how close i've grown to those buggers...ah, good times. i still write, but not anythin really worth posting, i don't think...but then again, who knows. i shall come back and put some stuff up if you guys are willin to spot me and check up on it, i dunno if thats worth your time or not...but yeah. may be goin to a hospital again for a short intermission from life, some things have gotten a lil out of hand...but enough about that cuz i don't really feel like talkin about it! and i have waaaaayyyy too many feelings going on inside this troubled head of mine. so i'll just leave it at "just hungry", like that mood says, and catch you ho's latah! always april ...Created 2005-02-21 13:20:31

Journal: tp punish... -------------------------------------------Mood: Relaxing WHY DO YOU PEOPLE INSIST ON TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO A FUCKING CAPITALIST???? (i mean this literally, guys...c'mon...you knows i hates capital letters! and punk-shoe-a-shun...GOD!!!) anyway...i need a feel-good song, its been a while since i could say...well, that i been "happy". so i'm gonna say it really sublime... "Burritos" I don't wanna go and party I don't wanna shoot the pier I don't wanna take the doggie out for a walk I don't wanna look at naked chicks and drink beer I don't wanna do a bong load and go and wrench on the car I don't wanna go and hose the dogshit down Cause i ain't even gonna get out of bed Keep on skankin' ronnie skank the night away But the time is comin' for us all to pay I don't wanna watch no porno I don't wanna play guitar I don't wanna spank the monkey I don't wanna go down to the corner bar Ain't even got to listen to all the stupid shit you got to say I don't wanna do a god damn thing I ain't gonna make my bed today I don't wanna eat burritos or read about o.j. Ain't gonna get a head rush cause i ain't gettin out of bed today yeah kids. ...Created 2004-12-18 18:35:50

Journal: wtf man... -------------------------------------------Mood: Confused guys suck...why do they lie. and why do i believe them every single time...and keep coming back for more... Attitude Maybe I act on confused behavior Maybe waves crash like semi trailer Maybe I’ll spend my off time without you It seems like we need our own space And all the time I wasted away I don’t feel good unless you stay And all the times I chased you away Simply to catch back up with Your solitude is welcome Your attitude is welcome All you see is red lights behind me Maybe this isn’t what you wanted baby I don’t blame you falling backwards No one’s ever quite confused you this way And all this time we wasted away We don’t feel good unless we’re gray And all the times I chased you away I simply don’t feel good All this time, we heard alarms Come to find, we fell apart This whole thing has crashed down, crashed down All this time, we heard alarms You are welcome ~Alien Ant Farm ...Created 2004-12-10 21:21:50

Journal: play with fire -------------------------------------------Mood: Lonely well...its friday and everyone is busy...how befitting...i am lonely, guys...!!! lets see...i guess i'll take a walk over to my fave place and yours, the great humbling Barnes and Noble...its about a mile and some change from my house, but...i really need somethin to do!!! a little walk would be just the thing i think my soul needs...it is not here, i cannot find it lying around this house today...it must already be out wandering. how it escapes me...perhaps thats why i'm lonely, too...i hear those souls provide closure of some kinds. without it i'm just a sullen girl... Well, you've got your diamonds and you've got your pretty clothes And the chauffeur drives your car You let everybody know... But don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire Your mother she's a heiress, owns a block in Saint John's Wood And your father'd be there with her If he only could... But don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire Your old man took her diamonds and tiaras by the score Now she gets her kicks in Stepney, Not in Knightsbridge anymore... So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire Now you've got some diamonds, and you will have some others But you'd better watch your step, girl Or start living with your mother... So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire ...Created 2004-12-03 14:00:37

Journal: -------------------------------------------Mood: At War ya know what, i was fine not even an hour ago...then someone had to go and fuckin ruin it. i hate my goddamn sister...twin or not, she really needs to lighten up and learn what is hurtful and what isn't. her sister suffers from an eating disorder and she can't be compassionate about it...gotta rub everything in my face. and there's no ending it here...the disease has been lurking around here for probably like 6 years now, and she still thinks she can treat me like shit. this really is taking a toll on me. i feel sorry for myself. this is over... i feel like i can't handle any more. i'm too tired and sinister and wrecked by it. let it ignore me, let the world go on. no one should pay me any mind. it should all just be one big comedy...a Divine Comedy. i already have my seat reserved in hell...look for me when you get there, i'll be serving ice water. Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself All day -- and all night I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath I say to myself I need fuel -- to take flight -- And there's too much going on But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion Is that why they call me a sullen girl -- sullen girl They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea But he washed me shore and he took my pearl -- And left an empty shell of me And there's too much going on But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion ~Sullen Girl, Fiona Apple ...Created 2004-11-22 13:53:50

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