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    dotsJournal: Stilldots
    Mood: The Usual

    It is the silence that I fear most- for when in it I cannot escape that which I dull with daily noise. I am forced to deal with my demons.

    ...Created 2012-11-17 19:38:23

    dotsJournal: Lesson Learneddots
    Mood: The Usual

    Love... feeling compelled to bear all pain in effort to spare another.

    ...Created 2012-11-10 12:25:31

    dotsJournal: My poetrydots
    Mood: The Usual

    So I often receive comments about how depressing my poetry is which I do not take offensively, and I would like to explain why it may come off that way. in hindsight I do realize that everyone has a dark side and a light side within themselves, in this is also true of me personally. however my writing does not always detect what is going on in my own life rather what I see in the world around me. I consider myself to be very empathetic, I can often truthfully really feel what people are going through and can always find some way to relate to it. so although some of my pieces may seem dark or melancholy, I do not consider myself a depressed person by nature. I assure you I am not writing this journal to justify my poetry because it is my art in a reflection what I see and feel through my experiences. I truly enjoy the commentary I receive on my work, it both strengthens my ability to write, and encourages me. so I truly appreciate those of you who can relate to my pieces and I truly appreciate all good I read on this website so far so... thank you for being a part of me...

    ...Created 2011-01-19 15:00:14

    dotsJournal: I Need Youdots
    Mood: The Usual

    I've yet to meet my other half; I'm beginning to think you don't exist. I've felt your touch I've smelled your smell, but yet to have seen you. I see you in my dreams, I hear you in my mind. When will you present your self to me? Are you just a mere figment of my imagination? I'm beginning to think I'm going mad, for when rest my body on the warmth of the Summer sand and cast my gaze at the painted veil of sky, I know you're there beside me. Your presence is strong here. It is not the love I hold on to, but the pain in your absence. For only when I am here on the shore alone do I feel you so strongly. I still have yet to paint your face, for no prominent complexion has revealed itself to me yet. But I know one of these evenings that I'm settled on the beach, you'll come walking out of the ocean, or perhaps the dunes beyond, and make my life whole again. Until then I wait patiently, is there a perfect time for perfection?

    ...Created 2010-08-10 11:41:17

    dotsJournal: Terra firmadots
    Mood: Thinking...

    I find it odd how I sometimes need to be among the dead, forcing thoughts of emptiness outside of my mind with small steps. I visit this graveyard so often I feel completely at home. It's the only place I can truly think without outside influences flowing in. The moment I step through the rod iron gates I'm filled with complete peace. They're with me, I don't see them, at least I haven't yet. I ask every time for them to show themselves however they never do. Sudden winds will blow and temperature changes but why can't I see you? It's amazing to me the second I arrive the pain and grief floods away. I know no one buried here, but I feel like I do. They whisper hold on just a little longer you will be okay. It's funny how sometimes in order for me to understand life I have to visit the dead. They remind me subtly of what I have and what I don't have... eternal rest. I suppose I sound doom filled and emo but perhaps this is just who I've always been. I thank the dead because without them... I don't know where I'd be.

    ...Created 2010-06-02 21:52:49

    dotsJournal: dots
    Mood: Depressed

    Where is this place that I am at right now? Have I hit rock bottom, am I at the point of no return? Or is this rather an epiphany insisting now is the time for change. But then I ask change what? Where do I start? My body, my addictions, my friends, my mind my life?! Where do I begin? I feel like I'm being taken through things in my dreams. I wake up without fail in pools of tears just trying to grasp that I am back in reality. I feel like these dreams, or rather nightmares whichever you want to call it are bleeding into my reality and distorting my vision of what is real and what is not. I'm supposed to stay grounded and secure right? Finish out school, work with a smile on the face... succeed succeed! How can I succeed when I'm barely able to breathe. I feel at any given moment I'm going to fall apart. I wish I had some answers for the only certainty I have is undoubtedly being scared of myself and what I will do or won't do. What I will indulge in or neglect..there's no middle ground with me there never has been. I just need to take the upper ground I guess rather than settling in my failures and despair.

    ...Created 2010-01-06 11:09:46

    dotsJournal: Medots
    Mood: Thinking...

    My whole life I have been impatient, rushing time as if me pushing it would cause a minute or an hour to move faster then its alotted sequence. How ignorant for I now see how precious time really is.
    Every moment I've spent forcing I was losing out on some other experience. Why I carried this pre- disposed notion I had to move so quickly, I have no knowledge of. All I know is I know nothing about youth, I tired so hard to skip across the stones of adolescece when I should have bee complacent just resting on one. I got to the other side so quickly I now have no previous knowledge or experience.
    I've arrived at my destination I've wanted so badly yet I don't know what to do now that I am here. I rushed the cycle, I skipped and essential step in the equation of life and I'm wondering why I don't have the answers. I didn't allow myself to grasp the tools to obtain the answers so I am left preplexed. Where did this time go?

    ...Created 2008-02-10 13:50:47

    dotsJournal: Todaydots
    Mood: The Usual

    Today is a great day to write some poetry

    ...Created 2007-12-17 16:24:34

    dotsJournal: HATEdots
    Mood: INSANE

    Well my good friend of about five years Male of course has really just given me my one and final blow. Our friendhsip quickly escalated to intimacy before I knew to stop it. My long time crush for him was supposedly reciprocle. He is not your ordinary jackass man who just wants a quick get off and leave. He is a good down to earth person the first man I ever thought to behonest and trustworthy.
    Yet how naive i was once again to believe that a good friend such as this still doesn't have the male pig running through his veins. This guy was perfect. Maybe it's me? Maybe I bring out the bad in people. I've known him for so long, he was always like me getting his heart broken and what does he do to me? Builds me up assuring me He won't hurt me, he's different, we have so much in common, he see's a future with us.
    What is the point men! Why the hell do you feel the need to waste your time and energy spilling these lies to good girls, girls like me who wear their heart on their sleeve. Girls who would give the world just to please you. Girls are sensitive what you do to us it really does affect us believe it or not.
    When you fill our heads with lies and bullshit, you really are tainting us and ruining good people. I will never be capable of trusting another man as long as i live.
    You're all fucked in the head. It's happened too many times to consider this a generalization. Get off your selfish asses and realize there are other people that exist and that are apart of your lives. What you say and do will affect them. HELLO??? Am I really this crazy?
    I need to stop i'm gonna lose it...

    ...Created 2006-08-12 19:37:19

    dotsJournal: Another Lessondots
    Mood: Confused

    Today is just another lesson in this new life I'm far from being accustomed to. Being alone is so foreign to me I'm so scared of the unknown. I wish I could be happy and satisfied just being me without any significant other in my life. But growing up i've pretty much had a boyfriend since age 14. Someone there to constantly assure me i'm pretty and smart and worth a shit. Yet always I end up getting hurt, cheated on, lied to, betrayed you name it it has been done to me. I don't want my happiness to solely revolve around someone else. Yet again, two weeks after a very bad break up from a two year relationship, i subconsiously seek a new person out. Now I am falling in love all over again with a man that seems so perfect, yet in the back of my mind I know I'm doomed for heart break. I wish I could be some slut satisfied with no strings attached types of relations but that's not me. I want to get married and have children and be happy. Part of me feels that because of my necessity of being with someone i'm going to compromise what I know is right for me just to be with someone even if it's momentary. I tread on very dangerous territory's... I fear this time where I'm going to wind up.

    ...Created 2006-08-07 15:58:22

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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