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dotsJournal: A glimmer...dots
Mood: Head Aching

There may yet be light at the end of the tunnel for me, haha right. Seriously though I did get a CO2 pistol the other day, its a really ewffective way of releacing stress, it is also, unfortunately a huge temptation. 480 fps(feet per second) and a range of 240 yds., could easily pass through even my thick skull, delightful yes? Idk, I'm confused about a lot of things right now, which is irritating, most of all prom, but yea, oh well not much to report, except Absinth ROCKS!! :|

...Created 2007-05-01 22:14:19

dotsJournal: Too Much...dots
Mood: Overwhelmed

Too much emotion, but no feeling, I'm numb, numb to the pain that surrounds me, but the pain within me is made all the clearer by it's absence, my solution, tried and true, is to increase that dull outside pain until I can no longer feel my inner pain. My friends are telling me to stop, the ones that know that is,and I tell them I will, and I do want to, I know it's bad, but how can you stop doing something a certain way if it works so well!? Ugh, I need help, I need someone to talk to... anyway, in case you haven't heard, I stopped taking my anti-depressants the other day, it seems to smash my creative ability, hence my not writing in so long... we'll see how it works out....

...Created 2006-04-07 23:05:23

dotsJournal: h8ing life...dots
Mood: Ugh... I hate my life.

right now, i am in such a shitty mood as to be undescribable to any but the most educated and comprehending of minds, it's like, like im hanging on a cliff, and i could pull myself up, i know it, but i need like 10 minutes of rest, but every 30 seconds someone comes by and crushes my fingers, im so clse to just letting go ya know? sometimes i wonder if death would be simpler, i know its unhealthy, but fuck if i care at this point, anyway i suppose no one really reads this anyway so im gonna stop what is, in a way, talking to myself.

...Created 2005-12-16 23:04:20

dotsJournal: dots
Mood: Stressed

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SUCKS!!!!! its like swallowing me whole! like the scarlack from star wars! uuuugh! lol, anyway, life is shitty, wat canm ya do, n2m over here.

...Created 2005-12-12 21:29:12

dotsJournal: Been gone...dots
Mood: Overwhelmed

I haven't been on in a while, mostly because i've been getting railed at all week by evil incarnate (Dave) and bitched at by everyone at school, my grades are bad, i used to be a really smart kid! like Harvard smart! wtf is happening to me!

...Created 2005-12-07 17:26:56

dotsJournal: God D@mn!dots
Mood: Ugh... I hate my life.

Man i feel like killing myself today! the problem, i cant figure out how i wanna do it!? no, i cant though, my friends all hate me already cuz i slashed my shoulders and both my arms to shit last night and they found out at school, we had to change for gym, and i cant get another zero, d@mn y does life have to be so fU<king $hitty!?!?!? god DAMN, soo much crap has happened in my life and i dont know how much more i can fuck ing take! one of these days, my parents are gonna come home, and find me in a red bath tub. I kno just how i'd do it too, ice water, to thin the blood and make it numb, a scalpel, 6 inch cuts, about 2 centimeters deep, one on each wrist... ahh, sinking into oblivion, then blisssful silence, blissful darkness, TOO FUCKING BAD IM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY_BITCH TO DO IT!?od damn i wish i had the nerve, but it's not gonna take much, im so close to the edge i can feel the cold already hitting me.... maybe it's the blood loss talking, maybe it's the tylenol, anyway, cheerio folks, im off to bed to hope that i die in my sleep!

...Created 2005-11-30 21:50:31

dotsJournal: Too bad....dots
Mood: Angry

Too bad they dont have a "pissed off beyond all belief" mood, id choose it, one of my best friends got raped a few days ago, she's 15 years old! I just found out today, and let me tell you, if not for a SUPREME excercise in self-control, I'sd be spending the next 25-life in prison, for murder... Never in my life have i ever wanted to mutilate someone so horrifically that their own mother wouldnt recognize them, but, thankfully (some would say) i took the lesser of two evils... If you know what that means, some consoling would be nice, if you don't, well never mind

...Created 2005-11-29 21:54:03

dotsJournal: All alonedots
Mood: Head Aching

I'm all alone
No one to hold me
All alone
just little old me
Everyday is about the same
soon I think I'll go insane
The world is pressing
in around me
to quickly drown me
My friends are gone
my family's dead
and all I have
is a pounding head
I sit here frightened
full of woe
My feelings hightened
Wanting to know

I know that was really crappy, but im in a stormy mood today and i felt like venting, so there it is.

...Created 2005-11-28 18:53:07

dotsJournal: Medots
Mood: The Usual

Well, being new to this site I dont really know how I'm supposed to write my first entry. So I'll do as I usually do, you know, sort of meander around in my ramblings until I've touched on all the basics. I presume the first topic to discuss is myself, I'm a fifteen year old boy, i live in a middle class neighborhood and go to an average High School. I have a lot of "issues" as some people put it, basically, I'm a diagnosed crazy person. I'm not some form of homicidal freak or anything, so dont worry, just some Acute paranoia, ADHD, Maniac Depression, and (in my opinion) a wee bit o' the old Schizophrenia. Anyway, i live with my Mom, and my EvIl step-dad whom i hate with a passion that burns hotter than a thousand fiery suns. My Biological father is...what shall we say, gone? And my brother is off living at a school for the "uber teh n3rdz" but i cant really "hate" on it, after all I want to go as well.
Hmmm, this might be getting long for a "first time" so I suppose I ought to wrap this sucker up, well, I'll sum up my life for you.

*Life Goal: To be remembered (like Da'Vinci, not like Stalin)
*Most Important Part of my life: My friends, seeing as how my family is.... undesirable
*Biggest Problem:I have a huge inferiority complex, because of that I always try to help everyone else, even if they don't deserve it!
*Best Asset: My dear friends, and one special person out there who will likely never read this *sigh* you know i care for you, even if u don't care for me THAT way, but I'll always be waiting.

Well, that about wraps it up.

*curtain closes*

^_^ p.s. I'm in drama club, thus the *curtain* thing ;)

...Created 2005-11-27 19:07:11